


You're the Good Dreams

by BadWolfandTimelords



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 85,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6939763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWolfandTimelords/pseuds/BadWolfandTimelords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone picking through your brain forcefully and trying to get information from you through torture is bound to leave a sort of scar on anyone. After the destruction of Starkiller Base, Poe Dameron struggles to deal with his nightmares, though as it turns out, healing takes time and a little bit of help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

His own screams rang through his head and into the open air as he was quickly thrust into consciousness, Kylo Ren’s mask forming behind his eyelids as he blinked away the sleepy haze that had fled from him the moment he flew into a seated position in bed. Shaking his head and allowing it to fall into his hands, Poe Dameron looked up and to the side when a series of quiet beeps rang out. On the ground, BB-8 looked up at his pilot in what could only be concern. Sighing, Poe rubbed at his eyes before allowing his hand to slide down his face and into his lap. “I'm alright, BB-8. I promise.” He told the little round droid. When BB-8 gave a whistle of doubt, it made him chuckle. “I'm alright, really.” Looking at the time on the screen mounted into the wall, he tossed away the covers to throw his legs over the side of the bed. “I should probably get up anyway.”  
Watching him as he got up from the bed to gather his clothes, BB-8 whistled indignantly, expressing his opinion on whether Poe was truly fine as he promised he was.   
Exchanging the ragged t-shirt he had worn in bed for one of his usual long sleeved black shirts, Poe laughed as he slipped the fresh shirt over his head. “Whatever you say, buddy.”  
*  
It was closed.   
That was the first thing Poe noticed that morning as he walked down the strip, past the multiple X-Wings resting on the ground and the tiny in hill hangers some of them hid in. Everyone that passed by looked at it in confusion, not understanding why it was closed. Even with him trying to clear his mind of the darkness that had plagued his dreams, he noticed the little one ship sized hangar was closed. What made it peculiar was that this hanger was always open. It held tools, spare parts, and was an overall communal gathering area between missions, for it gave the pilots quick access to their ships if necessary. His curiosity getting the best of him and his dreams taking a backseat in the furthest reaches of his mind, Poe began to wander towards the hangar door, his eyes fixated on the lock device that rested on the door. Behind him, BB-8 chirped in curiosity.   
“I dunno, BB-8.” He replied, a hand reaching out to the lock.   
“Don't even think of it, pilot.” A woman's voice called out to him, making his hand freeze in midair.   
Whoah. BB-8 whirred.   
Looking up to his right, he appraised the woman dressed all in black walking towards him, who was obviously the source of the warning as she studied him in return with a corner of her mouth turned upwards. “Why not?” He called back, straightening up.   
Her own eyes looking him up and down as she approached him, she walked around him to stand against the door. “That's classified.” Was all she said in a core accent, similar to Finn’s friend Rey, accompanied by a subtle smirk.   
“Is it a ship?” Poe asked with a grin, unable as always to keep his mouth shut.   
“Of course.” The woman's smirk grew a little towards a real grin.   
“What kind of ship?” He pressed on, taking a small step forwards.   
“One I don't want anyone to see.” The redhead stood to her full height, which wasn't much, leaving her three inches below Poe’s own height of 5’8.   
“Is it yours?”  
“Yes.”  
“Is it a piece of garbage and you don't want anyone to see it?”   
“Absolutely not.” She bantered back at him as quickly as he threw the questions at her.   
Poe’s grin widened as he held out his hand to her. “Commander Poe Dameron.” He introduced himself. “Black leader of Red and Blue squadrons.”  
Giving him a smile in return, she took his larger hand in her smaller hand, the warmth and grasp of her hand surprising him as she shook his own. “Why Black leader if you head red and blue squadron?” She asked, dropping his hand as she looked up at him.   
“See over there?” Poe pointed far down the strip to his left. Following his point and gaze, the woman stepped on her toes to see over the other pilots milling about. “The black X-Wing is mine. That's where my call sign comes from.” As he spoke to her, he tried to discreetly move his hand to reach beside her to access the lock, but looked down in surprise when his hand was softly bumped out of the way. Looking back up to meet the woman's gaze, she grinned at him smugly as she had stepped in front of the mechanism, allowing her hip to bump his hand away.   
“Nice try, Commander. I'm stupid, but not that stupid.” She told him.  
Taking a step back, Poe crossed his arms. “Oh I never said you were.”  
“You have a nice looking ship.” The woman crossed her own arms, changing the subject as she looked towards Poe’s ship, revealing the two loops tying up her long red hair at the back of her head.   
“Nicer than yours?” He tossed back, trying to get an idea of what kind of ship this woman might have.   
“No.” Was all she provided, pressing her lips together in an effort not to smile.   
“Can - Can you at least give me a hint?” He asked.   
Tilting her head to the side, she locked her gaze with him. The intensity with which she looked at him shocked him. This woman oozed confidence, power, authority, and the way she looked into his eyes, it felt as though she were looking at his soul. With the strength she looked him in the eye, Poe would have felt uncomfortable if it had been anyone else; and yet, this woman made him feel completely at ease, relaxed, peaceful even. Well, almost peaceful. It was driving him mad trying to figure out what was in that hangar. “Why do you care so much?” She finally asked. There was no trace of teasing in her voice like earlier, only pure curiosity.   
His brow furrowing, he shrugged his shoulders. “I don't know.” He finally answered before looking around. “This hangar is always open, so I guess you could say all of us are curious as to why it's closed up.”  
Stepping closer, she looked up at him, tilting her head to the sides look at him from different angles, loose strands of her long red bangs that hadn't been able to stay up in her tied hair floating towards him in the breeze. As he stood still watching her actions, he fought the urge to inhale deeply as a warm and sweet aroma teased at his senses. He was snapped back to reality however when the woman spoke.   
“She's an old ship; I've had her for a number of years.” She slowly admitted.   
“Describe her.” Poe suggested lowly.   
After a beat of silence, she started to speak, a distant look on her eye and a faint smile on her lips. “An elegant ship for a more civilized age.”  
At this, he smiled. “That is quite the description.”   
“However it doesn't help you figure out what it could be, does it?” She leaned back once again against the hangar door, looking up at him with twinkling brown eyes and a wide teasing smile.   
Blinking, Poe stepped back as well and shaking his head, laughed. “No, no it doesn't. But I'll figure it out eventually.”   
Laughing along with him, eventually she lowered her head to look up at him tauntingly. “Well, you are certainly welcome to try, Poe Dameron.” She said lowly with a wicked grin.   
At this is his heart stopped for a moment. Behind him, BB-8 whirred in surprise. Dropping her gaze to the little round astromech, her eyes widened as she gave a small squeal of adoration. “Oh hello, sweetheart!” She said, carefully dropping to her knees.   
“This is BB-8.” Poe finally found his voice, watching the scene before him. “We've been through a lot together, right buddy?”  
These last couple of minutes have been hard enough. BB-8 beeped, making Poe roll his eyes.   
“Are you not just a beauty?” The woman sighed, running her small hands gently over BB-8’s dome, making him hum happily. “You are so precious and adorable!”  
I'm tough too! The little droid rolled back and forth on the spot.   
“Yes, you are, BB-8. You’re very tough.” Poe confirmed with a laugh.   
“Oh, no doubt.” She sighed before slowly moving to stand back up, her face contorting in pain slightly.   
Noticing this with a frown, Poe offered her his hands to help her stand back up. Looking from his hands to his face, she smiled weakly before grabbing his forearms as he grabbed hers, allowing him to haul her up to her feet. “Are you alright?” He asked her.  
“Fine.” She said passively. Noticing they were still holding each other’s arms, she let go. “Thank you.”  
“No problem.” Poe nodded. They stood there once more in silence before he spoke again. “What did you say your name was?” He asked.  
This made her grin, and made him automatically grin back. “I didn't give it.” She said.   
“Well I think you should.”   
“Really?”  
“Yeah.”  
Biting her lower lip for a moment, her right hand twitched slightly before she met his gaze once more. “My friends call me Dean.” She settled on.   
“Call you. But it isn't your real name.” He was quick to catch on.   
“It's a nickname that has a meaning.” She shrugged.   
“What kind of a meaning?” He asked.  
She shrugged slightly. “My friends figured out I was quite similar to a warrior on my home planet, certainly in terms of style, behaviour, tastes, and music. He's normally the oldest of the group, is brave, and has saved the world a number of times.” She explained.   
Thinking it over, Poe nodded in understanding. Curiosity, however still gnawed at him. “Okay. So, Dean. That is good, but what's your real name? First name. Last name. Something.”  
Looking up at him for the final time, she gave him a final smile that was a cross between a smirk and a mysterious smile. “You'll find out eventually, Poe.” Was all she said.  
“Of course I will.” He winked at her after a moment of recovery. “Cummon, BB-8.” Let's get something to eat, I'm starving.” He said before walking away. As he walked though, he turned back to look at the redhead. “See you around, Dean.” He said with a wave before turning around and continuing back down the strip, missing the red blush that dusted her face.  
She was flirting with you. BB-8 chirped as he rolled alongside his pilot.   
“She was, wasn't she? Yeah, she was.” Poe said more or less to himself. Without even realizing it, the woman nicknamed Dean had completely and utterly banished any thought or memory of Kylo Ren from his mind, for now.


	2. Chapter 2

“Commander Dameron?”   
Looking up from his bowl of grey porridge, Poe stared at the gold protocol droid standing before him. “Man can’t enjoy his breakfast, 3PO?” He muttered before spooning some more of his tasteless breakfast into his mouth, grimacing in the process.   
“Oh, why, I suppose so. However the Princess- uh, General requires your presence.” 3PO stuttered.  
Straightening up, Poe dropped his spoon. “Why? What’s going on?”   
“The General has recruited the help of an old friend to decide what the Resistance’s next move should be. I believe I heard her say it would give her a fresh start, whatever that means.” The droid mused.  
Her. Instantly Poe’s mind flashed back to the redheaded woman, Dean. He had never seen her on the base before, so perhaps this was the woman General Organa enlisted. “Alright. Let’s figure out what to do next.” He pushed away from the table. “Breakfast was terrible anyway.”  
“Food is currently in short supply, that porridge is infused with nutrients to keep you healthy-” 3PO began to explain before being cut off.   
“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t taste like garbage, Goldie.” Poe clapped him on the shoulder as he pushed away from the table to stand up. With that, he walked away, BB-8 rolling after him and C-3PO shuffling hurriedly after him.   
“We are to meet the rest of the leaders in the main control centre. It’s been closed off temporarily until we know what we are to do.” 3PO called after him, trying as fast as his frame would allow him.  
“Well if no one is supposed to know, you’re doing a great job letting everyone on the base know.” Poe said, quickly making his way down the corridors.   
“Oh… my mistake…” the protocol droid spoke quieter. They continued on down the corridors in silence before finally approaching the main control room. The doors sliding open, Poe immediately allowed his eyes to wander the room, searching the room for the newcomer.   
“Commander.” A quiet yet strong voice spoke up next to him.   
His concentration breaking, he looked down to his left. “General.” Poe cleared his throat before greeting General Organa.   
“You seem well this morning.” They moved away from the door to allow anyone else entering the room to have the space they needed.   
“Oh you know, as well as one can be after the past couple of days we've had.” He shrugged, meeting Leia’s gaze.   
“And how well are you?” She stressed, her brown eyes penetrating his.   
This made him squirm uncomfortably being placed in such scrutiny. “Okay, I guess.”  
“Poe,” Leia put her hand on his arm as she looked up at him in kindness and concern. “Just promise you'll say something to someone if things get too bad.” She said gently, surprising him.   
“Yes, General.” He nodded.   
With a final pat on his arm, Leia walked away towards the centre console. Next to him, BB-8 knocked against his shin. There she is.  
Looking in the direction BB-8 was looking, Poe couldn't help but smile when his gaze landed on Dean, who was talking animatedly to Mon Calamari Admiral Ackbar. The Admiral said something to the young woman that made her throw her head back and laugh hard, her laughter dimly heard over the people and tech making noise in the room. It reached Poe’s ears however, making him chuckle under his breath.   
You're going to get caught looking!  
“What? Do you want me to apologize? Besides, I'm not looking. I'm observing.” He retorted to BB-8, earning a binary sigh from the little astromech as they moved closer to the holotable.   
General Organa then approached Dean and the Admiral, saying something that made their faces fall into expressions of set seriousness as they moved to stand at the holotable as well. Clearing her throat, the General immediately had the attention of all personnel in the room.   
“Thank you everyone for coming at such short notice. I promise we won't keep you from your celebrations for too long.” She started by saying, a grin tugging at the corner of her thin mouth. This made many of the others in the room laugh. After the destruction of Starkiller base, many in the Resistance had begun celebrations. That had been 3 days ago, and many of the parties were still occurring in various locations on the base. “There are, however some loose ends that need to be discussed and if necessary, taken care of. Here to help us we have a long-time friend and comrade of mine and Admiral Ackbar’s, is General Natasha Amidala.”  
Natasha. Immediately Poe perked up when the General said this. So that was Dean’s name. It was different, one he had never heard of; but the galaxy was large, so it had to have come from somewhere. Besides, somehow, it suited her. Shaking his head he clapped with everyone else as General Amidala stepped forwards, resting her hands on the holotable.   
“Thank you, General.” She smiled at General Organa, her core world accent seemingly fazing no one. “First off, may I congratulate you and your peers on a job well done bringing about the destruction of Starkiller base. I know how hard it was on each of you, having lost friends and family in both the Resistance and the Republic, but no one will be left forgotten in the moment of victory.” Amidala said, making sure to make brief eye contact with everyone in the room as she spoke, her voice strong and full of emotion.   
What made Poe feel cold however, was when Amidala said I know how hard it, she had locked gazes with him. And in that moment, she had retained eye contact with him longer than anyone else she had looked at in the room; as if she were speaking to him alone. As if she knew what had happened to him during those days. Blinking and shaking his head he tried to recover before returning his attention to the General speaking.   
“With the destruction of Starkiller base, the first order has been severely crippled, but not completely destroyed. I know for a fact Hux and Kylo Ren escaped the explosion, so there already are two targets we must try to seek out and destroy.” She glanced apologetically to Leia, whose expression remained impassive. “The problem is that they and much of the remaining first order have gone deep into hiding. So while we here may not be able to do much in terms of fighting, we can reach out. I know that we all have contacts somewhere, someway, somehow. Reach out to people you know who might be able to keep an eye and ear out for a trace of the First Order. It's been a constant problem in the past where threats were not wiped out at first trace. If we can end this before it literally blows up entire planets,” She paused to take a breath as she looked around. “We might have a chance of winning this.”  
Seeing she was done her speech, the room erupted into applause. Shortly after, General Organa brought the noise down to speak herself. “If everyone can get in contact with someone they may know who can or would be willing to scout out for information or appearances and then bring that information to myself, General Amidala, or Admiral Ackbar so that we can coordinate and plan our next course of action, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.” She said, dismissing all in the room.   
With that, the room broke apart; all those who had been there for the meeting leaving the room, most likely to either reach out to contacts they may have or to return to partying. Poe however, remained standing where he was, unsure of what to do next.   
“Poe.” Snapping his head up, he saw General Organa wave him over to where she was now standing with General Amidala. Moving with BB-8, he walked around the holotable to join them. “Natasha, this is Commander Poe Dameron, the Resistance’s best pilot.” Leia introduced him to her.   
“Pleasure. I've heard much about you, Commander.” General Amidala smiled politely, holding a hand out. Looking at her in confusion, he took her hand and shook it slowly. It wasn't until he met her shining gaze that he realized she was playing with him, acting as though they had never met. Poe was about to say something sly in return but Leia beat him to the punch.   
“Stop it, Natasha.”  
Turning her head to the side, she dropped Poe’s hand to look at Leia in shock. “What?!” She said in protest.   
“You know exactly what.” Leia crossed her arms.   
“Enlighten me.” Natasha rebutted, a smirk shadowing her features.   
Turning to him, Leia shook her head with a smile. “Natasha was raised and taught on Coruscant, hence the accent, but that isn't actually the way she talks.” She told him.   
“I don't know what you’re talking about, Leia.” Natasha returned.   
“She has an Outer Rim accent like the rest of us. She only uses the Core World's accent in business,” Leia said before turning to the younger woman. “Which she doesn't need right now as she is among friends.”   
Through all of this Poe was smiling widely, looking between the two women as they playfully argued before finally resting his gaze of Natasha, who sighed in defeat. “Poe and I met briefly earlier this morning.” She admitted, no longer talking with the Core World's accent and instead using her natural Outer Rim accent.   
“Oh I wouldn't say it was brief, General. More like 5, maybe 10 minutes of discussion?” Poe spoke up, giving Natasha a teasing smile.   
“Well, that's because you wouldn't leave me alone.” She tossed back.   
“More like you wouldn't leave me alone.”  
“Alright, I see you two will get along just fine.” Leia interrupted. “If you two will excuse me, I'll see you later.”  
“Of course, General.” Natasha and Poe said simultaneously.   
“Yes…” Leia said, trying to hide a smile as she walked away.   
“Oh! Leia?” Natasha called after her after a moment of realization. When Leia turned around, she continued. “May I meet Finn?” She asked, giving the older woman a meaningful look.   
“Yes, Poe can bring you to the medical ward. I'm sure he'll want to see how his best friend is doing.” She nodded before walking away.   
Turning back to Poe, Natasha smiled. “Shall we?”   
Grinning, he held out his arm to her. “We shall.” He replied as she laughed and took his arm.   
“Such a charming gentleman.” She teased as they made their way out of the control room and down the halls, BB-8 on their heels.   
“Obviously.” He stated, earning a playful shove and another laugh as she let go of his arm.   
“And so humble. Here I was thinking I was the only one with too big of an ego.” Natasha laughed.   
“You saying I've got some competition, General?” He asked.   
“In more ways than one.” She grinned, stopping in the empty hallway to smile at him. “And you don't have to call me General, you know. You can call me by my first name.”  
“Natasha…” Poe tested it on his tongue. “Can I call you Nat?”  
Surprise overran her features for a moment before simmering down to amusement. “Sure.” She tilted her head.  
“Alright, Nat.” Poe smiled too before something crossed his mind. “Why didn't you tell me your name when we first met?”   
Her grin faltered. “I dunno. I didn't think it'd matter.”  
“You're joking right? I mean, from what the General’s droid said, you're a big deal!”   
Her gentle brown eyes widening, Nat cocked her head to the side. “What did 3PO say?”  
Immediately Poe ducked his head, his hand flying up to scratch the back of his head. “Okay, I might have exaggerated. But he said you're an old friend of the General’s.” He mumbled. “Besides! She called you in to help lead! And you're a general! At… how old?” Suddenly he felt uncharacteristically shy, regretting his outburst.   
Surprisingly though, Nat was starting to slowly smile again, easing some of his embarrassment. “Almost twenty…” She said slowly.   
“See? At almost twenty- wait. Really? Twenty?” He stopped his rant in realization, looking her over head to toe multiple times before resting his wide eyed gaze on her face. “You're ten years younger than I am, and you're a General?!?”   
Nat only pressed her lips together in a contained yet bright smile and nodded her head.   
Poe took a step back to put his hands on his hips and exhale. “Wow. That's impressive.”  
“Well…” Nat rocked back and forth on her heels, looking down at the floor. “We all did what we had to…” She said quietly, almost sadly.  
In that moment, Poe’s dreams from the last couple nights flashed through his mind, making him flinch. “We’ve all done things we’d rather not do.” He looked down as well. “But it’s for the good of others.”  
They stood their silently for a moment, the two humans and round astromech flew through their own horrid memories of battles past. Nothing was said until Nat looked up shyly and placed a hand on Poe’s shoulder. “Poe? Introduce me to Finn?” She asked sweetly with a small smile.   
Meeting her gaze, he slowly began to smile as well before reaching up to take her hand in his and quickly tug her towards the infirmary. “Yeah. Come on and meet my buddy.”


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3   
Whether he had realized it or not, Poe was still holding onto Nat’s hand as he dragged her into the medical wards intensive care unit. “Hey, Doc!” He called out as they walked quickly through the room, Nat trailing closely behind with BB-8 on her heels. Straightening up from whenever she was working on the table in front of her, Dr. Kalonia smiled at him kindly when she spotted the ace pilot.   
“Hello, Commander.” She said politely. “Here to check up on Finn?”  
“Yeah, how's he doing?”   
Nat came to a stop as Poe continued on to the bed where his friend lie, letting her hand slip out of his grasp. Regardless, he carried on to stand next to Finn.   
“I still have him under a medical induced coma.” The Doctor said, moving to join Poe’s side. “He underwent quite a bit in that fight, let alone the last couple of days. It'd leave anyone's mind weakened and marred.” She sighed.   
“Yeah… it would…” Poe agreed quietly, nightmares once again flaring in his mind as he studied Finn’s peaceful face before looking up across the room to where Nat stood. She didn't stand looking at Finn however; instead she was staring at Poe himself, meeting his gaze when he looked up to her. Her eyes were narrowed, leaving him with the feeling once again as though she were looking to his very soul. Blinking, he cleared his throat. “Hey, Nat. Come meet Finn.” He beckoned her forward.   
Dr. Kalonia stepped away to return her previous task as Nat moved to take her place next to Poe.  
“Hi, Finn.” She said quietly, taking Finn’s hand in hers.   
“This is Nat, Buddy.” Poe sat down next to the younger man's head. “She's going to help us finish taking down the First Order.”  
“I'm going to try. I don't know if I'm that good.” She mumbled shyly as she sat next to him.   
“Of course you are.” Poe told her reassuringly, throwing his arm over her shoulder and squeezing her comfortingly. With her this close, once again he could smell the sweet and inviting perfume she wore, singing to him to come closer. Instead, realizing what he was doing, he chose to let go, immediately missing the heat and aroma she emitted and returned to talking to Finn’s unconscious form. “Otherwise the General wouldn't have invited her here. She's good. Real good. We'll probably have this all cleaned up by the time you wake up.” He laughed before sobering. “Just wake up soon, okay, Buddy?” He whispered.   
“Hey.” Nat called out to him gently, leaning against his shoulder cautiously. “He'll be okay. He's strong, I know he is.”  
“I know.” Poe turned his head to smile at her. “I know.” Suddenly, realization shocked through him as he stood up. “Oh, Doc! This is General Amidala. General Organa brought her onto the Resistance.”  
“So you're the General we've been waiting on.” Dr. Kalonia said with a smile to the younger woman. “I am Doctor Kalonia.”  
“It is an honour to meet you.” Nat stood up to fold her hands and bow to the Doctor, making her laugh.   
“How polite.” Kalonia tilted her head in response, smiling. “It's a pleasure to meet you as well. I know both the General and Admiral were anxious for your arrival.”  
“Believe me, so was I.” Nat replied, looking to the floor as she began to fiddle with her fingers. “But it was important to come.” She finished quietly.   
“Ending the First Order? Yeah that's important!” Poe exclaimed from behind her as his stomach grumbled loudly.   
Turning to look at him in surprise, Nat shockingly giggled at him, making him turn pink in embarrassment. “Skip breakfast, Dameron?” She teased between bouts of giggles.   
“No, actually. Just, uh-never got to finish it before being called to session. Besides, doubt I could have finished that gruel they were serving down in the cafeteria anyways.” He told her with a laugh of his own.   
“Session? I don't recall us being in a Senate session. Strategic meeting? Yes. Senate session? No.” She teased.   
“And I'm assuming you know what it's like to be in a Senate session?” He asked with a smile. There it was again; that closed and tight lipped yet bright smile that showed how much excitement she was containing. “Ooof course you have.” He drew out, shaking his head as the younger woman emitted peals of laughter. “Why am I surprised?”  
“Much to learn, you still have.” She teased. “Remind me to bring you some real food sometime so as to bring a halt to your suffering in the cafeteria.” She told him.   
“I,” Poe stood up from his seat to stand toe to toe with her. “Am going to hold you to that, General Amidala.”  
“I expect nothing less, Commander Dameron.” She said lowly.   
They stood there closely for a moment just staring at each other before he spoke again. “Would you care to join me?” He asked quietly.   
Nat smiled at him apologetically as she tilted her head to the side. “As much as I would like to, I have work I must begin to attend to. I'm sorry.”  
“No, no it's fine. I get it. You're a General. Lots to do, I'm sure.” Poe took a step back and scratched the back of his head. “Is there anywhere I can walk you to?” He offered.   
“I'll be okay.” She promised before putting a hand on his shoulder to pull him towards her. His heart stopped for a moment as he allowed her to guide him, but instead she simply pulled him past her to give him a slight push on the back. “Take care of yourself, okay, Dameron?” She called after him.   
Turning back to her as he walked backwards, he gave her a mock salute and a wide grin. “Yes, Mam.” He said with a wink, making her laugh. “Cummon, BB-8.” He said as he turned himself around to walk out of the room in search of real food.  
In the infirmary, General Amidala and Dr. Kalonia turned to each other after the door had closed behind the young pilot. “He seems quite taken with you.” Dr. Kalonia said.   
“Yes, apparently…” Nat mused quietly before moving and sitting in the chair Poe had previously inhabited.   
“Is this safe to do?” The Doctor walked over to stand at the young General’s side. “After what Kylo Ren did to this poor young man-”  
“Kylo Ren physically injured Finn with his lightsaber. He did not invade his mind using the Force.” Nat explained calmly. As she continued speaking however, her mind flashed to Poe and the haunted and pure look of terror that had filled his eyes, followed by a dark room and screaming. “Besides, what Kylo Ren does is nothing more than childish, sloppy, and immature.”  
As Nat moved to have the palms of her hands rest softly on Finn’s temples, the Doctor shuffled uneasily. “Are you sure about this? Is this safe?”  
After a beat of silence, Nat nodded. “Positive. We often did this after long battles. It'll be like meditation; I'll go in, reach out to him, and help him heal.”  
Unable to help herself, the older woman snorted. “Yes, well that is from a long time ago. Things have changed.”  
“Not to me.” Natasha looked up to meet the Doctor's gaze, shocking her with the weight and exhaustion of her dark eyes. “To me it was like a blink of an eye.”  
It was with a blink of an eye the young General released the Doctor, leaving her gently gasping for breath as she hurried away. Curiosity got the best of her however, making her stop and turn back slightly. “You didn't come just to help wipe out the First Order, did you?” She asked quietly.   
A moment of silent.   
“No.”  
“It had to do with Luke Skywalker, didn't it?”  
Silence again.   
“Yes.”  
Dr. Kalonia thought carefully before pushing forwards for the last time. “Did you know him?”  
When the silence stretched on however longer than it previously had, she figured she was not going to get an answer. She began to make her way to her computer files before a quiet voice stopped her.   
“A little. But his father was like a brother to me.”  
With a shiver, Dr. Kalonia returned to her work.   
*  
He knew he shouldn't have taken the shot, he knew he shouldn't have moved from his hiding spot. Now it lessened his chances of getting BB-8 back to the Resistance with the map to Skywalker. But BB-8 was smart, he'd find a way back to the General.   
At least, he hoped.   
For the next several hours, while he tried to keep his cheery demeanor and bravado throughout the torture, as he felt the dark side of the force claw its way into almost the very centre of his brain, Poe Dameron began to lose hope.  
Up.  
He always ended up breaking free from the nightmares shooting up from his mattress, gasping to control his breath while the vivid images took their time fading from his eyes. Normally BB-8 would be looking up from the floor asking if Poe was okay, but this time, only silence welcomed him to consciousness. Sometimes he'd wake up and the little astromech would be gone, but since he had been tortured at Kylo Ren’s hand and these blasted nightmares had begun, BB-8 hadn't strayed far from his pilot’s side. And yet here he was, strangely missing. “Really, Buddy?” He sighed before getting up to face the day.   
*  
Like many of the higher ranking officers on the base, Poe often wore his uniform that displayed his rank of Commander. On days where he was down with his X-Wing or on a mission, he was either in his flight suit or clothing of his own choosing. Right now however, it was his uniform he wore. It was a sort of comfort, he thought. As silly as it may seem, in his uniform he felt as though he had control of whatever the situation was at hand. At the moment, however, as these nightmares continued on each night, Poe could feel his control on situation, if he ever had any to begin with, was starting to slip.   
Walking down the landing strip, past the hangers and the multitude of X-Wings that sat on the ground waiting, Poe made his way to his own signature black X-Wing. Sometimes BB-8 would sometimes take himself there, whether to do his own little work or just to sit in his spot in the craft, but today, the little droid was nowhere to be seen. To be seen. That apparently seemed to be the key aspect of finding the little guy as Poe heard his droid’s binary chatter far away. Looking down the strip, he saw BB-8 sitting near the front of the closed hangar from yesterday, sitting with a waist high astromech. Shaking his head with a smile, he began to walk down towards the hangar, his eyes fixed on his droid. His smile grew however when he saw a pair of black, low high heeled boots peeking out from behind the unfamiliar droid. As she came into view, the woman wearing the boots was familiar to Poe, making him smile even wider.   
“So you're the one who stole BB-8.” He teased as he approached the three, watching as Nat had her head bowed over something resting on her knees, her hair tied up and out of her face at the back of her head as the same double knot as yesterday.   
“I did not steal him, Commander. He came to me of his own free will.” Nat said as she looked up at BB-8 and allowed her eyes to wander over his form before looking back down to the object on her knees.   
“Morning to you too.” He laughed, earning a wide toothy grin from her when she finally looked up to him.   
“Good morning!” She chirped before falling silent, her eyes going wide.   
“What? Is everything okay?” Poe asked in concern.   
Suddenly Nat blink before licking her lower lip and flashing him a smirk. “Yes, everything is fine. I just appreciate a man in a uniform, is all.”  
As her words, Poe's eyes widened as his jaw dropped. He was beaten to a response when the astromech next to him rocked back and forth. At least you can get away with this here.  
The shock wearing off, he looked down to the droid in confusion.   
“Wha-Wha-What does he mean?” He asked.  
Her hand freezing with the thin object clutched between her fingers, Nat met his gaze guardedly. “It's complicated.” She said slowly. “Don't worry.”  
Knowing not to press forwards for now, Poe returned the smirk, trying to lighten the mood once more. “You like the uniform, huh? Or just what you see in front of you?”  
Immediately she gave him a wicked grin. “This girl is on a base full of uniformed men. I'm set.”  
“Ow. That hurts!” He put a hand over his heart in mock injury.   
I see why she likes him.  
Don't worry, I think the feeling is mutual.   
At this, both Resistance leaders looked to their respective droids as they communicated with each other before Poe looked to Nat’s taller astromech. “Who is this?” He asked.   
“Poe, meet my partner in crime, R3-D3.” She waved between the two.   
“R3-D3? Isn't that close to what the General’s droid is called?” He thought back.  
Surprisingly, Nat pouted. “I wasn't very creative with names when I was six, seven years old.”  
“Wow, you've had him for a long time.” He noted, leaning down to be level with the droid. Like when he had introduced her to BB-8, Poe mimed her actions and ran his hands over R3’s dome and body, taking in the worn and slightly warped metal under his palms. Studying him closer, Poe could see why a little Natasha would name the droid something so close to General Organa’s astromech, for the only difference between the two was that instead of blue, R3-D3 was a deep red in places.   
“Longer than you'd believe.” Nat mumbled under her breath.   
So this is Poe DAMN-  
“Yes, R3! Thank you!” She yelped, cutting the droid off, making him and BB-8 chirp a chuckle.   
“What is it?” He laughed, wondering what had a pink color rising in Nat’s face.  
“Absolutely nothing.” She muttered, bending her head once more to focus on whatever she was working on.   
Watching her intently, Poe nudged R3, motioning for him to move back slightly, and after doing so, allowed Poe to crawl over to sit on the ground shoulder to shoulder with Nat, his back resting against the cool metal of the mysterious hangar door. “What are you doing?” He looked to the object resting between her knees.  
“My Mum gave me a sketchbook as a present.” She flipped the hard cover black book closed to hold it up. “I wanted to break it in with something special, and I thought, hey, BB-8.” As she spoke she opened it to the second page where she had been working on sketching in BB-8’s various ports on his round body.  
You could have drawn me. R3 beeped indignantly.  
“I’ve drawn you before, R3.” Nat replied.   
But you didn’t finish it.  
“I’ll draw you again soon, okay?”   
“Can I see this?” Poe asked, his eyes fixated on the grey hand drawn image of one of his best friends.  
“Uhh… sure.” She trailed off before passing him the small book. “I’m not exactly an artist, but…”  
“No! No, it’s good!” He reassured her, running his fingers over the paper. Books were not exactly a commonplace objects nowadays, they were relics of old that the Empire had done away with for various reasons. So to hold this object in his hands now produced a very strange sensation, as if he were in another time and place. “How did you get this?” He held up the little book.  
Her brow furrowed in confusion. “I told you, my Mum gave it to me.”  
“Yeah, but… books aren’t exactly something you see very often.” He said.  
“Well, there are still artists out there, you know.” She leaned her head back against the hangar door and turned her head to the side to smile at him lazily.  
Closing her book and allowing her eyes to slide shut, Nat sighed and stretched out her legs, turning her face up to soak in the early morning D’Qar sun. It wouldn’t seem to be a problem, Poe thought to himself in amusement, as she was dressed from head to toe in a tight black jumpsuit that hugged her figure in every single proper way. The only difference from how she wore it yesterday was overtop she had a brown leather jacket on, only a shade darker than his old jacket. It was as he was studying her that he realized something however.  
“How come you don’t wear a uniform?” He voiced.  
Slowly she turned her head to him once more to lazily open an eye. “Hmm?” She hummed.  
“Well, cummon! The rest of us have uniforms, or at least something to display our rank. What about you?”  
At this she grinned mischievously. “Maybe I do have one but I choose not to wear it.” She said.  
“Really?”  
“Nope.” She popped the end of the word. “I do have something to show a sort of rank though.”  
Thinking back to how she looked yesterday, Poe tilted his head to the side when no familiar badges came up in his mind. “What?”  
“Those silver bands around my arms yesterday.” She turned her head fully to the side to look at him awake and alert.  
“What do they mean?” He asked.  
“Spoilers.” Was all she replied with, settling back down, her shoulder rubbing against his a little more.  
Silence engulfed them once more as they sat in the early morning air, simply enjoying each other’s company.   
“Will you at least tell me what your ship is?”  
“No, Poe.”


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
“Will you come have breakfast with me?” Poe asked after they had sat together for an hour on the strip, taking in the silence, sun and each other’s company while the base slowly came to life for the day.   
Turning her head to look at him, her left knee started to bounce as she bit her lip in thought. Finally, she nodded. “Okay.” She said slowly.   
Jumping to his feet, he extended a hand to help her up. “Allow me.” He offered, remembering how she had had a difficult time getting up off the ground the previous day. Rather than grabbing his forearm as she had before, she took his hand, bringing her other hand up to completely envelop his hand in both of hers, until Poe wrapped his other hand around her right hand. Extending her left leg out and drawing her right leg in, she met his gaze and nodded when she was arranged as she pleased. “Okay then; one, two, and up we go!” He counted before pulling her to her feet.  
With the extra assistance, Nat was able to move to her feet in a quick and fluid motion that left Poe impressed as he watched her body almost ripple under her jump suit. This distraction however made him lose focus as he pulled her up a little too far so that they bumped into each other as they straightened up, their hands pressed between their chests. As they both stumbled, he tightened his grip on her hands to make sure she didn't fall, leaving her close against his body and her seductive scent open to instantly attack his senses.   
“Umm… Poe?” Nat called out to him, a grin pulling at her mouth.  
“Can I ask one more question?” He asked lowly, catching her off guard.   
“Not about my ship, right?” She teased.   
“You're wearing perfume.” He said, struggling once again not to inhale deeply.   
“Body spray,” She shrugged. “But what about it?”  
“It smells good. What is it?”   
“Vanilla.”  
Realization immediately lit up his eyes. So that’s what it was. No wonder he hadn’t been able to place it. He hadn’t smelled vanilla since his mother was still alive. “Vanilla? Like the flavoring?” He received that smile and nod he was growing fond of rather quickly. “That's hard to come by, General.”   
Squeezing his hand to remind him he was still holding onto her, which he quickly dropped in embarrassment, she shrugged. “Not on my planet.” She said before tugging on his uniform sleeve and then walking away. “Come on, Pilot. I'm hungry.” Looking over her shoulder as she walked, she looked to R3. “Boska.” She called to R3, earning a whistle in response as the droid moved to roll after his owner.   
“Boska?” Poe repeated quietly, looking down at BB-8 in confusion before chasing after the other two. “I hate to break it to you, General, but the only thing you'll find in that Caf is disappointment.” He said when he caught up to her.   
“Are you sure about that? I've faced some pretty brutal things in Commissaries past; I think I can handle what they have here.” She said confidently.   
*  
By the time they had gotten into the cafeteria, many Resistance members were leaving, ready to start their day. Poe and Nat were stopped occasionally as they made their way through the room, many members wanting to say hello. It was when the two of them had sat down with their droids to eat that Poe burst out into laughter, his voice bouncing off the concrete walls of the large room they were in. What made him laugh as hard as he did was Nat had tried to eat the porridge he had warned her about, but the moment the bowl had been placed on her tray, just by the look of disgust on her face at the grey contents of the dish, he knew she wasn't going to be able to stomach the garbage served. So when she spooned the first portion into her mouth, as soon as the thick paste had hit her tongue, she cried out in disgust as she spat the offending food out and back into the bowl, making Poe laugh loudly at her reaction. Even when she threw him a dirty look, he laughed louder, throwing his head back with a smile that hurt his face at how wide it was.   
“What is that?” She demanded.   
“I told you, garbage.” He laughed, his stomach starting to hurt with how hard he was laughing.   
“That’s not garbage,” She hissed, looking around before leaning across the table towards him. “That is inedible torture.”  
“Oh, well I’m sorry your highness, however I did try and warn you of the danger ahead.” He replied, faking a core world accent.   
Nat’s eyes narrowed. “Are you mocking me?”  
Poe leaned back slightly on the bench to flash her a wicked smirk. “Of course not, your highness! I would not dare lay such an insult on a woman of your ranking.” He continued faking the accent.  
Straightening up suddenly, she held her head high as she regarded him. “Good. You would not want to anger me, lest feel my wrath.” She threw the accent right back at him. “And that is Representative, to you.” She added.  
Poe’s eyes widened in surprise. “Representative?” He repeated in surprise. “Is that what you were in the Senate?”  
Her expression falling slightly, almost in sadness it seemed, she nodded. “Yeah.”  
“Representative of what?” He pushed slightly, leaning forwards in interest.  
“It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head before looking down to her belt to remove a capsule from the worn leather. Shaking it, she opened the lid and dumped the powdered contents into her cup of water. “That was a very long time ago.”   
“What happened?” He asked after a moment of silence.   
“Everyone died.” She looked up so suddenly then. There a smile on her face, but it was cold and broken, her eyes foggy with threatening tears. “I’m all that’s left.”  
Shock rang through Poe. “I’m sorry.” Was all he could manage.   
“It’s not your doing.” She paused in swirling her drink to mix in the powder to meet his gaze.  
“Nor yours either, I’ll bet.” He said gently.  
“Certainly feels like it.” She mumbled, returning her gaze to the water.  
Unsure of what to do, he watched her intently before making a decision. Getting up off the bench, he walked around the table to her side. “Cummon.” He said, holding out his arms. When she looked up at him in bewilderment, he motioned with his hands for her to come forwards. “You’re sad, and you look like the type of person who needs a hug when they’re sad.”  
Eyes wide, Nat tilted her head to the side. “Are you hitting on me, Pilot?” She asked.  
That made him drop his arms. “No! I would never take advantage of someone grieving! I thought I’d try and make you feel better.”  
Tilting her head to the other side, she regarded him long enough to make him shift uneasily. He was about to return to his seat when she got off the bench to softly wrap her arms around his torso. Instantly Poe wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pressing his cheek to her temple as she stood to his forehead at her height. “Thank you, Poe.” She mumbled.  
“Hey,” He pulled away to rest his hands on top of her shoulders and squeeze them. “If you ever need to talk to someone, I’ll be there for you, alright?”  
Reaching up, she took his hands from her shoulders to hold them in her own at waist height. “Thank you, Poe.” She whispered, squeezing his hands. Letting go of one of his hands, she reached down to grab her glass of water. Taking a drink, she then held it up to him. “Yocola.” She said to him, tilting the glass between them.   
Taking the glass from her, his brow furrowed in confusion. “Yocola. What does that mean?”   
“Drink.” She grinned.   
“In what language?” He laughed.  
“Huttese.” She replied.  
At this he was surprised. “You serious? And what you said to R3 earlier, that was Huttese too?” He asked, receiving a nod. “That’s not a very common language.”  
“It is in the smuggling world.” Nat straightened up. “I spent a number of years in my childhood living between Naboo and Tatooine, most of it spent on the latter. It’s one of, if not the dominating language aside from Basic there.”  
“Naboo and Tatooine?” Poe thought on the differences of the planets, trying to envision a younger Nat in both landscapes. Picturing her on Naboo was easy enough, but perhaps that was because the planet was almost identical in many aspects to D’Qar. Tatooine was the difficult one to imagine. It was so similar to Jakku with its blistering heat and desert geography; Nat just seemed too fragile personality wise to handle or come from such a harsh environment. Then again, she had already surprised him a number of times in the last 24 hours he had known her, so he could only imagine she had a number of other surprises up her sleeves. “Why those two planets?”  
“Politics on Naboo, and I had a sort of foster family that took me in on Tatooine that I tried to help make money for.” She shrugged. “But my brother and I ended up being brought to Coruscant when he was 9 and I was 7…” She trailed off, a distant look in her eye. Shaking her head, stray red hairs flying, she nodded to the glass in Poe’s hand. “Anyways, trust me; those food capsules are much better than that gruel.”  
Tilting his head to the side, he studied the contents of the cup before nodding. “Cheers.” He said before slowly raising the glass to his lips. Drinking the water, he was surprised at how the liquid went down. It had remained clear when she mixed in the powder, yet it tasted sweet and had a thicker consistency than it looked to have. “What did you put in that?” He asked her, handing back the glass.  
“Special food capsules. We kept them on our belts back when I still fought battles. There were different types of food capsules; ones you could eat themselves, some held dehydrated food, other held energy bars. Depended on the mission and individual preference. That one I put in the water makes it taste like a chocolate energy shake.” She explained.  
“Chocolate’s another thing that’s hard to come by.” Poe grinned.  
“I have a surplus from the good old days.” Nat took a step closer, smiling up at him.  
“Would I be able to steal some off of you?”  
“No.”  
Get it over with and kiss already. You could get away with it too, you know.  
Poe dropped his gaze to the left where R3 and BB-8 watched their owners, R3 being the one to pipe up. Looking back up with a smile, he saw Nat had taken a small step back, turning pink with embarrassment. “You’re droid trying to play match maker, General?” He laughed.  
“He’s got a loose wire, I think.” She grumbled, dropping his hand, which he never realized they were still holding hands, to bang a fist on R3’s dome. In response, R3 let an arm out of one of his ports and zapped her. Nat however, didn’t even flinch or bat an eye at the jolt of electricity that jumped through her leg. Poe however, reacted instead.  
“Whoah whoah whoah, Buddy! That is not necessary!” He cried out.  
She started it. R3 whistled.  
“Still!” He protested before looking to the woman before him. “Are you okay?”  
“Not the first time I’ve been electrocuted.” She shrugged.  
That made Poe flinch, but not at the idea of her being shocked. Memories and pain began to flash in rapid succession. Electricity. Needles. Burning hot pain. Bruising blows. His mind being carved out and turned to mush. He wasn’t aware that his breathing had become shallow and ragged, his body sagging to the floor as his torturous memories attacked him. Over the roaring in his ears, he could faintly hear Nat calling out to him, but the uncomfortable burning heat radiating through his body filled his consciousness, darkness filling his vision.   
“Poe? Poe! You’re alright, sweetheart! You're alright! Just focus on my voice, okay? You’re okay! I got you!”   
A warm sensation touched the sides of his face, comforting unlike the fire that ripped through him, before a cool sensation washed through him from head to toe.   
“Just breathe, Poe. I got you.” Nat’s voice was becoming clearer with each second that passed. Finally the world began to return to him, his vision clearing as his breathing began to slow. Once he calmed down, he saw that he sat collapsed on his legs on the Caf floor, Nat sitting on her own legs as she held his face, using her elbows to keep him propped up. Searching his eyes, she smiled softly, stroking his cheek. “Are you alright, Poe?” She asked quietly.  
Eyes widening in horror as he realized what had just happened, Poe shook his head rapidly, freeing himself from her gentle hold before scrambling up. “I gotta go.” He muttered, running out of the room, BB-8 hot on his heels.  
“Poe! Poe!” Nat shouted after him, however not making a move to chase after him.  
He continued to run through the halls before emerging above ground, continuing to run down the strip until he reached his X-Wing. Scrambling up the ladder as BB-8 was zipped up into his port, Poe jumped into his seat and started to turn the ship on; flipping switches and pressing buttons before lifting the craft into the sky and taking off. Setting a course for the space around the planet, once he was away from the gravitational pull of the planet, he let the X-Wing float freely in space.   
Are you okay? BB-8 asked sadly.   
“No. No, I'm not.” Poe whispered, looking to the stars surrounding him, tears filling his eyes as hopelessness began to grasp him.   
*  
People skittered back in fear as Nat walked through the halls of the base, her posture straight and rigid, while her face was cold and calculated; almost daring anyone to see what would happen if they got in Marching her way to the command centre, as soon as she entered, she located General Organa and made a beeline for her.  
“General,” She said, catching the older woman's attention. “May I have a word with you?”  
“Yes, of course, Natasha. Is everything alright?” Leia looked at her in concern.   
Leading her away from the small crowd to where there was gear and tech stored away, Nat crossed her arm and shifted her weight before meeting Leia’s gaze. “I'm beginning to worry about Commander Dameron.” She began.   
“How so?”   
“He had a panic attack in the Commissary.” The guilty look on Nat’s face as she said this surprised Leia.   
“What happened?” She asked.   
“Leia… I know what happened to him.” Nat sighed. “And not in the I read his field report know what happened, I mean I saw what happened to him on the First Order’s ship. What they did to him… What Ben did to him.”   
Shaking her head, Leia ran a hand down her face. “Why hasn't Dameron said anything?”   
“I assume he believes he can handle the situation, that what happened to him is only a part of the fight and is something that should not bother him.” Nat closed her eyes, speaking thoughtfully.   
“Where's Dameron now?” Leia looked out to the main floor of the command centre.   
“He ran out of the Commissary and took off in his X-Wing. He's sitting free floating in orbit of the planet. He's… feeling lost.”   
“If this is the first panic attack like this he’s had, I’d imagine so.” Leia mused.  
“General… With your permission, as well as taking care of Finn, I'd like to keep an eye on Commander Dameron. I've seen this type of thing before and it is nothing less than destructive.” Nat said, determination burning her expression.  
“Granted.” Leia nodded before gathering the young General into a hug that she returned tightly. “Thank you, Natasha.” She said lowly.   
Nat pulled away, allowing the former princess to see the cold and stoic look on her scar freckled face. “Leia, the last time I saw things like this I couldn't do a damn thing, but now that things aren't set in stone, I can change small things. And hopefully… for the better.”


	5. Chapter 5

Poe had remained in orbit of the planet for a number of hours, and he had been surprised that no one on base had radioed him, asking if something was wrong or ordering he return immediately. He had a feeling however that it was Nat’s doing, as she had been the only one to see his melt down. At this rate, the next time he'd see her would be far too soon; that melt down was absolutely embarrassing. With her being a superior officer to him, there was no doubt she had reported the incident and he would be hearing about it, as well as having his mental state questioned. He was sure that all he really needed was a couple solid nights of sleep that were nightmare free and then he would be right as rain. So now back on the ground, he made his way down to the infirmary, hoping to get something off the doctor to help him sleep, no questions asked. After stumbling into the infirmary, Poe looked around, trying to find Dr. Kalonia.   
“Hey, Doc?” He called out, peering around the various pieces of equipment in the room.   
Near the intensive care section where Finn lay, there was the sound of scrambling before a flash of red hair came into view. “Poe?!” Nat said in bewilderment, rushing to a stop when she laid her concerned gaze on him.   
Uh oh.  
Eyes widening as he froze briefly, he dropped his head and turned on his heel. “Never mind.” He mumbled before hurrying out of the room.   
“No, wait! Poe. Poe, please wait!” She called after him.   
He could hear this time she was chasing after him. But no. He couldn't bear to face her, not yet. Thus he continued to rush down the hall, ignoring her cries. Until...  
“Commander Dameron, stop right there, and that's an order!” Nat’s core world accent rang out dangerously in the suddenly cold hallway, making him freeze midstep. Although it was the order that made him stop, he couldn't help but think of when Kylo Ren had made him stop on the spot with the Force.   
Don't freak out. Don't freak out.   
“Poe?”  
In chanting his mantra, he hadn't noticed Nat had jogged up to stand in front of him, looking at him in concern. Doing what he could only think, he stood at attention and saluted, not meeting her gaze. “General.” He said.   
Sighing in exasperation, she reached up to lower his hand, sending a warm feeling coursing through his veins at her touch. “Stop that.” She told him. “Poe, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but if there's anything I can do, I'm here for you. Not just as a superior officer, but I hope, as a friend.”  
Finally meeting her gentle gaze, he swallowed nervously and nodded. “I appreciate that.” He took a step back to let out a deep sigh as he ran his hand through his helmet ruffled hair, making it curl slightly. “Listen, I'm sorry about what happened in the Caf. You didn't need to see that.”  
Nat rocked back and forth on her feet as she remained quiet for quite some time before looking at him again. “Can you tell me one thing, though?”  
His head was screaming no at him, but he trusted her. “Sure.”   
“What did I say to trigger it?” The guilty look on her face made his heart sink.   
“No, Nat-”  
“What did I say, Poe?” She interrupted.   
They looked each other in the eye before Poe spoke. “You said it's not the first time you've been electrocuted.” He whispered.   
At this, her face fell. “I am so sorry.” She breathed, her eyes wide with guilt.   
“Don't worry about it.” He waved her off after clearing his throat. “Hey, is the Doc in the infirmary right now?”   
Nat shook her head. “Not at the moment, no. What did you need her for?”  
Kriff.   
Not wanting to divulge any more information that could put him off on a sort of medical leave, Poe shrugged. “Just wanted to see how Finn was doing.”  
Despite this, she continued to look at him expectantly. “And?” She said.   
His brow furrowed in confusion. “And what?”  
“I can tell there's more,” She smiled slightly. “What else did you want to ask Dr. Kalonia?”  
They stared at each other, trying to convince the other to break before Poe sighed and stepped back, running a hand through his hair at the back of his head. “I've been having trouble sleeping at night; I was hoping she could give me something to help.”   
“Do you want to talk about it?” Nat asked carefully after a moment of thought.   
“Not really, no.” He told her.   
“I understand.” She nodded. Looking behind herself, as if looking for something, she turned back to him to pull on his sleeve. “Cummon, I think I can help you with the sleep thing.”  
Walking next to her as they made their way back to the infirmary, he gave her a funny look. “How?”  
“I have trouble falling asleep at night, and sometimes staying asleep, myself sometimes.” She admitted as the door before them opened, allowing them access to the infirmary. “Whether it's before or after a battle; hell, most of the times it's just my mind won't shut up. It just keeps going and going and going.” She smiled faintly.   
“Wow, you must love that.” He chuckled.   
“Oh yeah…” She said dryly. “R3, come here.” She called out when her astromech came into view.   
When the droid’s primary photoreceptor landed on the Resistance Commander, he began to beep and whistle loudly. You found him! Is he okay? Does he need anything?   
While he expected that kind of worry from BB-8, as they were immensely close, the compassion coming from the R3 unit both shocked and warmed Poe. “R3 can you give me my melatonin?” Nat’s voice broke his train of thought.   
“Melatonin? What's that?” Poe asked in curiosity.   
“It's from my home planet.” Nat told him, kneeling to take a white bottle from R3 that he produced from his a compartment in his body. “These little pills help you fall asleep and stay that way for the night, at least, that's what they do for me, anyways.” She explained as she straightened up with a bit of difficulty, but was up before he could offer her assistance, and made her way to a table with various empty vials on them. “The human body produces it naturally, but this just gives it an extra boost.”   
“And you think it will help?” He moved to stand next to her as she counted out a small pile of the tiny white pills.   
“I hope so.” She murmured, pouring the pills into a vial before popping it closed and placing it in the palm of his hand, closing his fingers around the cool glass.   
“Thank you.” He said genuinely.  
“No trouble at all, Pilot.” She smiled gently.   
“How's Finn doing?” He looked over her shoulder and in the direction Finn lay, presumably still in a coma.   
“Same as before. Sorry, Poe.” She apologized.   
“No, he was brave, protecting Rey like that. They're both still alive, and that's what's important.” He told her.   
“Would you like to see him?” She asked quietly. Poe simply nodded in response. “Would you prefer to be alone or would you like me to stay with you?” She said after a moment of hesitation.   
Despite the embarrassment that radiated through him because of his breakdown, he nodded, comforted and relieved by the fact that Nat hadn't pushed him for information and didn't show any signs of doing so. “If you don't mind…” He said. When she took a step back, he realized he hadn't made himself clear. “Staying with me, that is.” He corrected himself.   
Relaxing, she offered him a smile and a hand. “Shall we then?” She asked.  
Smiling in return, he took her hand and squeezed it. “We shall.” He agreed before walking with her to the back of the infirmary.   
*  
Later that night, Poe sat on the edge of his bed with a tiny white pill in the palm of his hand. Let it dissolve under your tongue she had told him. It will taste dry but like anything that seems to taste like garbage, it's supposed to be good for you.  
She sounded like C-3PO there when she said that.   
“Well… here we go.” He muttered before tossing the pill into his mouth. As it dissolved, he could understand what she had been talking about when referring to the taste; it felt as though he had the Jakku sand blown into his mouth, but with a hint of a cooling sensation in the aftertaste. Scrunching his face in disgust, he chased the powder down with several gulps of water and then lay down. Alright, let's hope Nat’s special meds would deliver. Settling himself on his back, he closed his eyes and waited for sleep to come.   
It seemed the Stormtroopers had finally found their aim when it was really inconvenient for Poe. They had managed to shoot out his engines before he could get the deflector shields up and attempt to get the hell off the planet. Firing as quickly as possible with the ship’s weapons system to take out the closest Troopers, he grabbed his own weapon and threw it over his shoulder before jumping out and back onto the hard ground below where BB-8 sat waiting. Taking the old data stick from the leather pouch it had been given to him in, he knelt down to give it to his faithful companion.   
“You take this. It’s safer with you than it is with me!” Despite BB-8’s protests, Poe wholeheartedly knew there was no way he was getting out of this. Not without a miracle. “I’ll come back for you, okay?”  
I'll come back for you, okay?   
*  
“Poe?”   
His eyes snapping open, he shook the nightmare from his head and turning away from the holotable, he straightened up when he saw General Organa standing before him. “General, what can I do for you?”   
Looking over her shoulder, she directed her gaze to her protocol droid, C-3PO, where he stood chatting with BB-8. “Would you be able to take 3PO to Hangar Delta?” Leia asked.   
Hangar Delta. That was the hangar Nat had under lockdown for reasons still unknown to anyone. Was he about to find out what was inside? “Of course, but can I ask why?” He asked.   
“Natasha is going to try and fix 3PO’s arm.” Leia shook her head. “I've been trying to get her to meet him for the past three days but she keeps avoiding him.”   
At this his brow furrowed. “Sure, he can talk a lot, but he's not that bad of company.” He joked.   
This made Leia smile; it was tainted with sadness however. “I must agree with you there, but I'm positive her reasoning goes deeper than that.”   
New challenge; find out why Nat avoided the droid like the plague. “I'll take him, General.” He agreed.   
“Thank you, Poe.” She thanked him, putting a hand on his arm before turning and walking away, returning to work.   
Sighing, he walked over to 3PO and BB-8. “Hey, 3PO, come with me.” He called.   
“Is there something wrong, Commander Dameron?” The skittish droid asked.  
“No, I just need you to come with me.” He laughed.   
“Oh… alright.” 3PO said. “Good bye, BB-8.”  
Hey, I'm coming too. BB-8 whistled.   
“Yeah, we can finally find out what's hiding in that hangar.” Poe agreed.   
“No one but the General seems to know what's been put in that hangar.” 3PO explained as they walked up the stairs, taking it slowly as they waited for BB-8.   
“Well, I guess we're about to find out now, aren't we?” Poe said in optimism as the three of them headed out onto the strip.  
“Have you been personally introduced to this new General?” 3PO asked in curiosity. “I’ve only seen her, I haven’t met her yet.”   
“Yeah, I have. Any idea why you haven’t though?”   
“Well she is a General, Commander Dameron. I suppose she’s very busy.” Poe was sure if the droid could have shrugged, he would have.   
“She’s only been here for three days, 3PO.” He spotted R3-D3 sitting outside Hangar Delta. “Did you at least meet R3?”   
“Which one?”  
“You’ll see. Nat wasn’t very creative as a kid.” A grin tugged at the corner of Poe’s mouth as they approached R3. “Hey, Buddy.” He said to the silver and red astromech, patting his dome.  
Hello Poe, BB-8, C-3PO.   
“Oh, hello there.” 3PO stepped forwards to bend over slightly to look at R3. “I don’t believe we’ve been introduced.”  
I am R3-D3. R3 chirped.  
“R3-D3. A pleasure to meet you, I am C-3PO, human cyborg relations.” 3PO introduced himself.  
I know. R3 replied, surprising both Poe and BB-8, causing them to look at each other.  
“Oh…” 3PO straightened up.   
We've been expecting you. With that, R3 turned around to open one of the ports on his body to stick out his computer interface arm and plug it into the locking mechanism. With a few twists of the arm and a whirring of concentration, there was finally a positive beeping noise before it was followed by a clunk and the door sliding open slightly; enough so that the droids and pilot could wander in single file anyways.   
Entering the dark hangar, Poe could see a single bright light illuminating the far left corner, but what drew his attention was the large silk icy blue curtain that was suspended around something in the centre of the room. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” He muttered under his breath, realizing that Nat’s ship was probably hiding behind the curtain. “That’s just not fair.”  
As R3 lead them around the curtain, he saw Nat bent over a workbench shoved into the corner of the room, whatever was on the bench receiving her undivided attention. As they drew closer to her however, he was surprised to hear her singing lowly to herself under her breath. “Walk a little further off the beaten path and we’ll drive on even if we get there last. Our backs against the wall, we will lunge and bite; and we’ll rage, rage, rage against the dying of the light!”  
“I didn’t know you could sing.” He said aloud, making her spin to face him in surprise.   
When she fixed her gaze on him, familiarity set in before she smiled fondly. “It was a part of a song from home that my troops and I would chant to scare the enemy.” She explained, a distant look clouding her warm brown eyes.  
“That’s a good one, kind of like a, we’re never giving up thing, right?” He asked.   
“Yeah...” She confirmed.   
From what she had told him before and the way she replied to his question, Poe knew the past was evidently a sore subject for the General. Thus, changing the topic, he motioned back towards the protocol droid that stood behind him, looking around the room. “I brought the General’s protocol droid, she said you were going to fix his arm?” All he received was a hesitant nod in return. Interesting. “3PO!” He caught the droid’s attention. “Come meet the General!”  
Fixing his photoreceptors on the young woman, the gold droid hurried over to stand in front of her. “Hello, General! It is a pleasure to finally meet you!” 3PO gestured wildly, or, as wildly as he could anyways, with his mismatched stiff arms. “I am C-3PO, human cyborg relations.”  
Remembering what General Organa had told him in the Communications centre, Po watched Nat’s reaction closely. Her face had lit up with joy when she had laid her sights on 3PO, but when he had begun his introduction, her face fell; her eyes wide and watery while her lower lip trembled. There was evidently something more there, something personal and emotional that had kept Nat staying away from 3PO as long as she did.  
Shaking her head, she blinked back the tears to smile at the protocol droid. “Hello, 3PO.” She said sweetly. “I’m Natasha Amidala.”   
“Amidala? I’ve heard that name before…” 3PO repeated, immediately making hope flare up on Nat’s face. “Oh, yes! On Naboo, there was a former Queen by that name. Was she a relative of yours?”  
Slowly her expression fell once more. 3PO probably didn’t see it, but through that single look, Poe saw her heart crash to the ground. “Yes… Yes, she was.” She mumbled before gesturing to the work bench behind her. “I just wanted to let you know that I will be the one in charge of restoring your arm, and to reassure you that it is in good hands.”  
“Are you quite sure about that?” He surprisingly asked, looking between his mangled arm on the bench and his temporary replacement.  
Shock flashed across her features before quickly being schooled into a humoured look. “Don’t worry, my friend. Asides from having skills as a General, I grew up building and fixing droids and ships alongside my brother. Your arm couldn’t be in better hands.” She promised. “Trust me.”   
“Oh, well… Alright. Thank you, General.”   
This made Nat laugh. “You don’t have to call me General, 3PO.”  
“Very well…”  
“Now go, I’m sure Leia needs you right now.”   
“Yes, of course. And, might I thank you for taking the time to do this, Mistress Natasha.” With that, he did a little bow and shuffled out of the hangar, the door closing behind him. As he left however, he missed how Nat had frozen at what he had called her.   
As the room darkened once more, Poe turned back to Nat. “What’s wrong?” He asked lowly.  
The tears started to return to her wide and glassy eyes as she stared at the door the old droid had gone through. “He doesn’t remember me.” She whispered, taking a shaky and shallow breath.  
Not understanding her words, he quirked an eyebrow. “Should he?”  
“No.” She wiped her eyes and nose before turning away. “He’s had a memory wipe since I’ve last seen him, but I was still foolishly hoping…”  
“Is that why you’ve been avoiding him?” He asked gently.   
She nodded. “I’ve known him for a long time.” She whispered sadly. “Hell, I helped build him, well… Rebuild him.”  
So that was why she had avoided C-3PO: a personal connection that had been torn.  
“I’m sorry.” Was all he could muster.  
“It’s okay.” No, it’s not. “That was a very long time ago.” It felt like yesterday. “How did you sleep last night?” She turned back to him.  
“Slept through the night, surprisingly.” He shuffled his weight, choosing not to mention that, though he had slept through the night, the nightmares had still plagued him, just not enough to wake him.   
“I’m glad.” She gave him a soft smile. “I gave you enough Melatonin to last you the week. With any luck it will get your sleep schedule back on track.”   
“Thank you, that means a lot.” He said sincerely.  
“A leader should look out for their people. And a friend should worry about their friends.”   
That surprised him. Not in the bad way, but in a way that curiously sent a happy feeling dancing through him. “Is that what we are? Friends?” Poe grinned.  
“If you want…” Nat replied shyly.   
That made him smile widely. “Yeah, of course.” He laughed. “I’d like that very much.”   
Finally she smiled too. “I’d like that too.” She agreed.  
“So if we’re friends, tell me one thing, Natasha.” He said, taking a step closer to her. “What’s behind that curtain?”  
“My ship.” She pressed her lips together, imitating him by taking a step forwards.  
“Why?”  
A step closer.  
“So you don’t see it.”  
Another step forwards.  
“Well that’s no fun.”  
They were inches apart now.  
“Thank you, I do try.”  
Poe rolled his eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”  
Nat bit her lip as she smiled. “I know.”   
Natasha, can you come see me? General Organa’s voice suddenly sounded, making them jump apart.   
Lunging towards the workbench, Nat snatched the cylindrical comlink from the metal surface. “I’ll just be a moment.” She promised. Turning back to Poe, she smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, but I must go.”  
“Is everything alright?” He asked in concern as she slipped on her brown leather jacket.  
“Oh yes, we’re just trying to get me an X-Wing is all.” She said.  
“You’re getting a X-Wing?” He was surprised. “What’s wrong with your ship?”  
“Well… It’s old. Not exactly your Resistance standard.” She hesitated.   
“You know I’m going to try and figure it out, right?” He said.  
Poe was shocked, though he wasn’t going to lie, and felt a slight pull of attraction when Nat put her hands on his chest and rose onto her toes so that they were the same height. Leaning forwards, she grinned wickedly when they were inches apart. “I dare you.” She whispered before pushing him back towards the door with a loud laugh. “Good bye, Poe.”  
Bye, Nat. Let’s go, Poe. BB-8 beeped and chirped as he rolled past them and out the door.   
Looking out after his droid, he couldn’t think of anything to say, still flustered from the woman’s actions. “Uhh… Bye, Nat!” He exclaimed before rushing off, her laughter ringing in his ears as he ran out to and down the strip.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
You should ask for more.  
“I don't need more.”  
Yes, you do.   
“No Buddy, I don't.”  
You should ask. It’s helping you sleep at night. At least it will give you an excuse to get close to Nat again. BB-8 told him bluntly.  
Although Poe rolled his eyes, a grin tugged at his lips. “I work with her every day, isn't that enough? What is it with you, anyways?”  
You like her.  
“Well of course.” He agreed as they walked down the landing strip. “She's a great leader and a great friend.”   
You know that's not what I mean.  
“I know what you mean, and give me a break.” Poe retorted. “I’ve only known her for a little more than a week.”  
Well. I don’t care. BB-8 hummed.  
“Of course you don’t…” The pilot’s words trailed off as he spotted a black X-Wing next to his own, albeit this one was worn down and had parts exposed. Seeing a streak of red hair in the open cockpit, he couldn’t help but grin as his footsteps quickened, taking him towards this new X-Wing.   
Friend… Sure… BB-8 whirred almost sarcastically as he chased after his owner.  
As he drew closer to the X-Wing, Poe's grin widened into a smile as he heard that familiar voice singing lowly once more. Stopping at the nose of the craft, he crossed his arms as he listened to her singing. It sounded off; as if there was something missing other than the music, as though someone should have been singing along with her.   
“So show us a bird flyin' high above, life ain't worth living without the one you love. Fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well. Fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well.”  
“Last I checked, I was the only one with a black X-Wing.” He called out playfully.   
He had to resist the urge to laugh when Nat’s head popped into view out of the cockpit. Looking around in surprise, when her gaze landed on him, she smiled at him happily. “Not anymore!” She called back.   
“I'm wounded.” He placed a hand over his heart. “I'm no longer special. They won't be able to call me Black Leader anymore.”  
“You'll live.” She shrugged, waving her hand over something in the cockpit.   
“When did she come in?” He asked, moving to stand at the bottom of the ladder as she climbed out of the ship to make her way down.   
“Early this morning. I wanted to get started on repairs and modifications as soon as possible.” She explained. Pausing halfway down at the sight of Poe extending his hand out to her, she took his hand to jump the rest of the way down. Hitting the ground hard, her left knee buckled at the force, making her fall forwards… and into Poe.  
Throwing his arm around her waist as he caught her, it left their chests pressed together and their stunned faces a couple inches apart. “What kind of modifications?” He breathed as they stared at each other, wide eyed.   
“Engine power, controls, weapons, sensors, sensitivity.” She quickly and lowly listed off.   
“She's a T-70. Not the latest, but one of the best.” He told her.   
“Not good enough.” She shook her head.   
“Then what is good enough?”  
“My ship.”  
“Then why don't you fly it?”  
“I'd get killed.”  
This stunned him, making him unconsciously making him tighten his arm around her waist. “We all take that risk when we're up there.”  
“Not the same.” She whispered, grimacing in pain.   
“What's wrong with your knee?” He asked one of the questions that had bothered him from the start, turning her so she could sit on a crate next to the ship.   
“Ahhh... alignment issues.” She said, straightening her leg out. “Kneecap doesn't go straight up and down like it should, or something like that. Usually it's not a problem.”   
“Well… you did hit the ground pretty hard.” He gave her a lopsided grin as he crouched next to her.   
That’s not the only thing that fell hard. R3-D3 quipped from where he sat doing repairs to one of the landing gears.   
“Schutta, stoopa sleemo!” Nat griped in response.  
Make me. R3 whistled.  
“Bona nai kachu!” Nat hissed before rushing to her feet. That proved to be a mistake as her knee gave out beneath her, sending her tumbling to the ground with a cry of surprise. Above her, R3 made a noise akin to a chuckle.  
Poe however rushed to her aid. “Whoah there, you alright?” He easily picked her up off the ground and onto her feet.  
“Except for building a sassy droid, I’m fine.” She muttered as she pulled away from the pilot to dust herself off.  
As she stepped away, he really got a chance to look at her and was surprised in the drastic change in her appearance. Every day since she had arrived on the base, he had worked with her. And every day she had worn the same, unless she had a number of the same outfits, black jumpsuit. Not that he was looking… Not all the time, that is. Sometimes she wore a brown leather jacket overtop, but other than that there was no variation in what she wore. What she wore right now however was something bright and completely different. Her red hair was still tied up in that same small double knot as always; back and away from her face save for a few stray hairs hanging against her temples. Covering her body however was a heavy and dulled yellow dress, the material seemingly similar to his flight suit, which hung to above her knees, dulled to grey in places from years of wear and tear due to ship repairs. A white plate protected her chest under a cross of straps with pouches across her torso while a belt was slung low around her hips, seeming unusually empty, as though it were missing something…  
“Like what you see, Pilot?” Nat teased, catching him staring as she brushed off the tan tights she wore under the dress before they met with the tanned knee high boots on her feet.  
“Uhh… sorry?” He offered weakly, his cheeks surprisingly going pink.  
“It’s okay.” She laughed. “Free pass I guess after I ogled you in that uniform of yours.”  
“Aha! So you did like what was in front of you!” He pointed out, thinking back to the day she was talking about.   
Cautiously bending her knee to test it, she got off the crate to saunter towards him. “In. More. Ways. Than. One.” She whispered the last word, grinning at him coyly as she laid a soft hand on his chest before she moved past him to her tool box.   
“Do you, uhh-” Poe cleared his suddenly dry throat, trying to find his voice. “Do you want some help fixing her up?”   
Nat straightened up in surprise from over her tool box. “If… If you'd like.” It was her turn to struggle for words.   
“I would.” He claimed, his bright smile earning a matching one from her.  
“Then by all means,” She gestured between the tool box and ship.   
“What would you like me to start on?” Poe looked over the dismantled ship.   
Humming to herself thoughtfully, Nat finally pointed to the cockpit. “Wiring in the cockpit needs to be replaced. I’ve got a special kind of wire in the tool box that I want used. You can get started on that.” She instructed.   
Grabbing the necessary tools, he gave her a salute. “Yes, Mam!” He shouted before climbing up into the ship.   
“Peedunky.” Nat muttered, smiling fondly as she set to work on the engines.  
*  
They worked on the X-Wing well until night had fallen, continuing to work even in the light cast by the lamps they had set up. They made significant progress on the vessel, though there was still much work to be done. Poe had managed to complete a majority of the rewiring that Nat had wanted done, although, he hadn’t understood why. Much of the original wiring he had removed had been in perfect condition, thus didn’t need to be replaced, yet he followed her instruction anyways. Besides, it was her ship. For a majority of the day, Nat had worked on the engines and weapons. What exactly she had been doing to them, he didn’t know. He had simply seen and heard her working on them. Just like her ship hidden in Hangar Delta however, he swore he would find out.  
“Alright, I think that’s enough work for today.” Nat called up to where Poe sat rewiring the slot in which R3 would do his work when in the air.   
“Sounds good to me!” He called back, finishing soldering together a line of wire before climbing down to the ground.  
“I don’t believe I can thank you enough for your time and work today, Poe.” Nat said earnestly, taking a long swig of water from her canteen.  
“It was my pleasure.” He told her. “Besides, it was fun.”   
At this, a sad and distant look in her eye began to dull her bright eyes. “Yes… It was…” She said distantly. Before he had the chance to ask if she was okay however, she shook her head and gave him a bright smile. “Is there any way I can thank you for what you did today?”  
“Oh no.” He protested, shaking his head. “You’ve already done far too much for me. I’m simply returning the favor and helping a friend.”  
“Cummon, Poe. There has to be something.” She urged gently.  
His eyes narrowing slightly as he studied her in the moonlight, his heart started to thud heavily in his chest as he took a deep breath. “I’ll take a hug…” He said carefully.  
An embarrassed smile formed on her lips before it spread into a big smile. “Is that it?” She teased.  
“Are you saying no?” He replied.   
She didn’t reply, instead stepping forwards to wrap an arm around his shoulder and the other under his arm, enveloping him in what he could only describe as a full and proper hug. Wrapping his arms around her in return, he pulled her body flush against his, her warm weight leaning against him. Burying his face in the crook of his neck, he knew he should feel some sort of shame at his actions, as they were only friends; friends for only the past week. Yet there was a part of him that couldn’t help himself. Nat was warm, energetic, kind and gentle; everything the nightmares that awaited him shortly were not. So in these few lingering moments of peace, he clung to her like a talisman.   
And she let him.   
Finally after standing there for what felt like forever, he unwillingly let go of her; immediately missing the feel of her warmth against him. “Uhhhh… Sorry about that…” He apologized, scratching behind his ear in embarrassment.  
“It’s alright, Poe.” She tilted her head to the side. “You gonna be alright?”   
“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine.” He promised. “We got a long day ahead of us tomorrow. We should probably get some rest.”  
“Yes, time to put together the intel we’ve received now that everyone’s stopped celebrating.” She laughed.  
“Do you need any help putting everything away?” He offered, gesturing to the tools strewn about.  
“I can take care of it.” She reassured him. “Don’t worry, I have R3 with me.”  
“Okay.” He relented.   
He stilled however when Nat put a hand to his cheek. “Get some rest, Poe.” She said quietly. “You deserve it.”  
Finding his feet, he nodded. “Good night.” He bid her before walking away.  
“Good night.” Her whisper carried on in the breeze as he walked away.  
*  
Her Masters might have reprimanded her for what she was thinking this way right now if they knew, but Natasha would have loved to be out on the battlefield right now instead of sitting here in her senate office waiting for a summon or situation she knew she would never receive in regards to the current situation. When she was actually involved in the politics, she quite enjoyed it. However right now, she sat in a sleek and elegant silvery pink gown, her long brown-blonde hair, so similar to her brother’s in color, was curled to perfection, and she was doing absolutely nothing. Natasha knew something was going on; a trooper she knew had suffered some sort of mental break down and killed an acquaintance of hers, General Tiplar. However, her brother, the stubborn man that he was, had told her nothing. They were continuously growing apart each and every day; and as much as she hated it, she knew what it meant: the end was drawing closer and closer.  
Suddenly, in her desk an urgent beeping began, instantly breaking her train of thought. Wrenching the drawer open, she grabbed the holoprojector from where it sat before placing it on the desk before her and activating it. This holoprojector was important; for only a small number of the most trustworthy troopers she knew had the dialling address for secret device, and was only to be used in the most dire of situations. As the device flashed to life however, Natasha smiled at the image of the trooper that was formed before her.  
“Fives! General Skywalker told me you were on Kamino assisting in the testing of Tup’s condition. Have you found anything?” Although her tone was warm and friendly, inside she felt cold and worried at the frightened expression on the soldier's face.  
“Tup is dead, General.” Was all Fives could tell her.  
Immediately her expression fell. “Fives, I am so sorry.” She apologized.  
“General, I don’t have much time. I’m back on Coruscant and on the run. The Kaminoans are hiding something and I trust you to help. Will you?” He begged.  
“Of course.” Determination took over her as some of the tension left the soldier's frame. “Where are you?”  
“Outside 79’s.”  
“Alright, give me a moment.” She nodded, switching the holoprojector off. Standing from her chair, she felt energy dance across her skin as she disappeared from her office and reappeared in the alleyway next to 79’s.   
Nat’s eyes snapped open as she scrambled up, gasping for breath.   
Now.  
Why now?   
Why was something that happened so long ago was making a comeback? Wasn’t she stronger than this? The answer was, apparently not. To be fair though, she had given Poe the remainder of her melatonin a week ago, leaving her with none to use herself. She wouldn’t tell him that though. He had confided in her three days after trying the little miracle pills that they had been helping him at night, so she wasn’t going to take that from him. Even if it came at the expense of her own sleeping through the night.  
Reaching to the side, she turned her clock to see that it was only 2 in the morning. Most times things like this happened, she would simply lay back down and go back to sleep. It seemed as though tonight however, she sensed she wasn’t the only one having nightmares tonight. With a sigh, she pushed away her blankets to slip her flimsy flats onto her bare feet before wandering out of her quarters.  
*  
“The Resistance… will not be intimidated by you!”  
“Where is it?”  
Poe flew up with a gasp of fear, reality shattering his dreams. He sat there in his bed with his head hung low, trying to collect the shards of his mind as his body shook in fear. How much longer could he go on like this? Every time he tried to sleep Kylo Ren was there, breaking apart every wall in his mind as though they were nothing; mentally destroying him. It was the past, something he shouldn’t let affect him here and now. And yet here he was, trying to hold back tears as sweat rolled off his tanned skin with each tremor that rolled through his body. Those little pills Nat had given him had worked wonders for him for a week, but last night he had run out. Sure, he had still had nightmares while taking those pills, but they never got to the point where he'd wake up in horror. He had figured though at this point he would be okay. Evidently, he was wrong.   
A quiet and timid knock at his door however made his head snap up. On the floor, BB-8 whistled quietly. Do you want me to send them away?  
“No, I got it, BB-8.” Poe mumbled, struggling to free himself to the sheets that clung to his bare skin before getting up and shuffling to the door. Pressing a button on the wall, the door slid open to reveal a sleepy Nat.   
“Poe?” She squinted up at him, her voice small and quiet.   
Instantly Poe straightened up, trying to portray the idea that he was fine. “Hey, Nat. What- what are you doing up this late?” He asked, leaning his arm against the doorway.  
Shuffling her weight in her flat shoes uneasily, she rubbed her bare arms before looking up at him again. “Are you alright?” She finally asked.   
No. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He replied, Ren’s mask flashing behind his eyelids as he blinked.  
“I heard somethi- I thought I heard something…” She said quietly.   
Guilt flashed through him. “Did I wake you?” He asked, dropping his arm to stand up straight.   
“No.” She replied. They remained silent and stood looking away from each other in the dark hall. “So you lied.” When he met her gaze in confusion, she smiled softly and shrugged. “You aren’t okay.”  
“Hey, look. You do not have to worry about me, alright?” He said gently, stepping closer to her.   
“I can’t help it. It’s a part of who I am.” Nat took a step forwards as well so that they stood toe to toe as they met each other’s eye.  
His gaze unintentionally trailing down, Poe noticed she wasn’t wearing too much, standing in the hallway wearing only a black tank top and a small pair of black shorts. With this leaving much of her skin open to the cool early morning air, she discreetly ran her fingers over the goosebumps forming on her forearms, trying to warm her arms. Sighing, he wandered back into his room to grab a blanket lying on the end of his bed before going back to the doorway. Allowing it to fall open, he reached around Nat and wrapped the soft blanket around her shoulders, gently tugging her long hair free of the fabric. It was down. For once it was actually down. He had never seen her red tresses free of the styles she always seemed to have it tied up in. Seeing it free and long as he let it loose from the blanket was somewhat satisfying, and the feeling of the soft strands slip between his fingers…  
“Get some sleep, Tasha. I’ll be alright.” He told her lowly.  
Looking up at him, her pupils blown, she released a shaky breath before weakly clutching the blanket closer. “Okay…” She said lightly, almost dreamily. “Good night, Poe.”   
“Night…” He whispered as he watched her begin to wander away. Stepping back into his room, the door slid shut behind him.   
Doing this however, Poe didn't see Nat continue down the long hall, further away from his room before she turned a corner, and headed a little further until she approached the door to her own tiny living space. Walking into her own room, which was a distance from the Black Leader’s room that one would not be able to hear any noise from said room, she crawled onto her bed to sit in the very centre. Clutching the old blanket around her tightly, she buried her nose in the fabric and inhaled deeply, trying not to smile as she sensed the faint and different aromas that were all aspects of Poe. Her brown eyes snapping open, she straightened up and shook her head, trying to clear her mind. Once she felt relaxed, she let her mind begin to focus on one thing, one person alone, and worked on trying to keep the nightmares and memories at bay for the remainder of the night.   
And for the first time since the destruction of Starkiller Base, Poe slept soundly and nightmare free for the night.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
“Hey.”  
At the warm hand that came to rest on her shoulder, Nat jumped. Turning her blurry gaze to the person standing behind her, she smiled weakly at Poe who looked at her in concern. “Hey.” She croaked, rubbing her eyes.   
“Are you okay?” He asked, his brow furrowed in worry.   
“Uhh… Yeah. Hard night last night.” She mumbled.   
It looked like it. Long strands of her red hair, however it had faded from a red to a brownish red since he had met her, fell from the messy bun at the back of her head to ghost across her cheeks and against her pale neck, a far cry from the tight double loop she typically sported. What was the most prominent were her usually bright eyes now dulled, bleary, and almost what he could describe as haunted. “Anything I can help with? Anything you want to talk about?” He offered gently.  
Smiling sadly, she shook her head. “Unless you can literally rewrite the past, no. Sorry.”  
“3PO mentioned… 3PO mentioned you needed a fresh start when you first showed up. That this was it.” Poe asked lowly, treading carefully. “What happened?”  
“Like I told you,” She touched his hand and squeezed it briefly before letting go. “Everyone died. Which is why…” She turned back to the holotable that had a map of the entire known galaxy glowing above its surface and sighed in agitation. “I’m so bloody useless at this. I have no more contacts. And even if I knew anybody that is still alive, I either don’t know they’re alive, they’re old as hell by now, or they’re an old enemy.”  
“You have enemies?” Poe turned with her to look at the map, standing close enough that their shoulders brushed.  
“If you knew half the things I’ve done, you wouldn’t be surprised.” She turned her head to look at him briefly with a coy smile, yet it didn’t touch her eyes. "Now, the reason we didn't know what the First Order was up to or what their true power is because they hid in the Unknown Regions." She waved her hand over the area on the map.   
"It's a large uncharted area." He agreed. "Nobody really goes out there, so we couldn't know until it was too late."  
"Not completely true." She corrected him. "I know of two systems in the Regions; Illum and Rakata Prime. But that is old knowledge the Empire tried to do away with." She mused.   
"I'm guessing that's where the First Order also got the information for the map to Master Skywalker.” He added, remembering the skirmish in the village when he had retrieved the final piece.  
“Yes, it is.” She nodded. “The remnants of the Empire ran and hid in the Unknown Regions after their defeat. Nobody goes out there, not really. So where else would you plot your return and revenge?"  
"Fair enough." He conceded. "Any intel come through yet?"  
"No. Nothing yet." She said with a sigh. "Give it some time. We'll find them."  
“Hey, we've been working hard all day. Come with me to see Finn?” He asked quietly, not looking at her.   
“Yeah.” She switched the holotable off and tugged on his sleeve. “Let's go.”  
*  
“Man, and I thought I was the one who needed some good sleep. Now you're just showing me up, Buddy.”   
A sad smile tugged at Nat's mouth as she watched Poe sit next to Finn and talk to his unconscious form. She had done her best, but unfortunately, working with an unconscious Finn wasn't as easy as working with a healthy, unconscious, as well as unaware, Poe. Regardless, she was determined to make things right, it just needed time. Sure, it was Ben’s fault, and her brother's legacy if she was being completely honest, that the young man lying before her was in a comma, but it didn't stop the lingering guilt that gnawed on her own mind.   
“This kriffing family, I swear to god.” She hissed under her breath.   
“You say something, Nat?” Poe looked back to her in confusion.  
Giving him a sweet yet blurry smile, she shook her head. “Nope.” She promised.   
“You sure?” He asked curiously.   
“Just questioning my brother’s life choices.” She waved him off, moving to sit in the chair next to his.   
“Why are you doing that?” This made Poe laugh.   
“Well, he is dead, isn't he?” Nat said with a straight face.   
Instantly his eyes went wide. “Sorry! I shouldn't have-”  
“Poe, it's fine.” She promised, resting a hand on his knee, effectively silencing him. “Well, I mean, it's not fine that he's gone, but… you know what I mean.” Leaning back in her chair, she sighed. “But as I said, I question his life choices. However, he made those choices, and in the end, he suffered for it.”   
“What did he do?” He asked slowly.   
“He was tricked into doing horrendous things to save the lives of the ones he loved; and in the process, lost those same ones he was trying to save.” Tears threatened to fall as memories flashed through her mind, the memory of the heat flaring across her skin.   
“You turned her against me!”  
“You have done that yourself!”  
Watching her closely, he frowned, almost feeling the pain and sadness radiating off her now hunched form. “I'm sorry.” Was all he could manage.   
Sniffling, Nat straightened back up and shrugged. “In the end, he saw the error of his ways and did what he could to make up for them.” She said. “But by then it was too late. He did what he could though. And it changed everything.”  
“I can't leave you here, I've got to save you!” A young and desperate voice pleaded.  
“You already have.” A frail and fading voice promised.  
A single tear fell from Nat’s eye as the memory of the explosions she had never personally felt rocked the surroundings of the people the voices belonged to.   
“What happened?” He asked gently. When he didn't get a response however, he knew it was the wrong question to ask. “What was your brother’s name?” He tried instead.   
A piercing blue flashed through her mind. “Ani.” She whispered brokenly.   
“When did he…” Poe couldn't finish, instead hesitantly reaching over to take her warm slim hand in his larger worn hands.   
“Many years ago.” She whispered. “However it feels as though it were only yesterday I lost him.” Shaking her head, she pulled her hand from his loose grip and abruptly stood up. “I'm sorry, but I must go.” Her voice was choked as she rushed away.   
“Tasha!” He stood up, however she was gone before he could take a step forwards. Sighing in defeat, sat back down to look at unconscious man. “I don't know what I'm going to do, Finn.” He whispered. “We're all so broken. What am I going to do?”  
*  
48 hours later he was still asking himself the same question, what was he going to do, as he wandered around the base aimlessly. He no longer had nightmares that occupied his every waking and unconscious thought, but that left it open for everything else and nothing. And currently, he was stuck at the nothing stage. It wasn't even lunch time yet and he had done all he could and was supposed to; file any reports that had to be done, visit Finn, send a quick hello message to his father, and done a quick diagnostic on BB-8 to make sure everything was in absolute running order. Now that all of that was done, he was left to his own devices.   
While he couldn't seem to think of anything to do, his faithful companion seemed to come up with something as he spoke up. Just go find Nat already and stay with her.   
“What is it with you, BB-8?” Poe shook his head. “She's a busy woman, I'm sure she's got lots to do.”  
But you want to see her, you just won't admit it. BB-8 retorted.   
Rolling his eyes and huffing in annoyance, Poe knew the little droid was right. He would like to see Natasha; he just didn't know if he should. Although she spent time with a number of other people on the base, she did seem to spend the most time with him…  
Look, there's Jessika right there, maybe she can tell you where to find our friend. BB-8 pointed out before rolling ahead.   
Watching him race away, Poe looked ahead to see where the astromech was headed before running after him. “Hey, Jess? Have you seen Nat?” He called when he spotted his teammate just ahead in the hall, jogging to join her side.   
“Oh, hello Poe. And yes, I have.” She nodded.   
That was unsurprising, since the two women had been introduced they had become fast friends, Jess, and the rest of the squadron even, joining in on the work being done on Nat’s X-Wing when there was enough time.   
“Alright, how did she seem?” He asked rather pointedly.   
“So you've noticed it too, then?” She noted his tone as they stopped at the side of the hall so that they were out of the way of anyone walking along.   
“She seems more and more tired each day.” Poe nodded.   
“Snap and Nein noticed it too.” Jess nodded. “I think she's losing sleep at night, because when we were working on her X-Wing this morning and at one point she fell asleep while working in the cockpit!”   
“Did she?” He was surprised. Cockpits weren't exactly the comfiest place to fall asleep, but if she was that tired that she was passing out there…  
“Yeah, that was about an hour ago. She's probably still there if you went to look for her.” She confirmed.   
“Has she eaten yet?” He asked in concern.   
At this Jess simply looked at him as if to say isn't it obvious? “Does she ever eat in the morning?”  
“Fair point.” Poe agreed with a nod. “Thanks, Jess.” He patted her on the shoulder and walked away.   
Blinking as he walked out of the corridor and into the bright sunlight, he instantly made his way to the already familiar X-Wing, standing solitary at the end of the landing platform where the fabled Millennium Falcon had briefly sat weeks previously. Nodding to R3 as he walked past him and towards the ladder, he ignored the astromech heated warnings as he climbed up, stopping short of climbing into the ship when he saw his friend curled up in the pilot’s chair. He had never seen her sleeping before, but Poe was saddened to see Nat’s face scrunched up in her sleep, as though she were sad, haunted by something in her dreams. It was a feeling he had come to know well, though, they had let him be these past couple of days. Hoping that whatever was plaguing her mind right now wasn’t too unkind, he reached out to gently touch her shoulder.  
*  
Seeing Fives hunched over the holobooth, her eyes glowed a magenta light as she breathed the man’s name so that only he could hear her.   
Whirling around to face her in the shadows, his body relaxed even further at the sight of her. “General Amidala,” He sighed in relief. However, when he took note of her attire, regret filled his face. “Sir, if I had known you were at the senate-”  
“Don’t worry about it, Fives. And speak freely.” She waved him off. “What’s troubling you?”  
“There’s a conspiracy that goes to the highest order. I can't talk about it right here, but we’re in danger. All of us;” Fives spoke quickly and desperately, grabbing onto Natasha’s shoulders. “Clones and Jedi.”  
"Whoah!!"  
The world around her rushed into color and view as she was ripped from sleep. After a moment of regaining her bearings, she realised she had Poe in her grasp by the collar of his uniform, her knife at his throat and their faces inches apart; hers focused while his was wide eyed in shock. Realising what she was doing, she let him go and fell back into the cockpit of her new X-Wing.  
"Oh my god. I am so sorry, Poe!" She apologised.  
"Heh. Remind me to never wake you up, again." He chuckled weakly, correcting his footing on the ladder attached to the ship.   
"No, it's fine. Wanna wake me up, shake me like there's a fire and we gotta go." She told him, her voice pitching as she stretched. "You just caught me off guard, is all."   
"Sorry about that." He scratched the back of his head.   
“I'm the one who held a knife to your throat and you're apologizing to me?” She asked incredulously.  
“It makes us even.” He waved her off. “If you don’t mind my asking, where did you get that? And… what is it?” He changed the subject, looking to the bronze blade in Nat’s hand.   
Scooting over and beckoning to him, she laughed as he climbed halfway into the cockpit, letting his legs hang inside as he sat on the edge. “Vibro blade. It has an ultrasonic vibration generator in the hilt, so even the slightest graze against an opponent in combat would result in a gaping wound.” She explained, sliding the thick handled dagger back into its hiding place in a sheath in her knee high boot. “Mine is different in that it electrocutes the opponent when it slices…”  
“Huh.” He said, noticing how she trailed off at the mention of electrocution. Feeling she wanted to change the subject, he studied the console. “Are you doing anymore work I could help with?”  
“No, it’s quite alright.” She promised. “Besides, I believe I am done for the day. The afternoon at least. I think I’m almost done, anyways.”  
“Have you eaten yet?” He asked.  
“No, not yet.” She shook her head.   
“Join me.” He climbed out to stand on the ladder once more, extending his hand to her. “You need your strength.  
“Thank you.” Nat took his hand and stood up. Letting Poe climb down, she quickly followed him. “Can I get your opinion though, before we go?”  
“Yes, of course.” He turned with her to look at the black X-Wing.  
“The red stripe there, I want to change it.” She pointed.  
“I hope you don’t plan on changing it to orange.” He teased, throwing his arm around her shoulder. “You’ve already stolen the black body of the ship from me. Don’t steal the rest of my originality.”  
“Well poodoo,” She playfully scowled. “Never mind.”  
“I’m kidding.” He pulled away, laughing at the look on her face. “What were you thinking of?”  
Humming thoughtfully, she chose her words carefully. “Aqua, purple, or green.”  
“Why those colours?” He asked.   
In that brief moment she could almost hear the unmistakable hum and feel the heat off the glowing blades that were forever imprinted in her mind as she replied with “No reason.”  
Crossing his arms, he considered the options, looking between the woman and the ship before coming up with an idea and an answer. “Go with green.” He offered.   
Nodding in thought, she crossed her arms as well. “I have done green and black before…” Her tone was light.   
“Then you know it works.” He confirmed before tugging on her elbow and putting his arm around her shoulders once more, pulling her along with him. “Now let’s go. You need to eat.”  
Gingerly bringing an arm up to wrap around his torso in return as they walked, Nat cringed. “Sorry again for holding a knife to your throat.”  
“No harm done.” Poe waved off her apology. “Although, you did move pretty fast. How did you do that?”   
She was quiet all of a sudden, her face contorting into different emotions; confusion, sadness, and curiously, fear. “Combat training from a young age.” She said quietly, pulling away from him to walk a little faster, leaving her a few steps away from him as they walked. “It’s why I went to Coruscant as a kid. Military training started even before that.”  
“If you don’t mind my asking,” He quickened his steps to walk next to her once again. “But did you ever have a chance to… you know… actually be a kid?”  
“Oh, absolutely.” She reassured him. “I went to school, I played with other kids my age, took music classes, refuse to eat my vegetables.” The last one made him laugh. “Nothing about me being a child was lost. For the most part, I had an amazing childhood, there were just a couple of other things that happened during that time.”  
“Still, a child shouldn’t be a soldier.” He said gently as they walked into the mess hall.  
“War does strange things to people, Poe.” She returned in the same tone, leading him to the food line. “The same with fear and grief. Trust me, I know.”  
At the way she said this, with such dark feeling, Poe stopped in his tracks, leaving him to watch in gut wrenching worry, curiosity, and wonder. “And what did it do to you?” He demanded, feeling sick that something such as what she described was done to someone in the Resistance. Then again however, much of the Resistance fighters were made up of people with their own horror stories. He certainly knew he had his own.  
It was Nat’s turn to stop at the words directed to her. “An assassin in almost every way but the title.” She admitted, her back still turned to him. “They gave me a different title instead.”  
“Do you regret it?” He asked.  
“No.” She turned to him. “Are you scared?”  
“Of you?” His eyebrows raised in surprise. Smiling slightly, he shook his head. “No. Never.”  
Her face slipping into a cold mask, her eyes hardened. “One day, you’re going to regret saying that.” She warned him before taking a tray and making her way down the food line, leaving Poe frozen to the spot in shock, and to be completely honest, fear.  
*  
“And you have all her specifications on file?” Poe asked C-3PO as the protocol droid worked on a tablet.   
“Yes, Commander.” 3PO promised. “I shall search through inventory tonight for what will meet your needs and have it to you tomorrow morning.”  
“Thanks, Buddy. You’re the greatest.” Poe grinned.  
“3PO, Ackbar requires your help at the central console.” General Organa said as she approached the two.  
“Yes, Princess- uh, General.” The droid gave a quick nod to each of them in turn before departing.  
“Who’s specifications were you asking about?” She crossed her arms, turning to the young pilot with a faint smile.   
“Oh… uh… no one, General.” Poe mumbled.  
“I know you and your squadrons have gotten close to Natasha in these past few weeks, Poe.” She told him. “You growing close to her most of all.”  
“She’s wonderful to work with, General.” He said, straightening up. “Very committed to the cause, kind to everyone she meets here on base.”  
“You should see her fly. Natasha would most likely rival your skills as a pilot.” Leia teased.  
“Are you trying to replace me, General?” He threw back.  
“I don’t know if Natasha would want to replace you.” Leia’s smile faded into a controlled, sad and distant look. “As much as her flying skills matched Luke’s, if not outshone his, she always tended to prefer and excel on ground missions.”  
For a moment, they lapsed into silence, both looking at the floor until Poe spoke again, this time hesitantly. “General, what happened to Nat? Before she came here? 3PO said she was looking for a clean start.”  
Her jaw clenching for a moment, she locked gazes with him, allowing him to see the pain and turmoil lingering there. “Did she tell you anything?”  
“Only that everyone died.” He replied quietly. “That her brother was lost…”  
Surprised to see her jaw clench for the briefest moment, he watched as she put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s very painful for her to think about right now. Just give her some time, if she trusts you enough, she’ll tell you the truth. You must be patient, Poe.” She told him before walking away.  
“It's not about me being patient,” He mumbled more or less to himself. “It's just that I have a bad feeling about this.”


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
There was nothing. Completely submerged in darkness, she had to rely on the other senses she had been taught to use when she was a small child. In the past few weeks, this hadn’t produced any results, but she was not about to quit just yet.  
“Finn?”  
“Hello? Who’s there? Where am I?” The voice was faint, like a broken transition.  
“Finn.” She called again.  
“Hello?!”  
Nat let out a sharp gasp of pain as the connection snapped back like a rubber band, harshly thrusting her back into her body and surroundings. Trying to catch her breath, she looked up from the young man before her to a wary Dr. Kalonia next to her. “I’m sorry!” She gasped, clutching her head. “Give me a minute!”  
“Something happened this time.” Kalonia said lowly. “In all this time we’ve been trying this, you’ve never come up like that before.”  
“I heard him.” Nat nodded, smiling breathlessly. “I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him.”   
“Do you think you could do it again?”  
“Yes,” She leaned back in her seat, feeling physically and mentally exhausted. “But not today. What was achieved today was a large success, but enough is enough for today. The both of us need to rest, and besides, my head is killing me.”  
“Natasha, when was the last time you slept through the night?” Kalonia watched as the girl relaxed wearily in her seat.  
“Uhhhh… slept at night? Two weeks ago. I think it was two weeks anyways.” She mumbled in response.  
“You mean to say a week after you got here, you haven’t been able to sleep?” The Doctor asked incredulously.  
“Wow, has it been that long already?” Nat said in surprise. “Then yes, since a week after I got here. And besides, that was a personal choice more than anything. Far too much to do.”  
“You should be sleeping at night, Natasha. What would the General say if she knew?” Not expecting an answer, she brought Nat onto her feet and led her to the cot next to Finn’s, directing her to sit down. “You rest here, dear. I’ll put you on leave for the day so you can sleep and get something for your head.”  
“Thanks, Doc.” Nat sighed, reaching up to pull the hair tie from her bun to allow the freshly recoloured fiery hair to cascade down her back and onto the white pillow as she laid down.  
“You rest easy now.” Kalonia patted the young General’s leg as she walked away.   
Groaning in pain, Nat threw an arm over her closed eyes, effectively blocking out any light through her thin eyelids. She had never been a Healer; that had never been her path. She had always been aggressive, a fighter, just like her brother. Just like Finn. She had been unable to save her brother from darkness, and though the darkness Finn was suspended in was different, she would try her damnedest to save him.   
“Hey Tasha, you okay?”  
A warm and gentle hand wrapped itself around her wrist to lift her arm up, allowing light to seep through her eyelids once more. Groaning in protest, she squinted to see Poe standing above her, looking down in concern. “Headache.” She grumbled, gently pulling her arm from his hold to place it back on her face.  
“What happened?” His voice sounded, the cot dipping as he sat next to her hip on the mattress.  
“Working too hard.”  
“This early in the morning?” He teased.  
“Early bird catches the worm.” She mumbled.  
“That’s funny.” He laughed.  
“Glad I could amuse.” She snorted.  
“Can I get you anything?” He asked gently.  
“I’ve got her, Commander. Be careful Natasha, these will put you to sleep rather quickly.” Kalonia spoke up as she approached the two Resistance fighters.  
Moving her arm and sitting up to swing her legs over the edge of the cot to leave her sitting side by side with the pilot, Nat took the pill and glass of water from the Doctor with a “Thank you” before the Doctor left the three alone once more.  
“I like it.” Poe suddenly said.  
Pausing mid-sip, she turned her head to eye him oddly. “Like what?” She asked curiously.  
“Your hair.” He clarified, cautiously reaching over to gently pull on the soft ends of her hair hanging over her shoulder. “You should wear it down more often.”  
“Oh.” She looked down to the lock gently pinched between his fingers. “I always did hate having it up…” She recalled distantly, thinking back to the days where it had been shorter and a light brown blonde color rather than the long and vibrant dark red it was now.  
“Then don’t wear it up.” He whispered, giving it a light tug before putting it over her shoulder to hang with the rest of her hair halfway down her back.  
“I feel old.” She said suddenly, shuffling closer to him so she could rest her head on his shoulder. Beneath her head, she felt him stiffen slightly for a second before he relaxed with a sigh, resting his cheek against the top of her head. “I’ve seen and done far too much. I can’t sleep at night because my head is constantly racing, never resting.”  
Cautiously moving the arm that she was resting against, he wrapped it around her waist to give her a soft side hug, tugging her closer to his side in the process. “You have to try, Tasha. Find something to ease your mind.”  
“I can’t. I worry too much.” She said drowsily, leaning into him.  
“Worry about what? Who?”  
“Everything. Everyone.”  
Contemplating this broad answer, his arm tightened around her as he flinched in realization. “Are you up worrying about me at night?” His voice was small as he asked this. While he realized this was a selfish question, he knew Nat was aware of his panic attacks, being awake at night, and sensitivity to certain topics, thus making her careful about such topics. She had told him that she worried about people the night she had appeared at his door the last time he had a nightmare, so when she sighed and sagged into his embrace, he took this as a yes. Emitting a sigh of his own, he pressed his cheek against her hair. “Sweetheart, why are you worrying about me?” He asked.  
“Your nightmares. I worry about you.” She mumbled, making him feel cold. He hadn’t told anybody about his nightmares, so how in the world did she know about them?  
Figuring it was because she had seen him up at night in the past, he shook his head and sighed. “Oh Tasha, don’t worry about me. Please!” He begged. “You need sleep! You’ve been run down for the past two weeks, passing out wherever and whenever you can except when you should! We’ve all noticed it. Besides, I haven’t had nightmares in a long time. So please, promise me you’ll try and get some sleep tonight? Please? Just stop worrying about me and get some sl-”  
His words however were met with a light snore. Keeping his grip on her so she wouldn’t possibly fall over, Poe looked at her to see she was fast asleep, simply proving his point. “Silly girl.” He murmured, looking at Finn’s unconscious form across from them. “Looks like you’re not the only one sleeping on me, huh Finn?” He joked.  
“Commander?” The Doctor’s voice called quietly.  
“Yeah, Doc?” He asked, looking up to find her watching him.  
“You can just leave the General there to sleep. She certainly needs it.” She recommended.  
Turning his gaze to the woman sleeping against him, he gently shook his head. “No, I’ll take her back to her room. If she’s going to sleep, she deserves to sleep on a comfortable surface. No offence.” He said.  
“Alright; well, She’s on medical leave for the remainder of the day, so let her get the rest she needs.” Kalonia smiled before walking away.  
“Thank you!” He called after her. Tucking his hand under Nat’s knee, he pulled on her to sling her legs across his and pull her onto his lap. “You’re heavier than you look.” He mumbled, standing up with her in his arms.  
“Mmreh.” She mumbled, sleepily pressing her cheek into his shoulder, having been jostled from sleep briefly as she was moved.  
“You’re ridiculous.” He chuckled as he walked out to the hall, making his way to the dormitories.  
“But you love me.”  
At this quiet mumble, Poe almost dropped her. “Where’s your room?” He asked weakly.   
“164.” She wound an arm around his neck, burying her face into the crook of his neck.  
“164 it is.” He agreed.  
“R3 is inside. He’ll let you in.” She told him, her lips grazing his skin as she spoke, making him shiver.  
“Okay.” He noted, seeing he had to turn down the hall connected to the hall his small room, 134, was located. Counting the numbers on the doors as he wandered along, he was surprised when a door to his left slightly ahead of him slid open. As a familiar beeping sounded, he smiled as R3 called out of the room, his life form scanner sitting out of his dome. “Knew we were coming, R3.” He teased quietly.  
Of course. R3 whistled in return.  
“That’s my baby.” Nat cooed, letting her arm fall from where it had been resting on her stomach. As they passed the droid, she let her fingers trail across the top of R3’s silver dome.  
“He’s a droid. Not a child.” Poe chuckled as he walked into her room.   
“I have lots of babies. Lots of babes.” She sighed, the drugs obviously taking full effect now as she babbled nonsense. Babes, that’s what she meant. He knew what she meant by babes, at least.  
“Funny.” He knew she was going to pass out once more. Nat’s room was set up the same as his was, with the head of the bed pressed into the far left corner of the room so that foot sat near the door, leaving space between the bed and the other wall for at the most, pacing, before there was a small private refresher in an adjacent room to his right. “Cummon, let’s get you to bed.” He told her quietly, bending down to put her down on the messy, unmade bed.  
“You’re a babe too.” The words she breathed fading as he set her down, the arm that was previously around his neck coming down with her. As it fell, the back of her hand gently grazed his cheek.   
“Sleep, Tasha.” He pulled the covers over her body that had been warm and gently cradled against his moments ago. “Stop worrying about me and sleep.” Earning no response other than her even breathing, Poe watched her peaceful face intently. Lifting a hesitant hand once more, he carefully brushed her long hair from her face, allowing his fingers to gently skim down her temple to her cheek. “For I worry about you too, sweetheart.” He whispered before leaving the room.  
*  
Natasha’s face clouded over darkly at his words. “Tell me what you know.” She urged him.  
“Not here. General Skywalker is leading the hunts for me.” Fives looked around, paranoia completely ruling every fibre of his being.  
“Then you know that if I assist or am seen with you, I will be in a great deal of trouble.” She warned him.  
Regret instantly filled the terrified trooper. “Sir, I’m sorry.”  
A smirk however grew on the young woman’s face, one that many clones recognize as a sign that a plan was formulating in her mind. “Oh, I’m helping you,” Nat said, taking a step back. “I just won’t be seen.” She explained as she became invisible with a single thought. “Now cummon, let’s move out!”  
“Yes, sir!” He said as they made their way out of the alley.  
A darkness much different from the black world she had been unconsciously immersed in filled her vision as she peeled her eyes open, wrenching herself from the dream. No, not a dream…  
She didn’t want to relive that time, that was when things had already started to go downhill, in terms of the war and her relationship with her brother. Yet as much as Nat wanted to forget the past, she desperately wanted to remember them too.  
Snapping up into a seated position, she could hear the echoes of a scream that was yet to come; one that had been silent for weeks, but she had slipped up. Had gotten lazy and selfish. But yet…  
“Stop worrying about me and sleep.”  
“For I worry about you too, sweetheart.”  
Her cheeks becoming a dusted pink, Nat slipped out of her warm bed and changed into a dark outfit she had on the floor before throwing her red hair up into the usual double knot. Glancing at the time and snorting at such the early hour, she grabbed a slim device and strange cable from her bedside table before heading out of her quarters.  
*  
“What did you do with that map?”  
A cut exploded bright and warm red on his forehead. However, he still did not speak.  
“Where did you put the map the old man gave you!”  
Despite the bruising blow, nothing.  
“Tell me!”  
As a jolt of electricity shocked through him, only a scream of pain pealed past his lips, still unwilling to give up a secret that he’d take to the grave, which with each passing hour, seemed closer than he could ever imagine.  
With a yell caused by the phantom pain, Poe flew up in bed. No… no, no, no. The nightmares had stopped. He hadn’t had a nightmare in weeks, why was he having them again? Granted, he still freaked out if the memories intruded on his thoughts during the day, but with no nightmares anymore, he thought that meant he was getting better, that he was recovering from the torture.   
But no. He had let his guard down, he was weak, then and now. Shaking his head, he wrestled his way out of bed to put on some loose and free moving clothes and a jacket overtop before wandering out of his room and down the halls.   
With it being 4:30 in the morning, barely anyone was up in the halls aside from droids, which made it perfect for him as he wanted to be alone. With everybody asleep, it left him alone so that no one would ask questions, which was at this point the last thing he wanted. So as the door to the workout room slid open, Poe was surprised and dismayed to have the sound of a running grav mill meet his ears. It was early in the morning, who in the world be up running at this hour? Relief and happiness flooded through him however when he entered the room and saw the familiar red hair flicking back and forth as Nat jogged on the grav mill. She appeared not to have noticed his entrance in the room, for the small white pods attached to a thin white cord buzzed in her ears. Wandering over, he stood at her side and waved, catching her attention. Nodding, she clicked a white button attached to the cord that hung by her throat before pressing the stop button on mill. Allowing it to slow down, she gently let it drop her to the ground before she walked over to him.   
“Hello, Poe.” She said with a gentle smile, taking the pods from her ears to sling the cord around the back of her neck.  
“Hey, what are you doing up?” He smiled at her.  
“I slept all day yesterday, I think I’ve had my fill.” She shrugged. “You?”  
His heart sank in his chest as he looked away. “Can’t sleep.” He said lowly.  
Instantly her face fell in realization. “You’re having nightmares again?” She asked sadly.  
All he could do was nod, not meeting her gaze for fear of finding pity. Had Poe of looked up though, he instead would have found guilt filling Nat’s eyes rather than the pity he feared. “Yeah.” He said softly.  
Thinking carefully, she let out a quiet, shaky breath before stepping forwards to gently wrap her arms around the shaken pilot, resting her chin on his shoulder. Although he was certainly surprised by her actions, he wasted no time in pulling her closer to him in a tight embrace. As he buried his face in the crook of her warm neck, he shivered slightly when she gently stroked the back of his head. “It’ll get easier in time, Poe.” She promised softly. “You just have to give it that; time.”  
“I know,” He whispered, gripping onto her a little tighter. “I know.”   
They stood there for quite some time before Poe shyly pulled away. “Sorry about that.” He apologized, running a hand through the hair at the back of his head.  
“Don’t ever apologize for something like that.” She told him. “I’m here for you, okay?” Then, looking around to the equipment around the room, she asked “Would you care for some company?”  
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You were here first.” He laughed.  
“Fine.” She grinned. “If that’s how you feel, then ask.”  
“Mind having some company?” He asked, struggling to keep a straight face.   
Composing herself, the corner of her mouth tugged upwards slightly. “Only if you can keep up.”  
“Is that a challenge, General?” He stepped closer.   
“If you want it to be.” She matched his actions and stepped closer.  
After a moment of staring he broke out into a smile; she was challenging him, and if he was correct, in more ways than one. “Right then.” He nodded, stepping away to peel off his jacket and toss it towards the wall. “Let’s get started.” He motioned to the grav mills.  
“Would you mind if I played some music?” She asked, holding up a thin, palm sized tablet.  
Unintentionally ignoring her question, his eyes widened in curiosity as he fixed themselves on the little and foreign device. “What is that?” He asked.  
Following his gaze to the device, Nat let an amused smile pull at her lips. “A cell phone. It’s a device from my planet.”  
“What does it do?” Wonder laced his voice.  
“A lot of stuff.” She said, turning the dark screen towards her to push a button and tap the screen a few times before pulling the white cord from a plug in the device. “But right now,” Poe jumped when noise began to blare from the cell phone. “It’ll play music.”  
“That’s what you call that noise?” He couldn’t stop himself from asking in disbelief, listening to the screeching vocals and wailing instruments.  
At the insulted and horrified look she gave him, he almost laughed loudly. The way she reacted to his words, one would have thought he had insulted her grandmother. “That is ACDC.” She stated with conviction.   
“And you like that noise?” He chuckled, his eyes being open a little more as to who Nat was as a person.  
Hands on her hips, she pursed her lips in thought before turning the screen back on and tapping something, silencing the music. “Okay, no music.” She mused.  
“No, if you want to-” He began to protest, feeling bad for teasing something she obviously enjoyed.  
“It’s fine, really.” She held a hand up. “We can just talk instead.”  
This made him smile. “Talk. Yeah, I’d like that.” He agreed.  
“Anything in particular?” She asked.  
Humming in thought, he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander over her frame. It was interesting, how he wore loose clothing to exercise in, while in comparison, Nat had black tights and a form fitting green muscle shirt to move freely in. Tearing his gaze away from her figure to meet her amused gaze, he nodded. “Tell me about you.” He settled on.   
“Only if you will tell me about you.” She returned.  
“Deal.”  
So, over the courses of their exercises, between panting on the grav mills and grunting while lifting weights, they got to know each other and their pasts. Poe had known before that Nat had lived between Tatooine and Naboo before settling on Coruscant for training and eventually politics, but she had mentioned a brother before, Ani, who had made some wrong choices that ended his life. That was all she had ever said about him before, so when Poe asked her about Ani gently, she smiled wistfully.   
While on Tatooine at the age of 6, she had come upon a family who were slaves to a Toydarian who were graceful enough, and the Toydarian, begrudgingly, to allow her to live with them as she spent time between Naboo and their home planet. Quite quickly Ani and his mother became a sort of foster family to her, and while she still had her blood family, they were not involved with her travels. By the time she was 7 however, and Ani was 9, he quite quickly got caught up in her world on Naboo when it came to their scorching planet. After a few days, she and her foster brother were whisked off to Coruscant for combat training together, while she still kept her ties with Naboo over the years. He had been a hell of a pilot from a young age, she told Poe, as well as being advanced in fighting, mechanics, and in leadership; however, as she had said before, he too now was gone, much like everyone else she knew.  
The conversation had become heavy, but she immediately made it light and cheery again and their questions went all over. Favourite colors? His of course, orange and black, while hers ranged from black, aqua, red, purple, and green. Favourite pass time? His flying, hers reading. He had even learned that before she had dyed her hair red, her hair color had been colored by the sun, turning her brown hair into a blonde brown that had been the same color as her brothers; although naturally, it was as dark as his own curly hair, as he had noticed when her roots began to show over her time here before she had recolored it.  
At one point he had tried to be sneaky, asking what her ship was, and surprisingly, she answered, however not how he had expected her to.”  
“Axcess 3000.” She grunted, looking up at him as he spotted her on the bench press.  
“That’s not a model.” He protested.  
“No, it’s a name.” She replied, hooking the weight back onto the bar with his help. “I always name my ships. Besides, it’s heavily modified from it’s original state. Yours?”  
“T-70 with special modifications. You know that.” He muttered as they exchanged places.  
Thus it continued on: they compared work in the field, how they had achieved their ranks. Inheriting his mother’s gift as a pilot, Poe had quickly risen through the ranks in the Republic’s fleet to become a Commander before being brought into the Resistance by General Organa and retaining his rank. Nat had surprised him by shyly admitting that she had become a General at 17. When fighting had broken out, those who had been deemed old and experienced enough had graduated and been granted the rank of General before being thrust into the field.  
“Weren’t you scared?” He tried to imagine her at a younger age and being put into such a situation.  
“Sometimes.” She admitted, taking a long gulp from her canteen before passing it to him to take a drink from. “But I had some of the best soldiers by my side, so I never had anything to fear.” Wiping her face with a towel, she motioned towards the empty padded space in the corner of the room. “Wanna spar?” She asked.  
This surprised him. “Really?”  
“What, don’t know how to fight on the ground, Pilot?” She teased him.  
“Oh I know how to. Question is do you?” He threw back, knowing very well after she had held a knife to his throat on accident that she knew how to move.  
“Sweetheart, I can fight in the air, I can fight on the ground, and up close and personal.” She gave him a devious smirk as she stepped close enough that her warm breath touched his face. “I didn’t lead my troops from a control room.” With a laugh, she moved away to the fighting space.  
Following her to the middle of the cushioned floor, he stood at the ready. “Really? Go ahead then. Prove how good you really are.”  
“Your move.” She taunted, getting into her own fighting stance.  
Quickly Poe threw a series of punches which Nat either deflected or evaded with ease before landing her foot on his chest and sending him stumbling back. When he locked eyes with her, he felt determination flame through him as he charged at her with a yell, sending a fist at her once more. Hands out, she quickly grabbed his fist before seemingly dancing past and sending him flying to the ground, leaving him unsure of what quite happened.  
“That was sloppy and reckless.” She chided above him, moving to stand next to him as she looked down. With a groan, he rolled onto his back as she continued speaking. “I thought you said your father was a Pathfinder. Did he not teach you-”  
She was cut off however when he swiped at her ankles with his arm, sending her falling to the ground with a cry of surprise. Scrambling up, he quickly sat on her stomach and pinned her wrists down, leaving her immobilized. “You… were saying?” He panted, grinning in victory. She didn’t respond however, instead struggling underneath him with her thighs resting against his back, staring up at him with wide eyes, her breath caught in her throat. Realizing the rather intimate position they were in, he started to let her go. “I’m sorry-”  
He never had a chance to finish however as she bucked her hips upwards, sending him falling forwards towards her which she quickly corrected, freeing her wrists from his hold to grab his instead as she rolled them, leaving Poe flat on his back with her on top. Heat raced through his veins once more, except this time, it wasn’t determination that burned in him. “You were saying?” She smiled at him sweetly.  
Struggling to free his wrists, which she kept pinned down, he shook his head. “Alright, alright. I surrender.” Tilting her head on the side, she studied him closely before letting go of his arms, however not making a move to get off of him. With his wrists free, he brought his hands up to grab Nat’s hips and guide her off his stomach and into his lap as he sat up. “You fight dirty.” He told her, earning a laugh as she gently pushed on his shoulders, keeping them there even after he rebounded slightly.  
“There’s no rules in a real fight, you know that.” She smiled.  
“Still.” He shook his head.  
As their laughter faded away, she looked at him shyly. “Thank you for bringing me to my room yesterday, Poe.” She said quietly.  
His hold on her hips unconsciously tightened. “It was no problem, Tasha. You needed it. Plus drugged you is both adorable and hilarious.”  
“Funny.” She rolled her eyes. “Wanna go another round?”  
“Bring it on!” He said as she climbed off his lap and got ready for another round.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
Poe, Poe, Poe!  
Groaning in protest, Poe lazily lifted his head from his pillow to look at BB-8 wiggling back and forth on the spot. “What is it, Buddy?” He asked tiredly.  
R3 sent a message. They want us on the runway right away. Snap, Jess, Nien, and Bastian have been called as well.  
This caught his attention. “She finished the work on her ship?”   
Today is the day! BB-8 confirmed.  
While a part of him was amazed that she had managed to do the repairs and modifications so quickly, she did have much of the remainder of the Red and Blue squadron’s help in doing the work, so it was understandable that the work was done so quickly. Nonetheless, excitement made his heart race as he leapt out of bed to scramble around the room to put on his flight suit. “I left the gear in our ship, right?” He asked his companion.   
Yes.  
“Do you think she’ll like it?” He stopped suddenly, feeling rather shy at the realization of what was to come.  
She likes you. BB-8 chirped.  
“That’s not what I asked.” Poe frowned.  
Same thing. The droid tilted his head as he patiently waited by the door.  
*  
“She’s ready to go? She’s actually ready to go?!” He shouted as he ran up to the newest addition to the Resistance fleet where Nat sat on one of the wings, completing the last repair.  
Throwing the tool down into the tool box, she climbed down the ladder a part of the way before jumping down to the ground and into Poe’s waiting arms. “Yes! Yes, she is!” She laughed cheerfully as he spun her around in excitement, her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders while his held her around the waist.  
“Way to go!” He sat her back down on the ground yet continued to hug her tightly.  
“We are clear for take off!” She hugged him back with equal fervour. “So what do you say, ready to get your backside beat, Dameron?” She pulled away to give him a wicked grin.  
“As if.” He pulled back as well, however his hands not falling away from her frame completely, sliding around to rest on her hips. “I think you have it the wrong way around.”  
“You sure about that?” Her hands came to rest on top of his and squeezed gently.  
In return, he squeezed her hips lightly. “Positive.”  
“We’ll see about that.” She said cockily before turning to walk away.  
He wrapped an arm around her waist however to tug her into his side as he whirled them around to walk towards his own black X-Wing. “Not so fast there, Tasha. I have something for you.”  
“What is it?” She made no move to pull away as they walked.  
Grinning at her shyly, he hugged her by the side briefly before climbing up the ladder attached to his own ship. “Hang on!” He called as the hatch opened. Seeing the object he was looking for sitting in the seat next to his own, he took a deep breath and grabbed it before climbing back down. “If you’re going to upgrade to match the rest of us, you should do that with gear too.” He said, holding out the brand new helmet he had worked so hard on to her once he was back on the ground.  
“Poe…” Nat breathed in shock, her wide eyes fixed on the black and purple helmet before meeting his gaze.  
“Go on, take it.” He encouraged her, pressing the helmet into her hands. The moment it left his fingers, bashfulness took over in full force once more. “I uh- I figured since you have a black X-Wing now too, and that you’re updating and all…”  
He was cut off when a familiar warm weight was pressed against and wrapped around him. “Thank you, Poe.” Her voice was muffled against his neck, making him shiver.  
“It was my pleasure.” He replied before reluctantly pulling away to take the helmet from where she had placed it on a crate. “You had said before you hadn’t been sure which color you wanted to paint the stripes on your ship, and I thought for your helmet, purple would look good… with… your… hair…”  
Her mischievous brown eyes flicked between the helmet, his eyes, and somewhere else he wasn’t too sure of when she smiled. “Well, there’s only one way to find out.” She said, taking the helmet from his hands and put it on. Slipping the yellow visor down, she gave him a goofy grin. “Well? How do I look?”   
He had to give it to his and BB-8’s handy work. After C-3PO found and gave him the helmet he asked for, Snap had been kind enough to give him some paint to use so that it would match Poe’s own helmet in every way except where his was red in places, Nat’s was purple, one of the colors she had contemplated using on her ship but had ultimately decided against. With a chuckle, he clapped his hands on either side of her helmet to give her head a slight shake. “Safe.” He told her honestly.   
“Good.” She said, tilting her head slightly so that it rested a little heavier in one of his hands.  
“Before you said you name all of your ships. Did you come up with a name for this one?” He asked lowly, looking over to the black and dark green craft.  
“I did indeed. Rover 300.” She replied, still looking at Poe.  
“Why Rover?” He asked, looking back to her as his hands fell to her shoulders.  
“A Rover is someone who’s spends their time wandering.” She shrugged slightly. “That’s what I’ve done all my life. I found it fitting.”  
“Rover…” He nodded in thought. “I like it.”  
“Natasha!”   
Their shared moment was broken when her name was shouted out. Turning her back to him, she grinned widely when she saw Jess running towards them; Snap, Nien, and Bastian walking behind her, all the pilots suited up in their flight gear. Laughing, Nat took off her new helmet and carefully sat it back down on the crate before running off to meet her friend halfway. The two women crashed into each other in a quick hug before they pulled away.   
“It’s done?!” Jess asked excitedly.  
“Yes! I just finished the last repair!” Nat crowed as the men joined the two women. “We are set for a test flight!”   
“It’s about time!” The Sullustan pilot said in his native tongue, earning a laugh from the small group.   
“Give her a break, Nien.” Bastian elbowed him teasingly. “Sure, we all agree half of the fixing up she did was unnecessary, but hey, she got it done pretty fast.”  
“Of course, but only with our help.” Nien teased back.  
“They may have seemed unnecessary to all of you, but to me it makes all the difference.” Nat rolled her eyes with a smile.  
“The green looks good.” Snap commented, nodding towards the ship.  
“Yes, it does. Thanks for the paint and your help, Snap. All of your help.” She looked to each teammate in turn.  
“It was our pleasure.” Jess patted her on the shoulder. “Besides, it was fun.”  
“I thought so. And it was wonderful to get to know all of you, too.” Nat grinned.  
“So Commander, what’s our plan of attack?” Bastian asked, looking to Poe who had stood off to the side listening and smiling slightly to himself.  
“Well, since this is Nat’s first flight, I think she should lead the charge.” Poe turned towards the woman in question.  
At this her face fell in surprise. “What? Me?” She asked. “Poe, I don’t think-”  
“But I do.” He interrupted her. “Besides, you outrank me. If we’re all going up there, you should be in charge. General.”  
“Alright then.” Nat nodded, looking to the ground. After a moment of thought, she looked up to the pilots. “Let’s get in the air folks.”  
“Woo hoo!” Bastian let out a whoop as the team broke, each wandering to their own ship.  
“Hey, Poe.” Snap grabbed Poe by the elbow briefly as he walked to his ship. “What did Natasha think of the helmet?”   
Stopping at the ladder leading up to the squadron leader’s ship, they watched Nat as she picked her helmet up off the crate she had rested it on before delicately tucking it under her arm and walking towards her ship. “She loved it.” Poe reassured his friend.   
“Loved it, or loved that you gave it to her?” Snap asked.   
“What is it with you and BB-8?” Poe asked in exasperation. “She’s just a friend. Not only that, she’s a superior officer.”  
“Keep telling yourself that, Black Leader.” Snap clapped him on the shoulder before hurrying to his own X-Wing.  
Rolling his eyes, he climbed up the ladder to prepare himself and his own ship. Sure, he liked Nat, but like like? How could one not like her? But in terms of… liking her than more as a friend… Trying not to dwell on the idea too much, he slipped on his helmet and readied the controls.   
In her black and green X-Wing, Nat studied closely the brand new helmet in her hands. She had never really worn a helmet while flying, not in the past anyways. If she ever did wear any sort of headgear, at most she had worn a headset, not an entire helmet. However, as she had to keep reminding herself, the past was the past, no matter what she did or say.  
That was very kind of Poe, to do up a helmet for you, wasn’t it? R3’s beeping filled the closed cockpit, making Nat smile gently.   
“Yeah…” She agreed quietly, running her fingers over the smooth paint. “It was very kind of him…”  
Ready to go?  
Nodding, she slipped the helmet on, immediately hearing everyone calling in, prepared to go.  
“Nat? Are you ready?” Poe’s voice sounded in her ear, unintentionally making her smile and her heart flutter slightly.  
“Ready, Black Leader.” She confirmed, flipping several switches and making the X-Wing roar to life.  
“You’re the one in charge here, General Amidala.” He reminded her. “It’s your call.”  
“Let’s get in formation, guys. We’ll get into the space around D’Qar and give this bad boy a go. Out there you guys can teach me your attack formations; I’m a little rusty.” She decided.  
“Roger that, General.” Jess agreed.   
“Let’s go.” Nat gave the order. With that, 6 X-Wings raised off the tarmac before turning to all face the same direction before taking off in formation.   
This is different. R3 commented as they broke through the atmosphere and flew away from the planet. Bulkier.  
“You’re telling me.” She agreed quietly.  
“Alright, Nat. I think we’re far enough from the planet now.” Poe said over the channel. “Prove to us that those modifications you made were necessary.”  
“Copy that loud and clear, Black Leader.” She noted. “Try to keep up. Let’s do this, R3.”  
Engines at full power. The silver and red astromech relayed.  
Instantly with crackling hands she pulled at the throttle, sending the ship flying forwards, faster than any of the other pilot’s X-Wings could achieve. Tilting the controls quickly to the left, Nat instantly executed a hairpin turn before flying straight up, causing her to let out an exhilarated whoop of excitement. “Whoah, this thing really moves!”  
From where he sat in his ship, Poe smiled when he heard her joyous cries, echoing his statement when he had escaped with Finn from the First Order in a TIE fighter. She was right however, while X-Wings were fairly agile, whatever Nat had done to her ship blew the regular capabilities of the ship out of the water. Watching her black and green fighter dip, spin, and zip through the open space, he could see what General Organa meant by Nat’s skills rivaling his own; and at this point he was almost willing to say that she was an even better pilot than he was. However, he’d have to see her fly in a battle to be utterly willing to give up his title of best pilot in the Resistance. Her reflexes during flight were obviously extremely fast, and the changes she made to the system obviously made the desired impact as she executed each maneuver.  
"What kind of modifications?" He breathed as they stared at each other, wide eyed.  
"Engine power, controls, weapons, sensors, sensitivity." She quickly and lowly listed off.  
"She's a T-70. Not the latest, but one of the best." He told her.  
"Not good enough."  
“Incredible.” He breathed, watching the aerial dance with wide eyes.  
“Alright, let’s do an old trick.” Nat’s voice sounded over the comm channel. “Surge all power units, R3. Standby reverse thrusters.”  
Instantly Poe’s face fell slack when he heard her give the command to her droid. “Wait, what? Natasha-” He said in panic, but never had a chance to finish his sentence.  
Done. R3 confirmed.  
“NO!” All of Red and Blue Squadron that sat idle and watched screamed as they heard the roaring of the Rover’s engines being gunned to maximum power as her ship began to spin as she flew in a straight line. As fast as she had entered the fast rotation, she had returned to a normal flight pattern, pulling up and around to regroup with the others.  
“You all didn’t think I could pull it off, did you?” Nat asked everyone teasingly, giggling when she received sighs of relief over the channel.  
“You’re mad, General.” Snap laughed weakly.   
“Wouldn’t have survived this long if I wasn’t, Wexley.” She threw back.  
“Alright, alright. Enough is enough.” Poe smiled slightly, glad to see his friend was okay. “Let’s get into formation and do a couple of practice runs.”  
“We’re with you, Poe!” Nat crowed excitedly as she took her place in the formation.  
“Okay.” He said, leading his teams forward. “Let’s do this!”  
*  
After an hour of rigorous practice, the pilots were clear to go home and land. Returning each of their ships back to where they had first sat on the concrete this morning, they were all quick to regroup on the ground, chattering excitedly about their latest practice.   
“Natasha, that was incredible!” Jess tackled the smaller woman as they grouped up.   
Laughing, Nat threw her arms around her friend. “Thanks, Jess!”  
“You did well keeping up with us.” Nien patted her shoulder kindly.   
“Thank you, Nien.” She nodded.   
“Alright, I'm starving.” Bastian said loudly, tucking his helmet under his arm.   
“I agree.” Poe said. “I say we all go get cleaned up and then go get something to eat.”  
“Okay, well… thanks for your company, everyone. It means a lot to me.” Nat smiled everyone before turning back to her ship and walking away.   
“See you in a bit, Poe.” Snap said, walking away with everyone else.   
Poe however remained where he was standing, watching Nat as she helped R3 free himself from the device that lifted him into the X-Wing. Walking over with BB-8 at his side, he smiled slightly when he heard her talking to the evidently stressed droid.   
“Yes, I know it's different from our old fighter, but this is our life now. We'll simply have to get used to it.” She stroked his dome.   
It suctions my head. R3 bemoaned. At least I could fly myself into the Axcess.  
“Speaking of which, that was some fancy flying, Nat. R3.” Poe addressed them as he approached them.   
“Thank you, Poe.” She smiled brightly, walking out from under the ship's wing.   
“I'm not gonna lie, you had me scared there at one point.” He shook his head.   
“What? The spinning trick?” She laughed, leaning against her ship. “Oh that's nothing. I learned that one from my brother. Came in handy when we're being chased by missiles. X-Wing isn't built as well as our old ships to pull off that kind of stunt, but it handled it pretty well.”  
“Pretty well?” He asked in disbelief. “It was flawless!”  
“No, it wasn't.” She shrugged. “But whatever.”  
“Unbelievable.” He chuckled. “Are you going to join us for lunch?”  
Pulling at the zipper on her jacket that sat on an angle, she tugged it down the side so that the flaps hung open to reveal the army green shirt she wore underneath. “If you don't mind, I'm going to skip out on this one.” She fanned herself. “My throat’s a little sore, so I think I'll just rest for a little while.”  
“With all that screeching, I'm not surprised.” He teased, earning a playful punch in the arm. Shaking his head, he gave her a serious look. “Just… call if you need anything, okay?” He offered.   
Fixing him with a gentle smile, Nat stepped forwards to hug him tightly. “Thanks, Poe.” She said quietly in his ear.   
Wasting no time in hugging her back, he buried his face in the crook of her neck, vanilla washing over his senses. “You were incredible up there.” He whispered back.   
“So were you.” She whispered back, reaching up stroke the back of his head, making him tremble.   
Suddenly feeling bold, Poe reached up to softly tug her long hair free from her low ponytail and letting it hang loose, the stray tendrils blowing in the breeze. Playing with the soft ends of her hair at the middle of her back, he gave her a quick squeeze and then let go of her. “I’ll see you later, Tasha.” He promised lowly.  
“Bye, Poe.” She said just as softly before he walked away.  
What neither of them saw however as the distance between them grew greater, was that both pilots struggled to calm the blush that heated their skin and control their shaky breathing.  
*  
Although she felt bad on skipping out on lunch with the team, this was something she needed to do soon; soon being now. Inhaling deeply, Nat smiled happily at the clean air that washed through her. It had taken her a long time to find this place, to find the man that she was after; however, she refused to involve anyone else in her search. She had a particular idea and way she wanted things done, and if that meant she didn’t tell Steve, then so be it. Besides, she’d be one what she wanted done before May, before war broke out.   
So, when the door to a safe house in the middle of no where Romania opened partially to reveal a shocked and shaggy haired man, she ignored the burning in the back of her throat and grinned widely, stepping forwards to say hello. That appeared to be her first mistake as the action caused her hair to sweep over her shoulder, revealing the round pin with the outline of a white bird on her lapel, and sending the frenzied man before her into action. As she easily evaded his attack and sent him sprawling to the ground, she quickly formulated a plan, despite knowing that things would go the way she planned.   
After all, in these worlds, they always did.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
BANG!  
Poe jolted to consciousness, and after a moment of hazy confusion realized the echoing sound of metal on metal had not come from his nightmares, but in fact from reality.  
Door. BB-8 screeched in binary from where he rolled wildly.  
“Right, Buddy.” Poe groaned before throwing the blankets away and scrambling out of bed. “Watch out!” He called to whoever was on the other side and then pressing the button on the control panel to open the door. Once it flew open, he looked out and down to find to see Nat’s red and silver astromech beeping in panic. “Whoah, whoah, whoah, R3! Slow down!” He kneeled to be level with the droid.  
It’s Natasha. You have to help! She won’t wake up! Something’s wrong! R3 screeched, rocking side to side.  
Anxiety instantly flare up in his chest. “Nat…” He breathed before straightening up and running down the hall, R3 and BB-8 rushing after him. Thankfully, nobody was in the barrack halls at this time as they hurried around the corner to the hall where Nat’s room was. The door flying open at R3’s remote command, the three were able to burst into the room. His eyes landing on her small huddled form under her blankets, Poe moved forwards cautiously to kneel on the edge of the mattress, resting his hands on her blanket covered shoulders.  
“Nat?” He called, his voice gentle as he shook her shoulders, remembering how she had stated her previous displeasure at people simply standing over her and repeating her name over and over in attempts to wake her up. “Nat? Are you alright?” In response, he a received a moan that made his heart stop momentarily. It wasn’t a typical what do you want or let me sleep morning groan; instead it was a weak and hoarse moan that had little life and attitude that the woman it came from always exuded.   
“Tasha?” Poe gently rolled her over onto her back to catch a glimpse of her unusually pale face. “Tasha.” Putting a hand to her cheek, he flinched away as their skin made contact. She was always warm, that was one of the things he liked about her, but… this was hot. Too hot to be healthy. “She’s burning up.” He muttered in panic. Making a quick decision, he ripped the blankets off she was hidden under to reveal a pillow she had hugged to her torso. “Come on, Tasha.” He grunted as he pulled the pillow away, making her whimper. Immediately he lifted her into his arms, throwing her own arm around his neck as she nestled her head into his shoulder. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I got you. BB-8, get the General and bring her to the infirmary.” He said quietly to the girl in his arms before giving the order to his droid.  
Got it. BB-8 buzzed before quickly rolling out of the room.   
As soon as the round astromech was gone, Poe was running out the door and hurrying through the empty halls once more, R3 racing ahead. His grip tightening on her as he ran, he had long since abandoned vocally begging to mentally chanting “Cummon, Tasha.” The last time he had carried her, she had at least been responsive, coming in and out of unconsciousness. This time however, aside from her shallow breathing, she didn't move at all. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, he was running into the infirmary. “Doc! A little help here, please!” He shouted as he ran in.   
Across the room, Dr. Kalonia sat fully dressed and awake, which she always seemed to be, sorting through her supplies. “Commander? What's wrong?” She asked in concern as she stood up.   
“It's Natasha.” He said as he made his way to a free bed and gently lowered Nat onto its surface. “R3 was banging on my door sayin something was wrong.” Behind him, R3 was rocking and beeping in panic. “Doc, she's burning up and won't wake up.”  
Placing her hand on the young General's forehead, Kalonia pursed her lips and shook her head. “It's just a fever, Commander.” She told him. “The best I can do is keep it under control.”  
“Can you?” He asked hopefully.  
This made her laugh. “Don't worry, Poe. Your friend is going to be just fine.”   
“Thanks, Doc.” He smiled slightly in relief. “Would I be able to with her?”  
“You may.” She allowed. “I'm going to have to put her in a med pod though to help lower her temperature.” Kalonia looked at Nat for a moment before looking to Poe with a kind smile. “However, you will have to let go of her for me to do so.”  
Meeting her gaze in confusion, he looked down. Without realizing it, after he had put Nat down on the bed, he had taken her hand into his to clutch it tightly. “Oh, sorry…” He mumbled in embarrassment, unwillingly letting go of her hand.   
“Your friend is going to be just fine.” She promised, patting Poe's shoulder before moving away, leading the cot into a pod. Situating it as she pleased, she sealed door behind her and tapped in some commands onto the controls. There was a locking sound and some positive beeping that made the older woman nod to herself in satisfaction. Walking over to Poe, she patted him on the shoulder. “You’re welcome to pull up a chair and keep an eye on her. Her droid can let me know if anything changes.”  
“Thanks, Doc.” He said distractedly, grabbing the chair he normally sat in while he visited with Finn so that he sat between his two friends, his focus however focused on the sick bay’s latest patient. Although while from his perspective it looked as though Nat simply lay in the pod almost as still as death, there was much more happening in not only inside her head, but elsewhere he could never dream of.  
*  
“Sorry about that Bucky.” She apologized as she walked back into the kitchen. “I didn’t expect you to come out of your room so soon. You’ve only been here a couple of days.”  
“No, it’s fine, Clara. It was my fault; I should have let you know I was coming.” He returned, fiddling with his fingers as he sat at the kitchen table.  
“Okay, we’re both at fault. You’re a silent stalker, my hoodoos or whatever you want to call it, is a little out of whack right now because I feel as sick as a dog.” She sniffled as she dug through the refrigerator.   
“Do you want to lie down?” He asked in concern.   
“I’m doing that at home, I’m doing that on D’Qar, I need to be moving somewhere; even if it’s somewhere else in a different universe and in my head.” She mumbled, wiping at her burning forehead before tying her limp red hair up at the back of her head in a messy bun.  
“Clara,” Natasha had to stop; she wasn’t used to be called by her middle name, so it took her a moment before she turned to Bucky. Watching as the taller man stood up and walked around the counter, he put his bionic arm on her shoulder and pushed her towards the doorway. “Go rest. I’m sure I can make something to eat myself. If you’re going to recover from whatever this is, you need to rest, on all levels. Whatever those levels are.” He muttered, still not understanding what she had meant by this when she had explained it to him previously.  
“You will call if you need anything, right?” She asked in concern.  
“Go. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here.” He promised, surprisingly smiling at her slightly.  
Patting his cheek comfortingly, Nat smiled before walking through the doorway into the hall. “You know where everything is, I’m sure, Bucky.” She called as she walked away. Shuffling the short distance, she sighed when she wandered into her room, closing the door quietly behind her before crawling into bed. As she relaxed under the heavy white comforters, she held a worn pillow to her torso as she felt herself fall into an unsettling and hot darkness.  
*  
“How is she?”   
Poe jumped in his seat when a gentle hand landed on his shoulder. Looking up, he blinked rapidly until he recognized General Organa standing above him. “Uhh… She hasn’t woken up yet.”  
“Dr. Kalonia told me she has a fever. With any luck, Natasha will be just fine tomorrow.” Leia reassured him.  
“With any luck? What do you mean by that, General?” He asked in confusion.   
Not meeting his gaze, she looked to the young woman unconscious in the medical pod. Knowing this was sensitive information Natasha now feared, she simply shook her head. “Hopefully it's a 24-hour flu and not something worse; that's all I'm saying Poe. Don't worry.” She promised.  
“Yeah, hopefully.” He mumbled.  
“Stay here with her, Poe. You've been relieved of your duties for today. I need another set of eyes on Natasha and you'll be perfect for the job.” Leia turned to face him, trying not to smile as Poe perked up, his posture straightening up from being hunched over. “You can send R3 to find me if anything changes or if anything additional is required.”  
“Thank, General Organa.” He said in relief.  
“Take care, Poe. The both of you.” She said with a final pat of his shoulder before she walked away. On her way towards the door however, she stopped to speak to Dr. Kalonia in a low voice. “Do whatever it takes to get her better. You have access to her file, so you know she may be a difficult case.”  
“Yes, General.” Kalonia promised.   
Nodding curtly, Leia looked back to the pod once more. She wasn't as attuned to the Force as others in her family were, however she could sense things, people, those she was close to. And as she looked to Natasha as she slept away in the pod, she felt a shiver when she felt a drifting presence before it latched onto a familiar, however cold signature. Her eyes widening in fear, she whispered a single, still beloved name before marching out of the sick bay.  
*  
It was dark, however the blackness that surrounded Kylo Ren, formerly Ben Solo, was warm and almost familiar, so similar to that pull to the light he felt with each passing day. Trying to look around, while he saw nothing, he knew he was alone in this space in his mind.   
“My brother and I may not have parted on the best of terms, but I knew him well enough to know that if he knew his grandson was foolishly following and worshipping all of the mistakes he regretted in the end, he'd be heartbroken.” A female voice echoed softly, however the tone in which the words were spoken were sharp, as though whoever spoke was personally insulted.  
“Who are you?” Kylo Ren called out, turning to look every which way for the source of the voice.  
This only earned an amused giggle. “Well… that always seems to be the question. I suppose that's what happens when you erase your existence from all records.”  
This angered him. He, the leader of the Knights of Ren, was having his mind invaded by someone unknown, and he was in the mood for no games. Especially after what had happened on Starkiller Base. “Answer me!” He screamed.  
“I did. And if you even paid half attention to what I've been saying, you'd know I answered you. However, you've proved you're just like my brother.” The voice chastised him disapprovingly. Turning once more, he was surprised to see a young woman dressed in short, white Jedi robes, her long brown blonde hair hanging over her shoulders. “Your grandfather.”  
“Anakin Skywalker didn't have any siblings. He was conceived through the Force.” He told her haughtily, standing to his full height, as though to intimidate the small woman.  
“First off, I never said anything about being blood related.” She corrected him, her brown eyes hardening. “Second, did you ever think maybe someone went through the Imperial records and erased evidence of their existence?”  
“That's impossible.” He scoffed.  
“Worked for Dooku when he erased the Kamino system from the Jedi Temple records.” She shrugged.  
Mulling over the information, Kylo Ren shook his head in denial, either unimpressed or not believing in this information. “Impossible. How can you be my Grandfather's sister when you look younger than I am?”  
“So simplistic.” She scoffed. “Because maybe I died when I lost my brother.” She stalked forwards to glare and stand directly in front of him in the dark confines of his mind. “For you see, the problem is, sometimes, some of us have trouble moving on.”  
*  
The day had dragged by at an antagonising slow rate, with it now being mid afternoon. Yet in all that time, Poe hadn't moved from his seat. As he faithfully watched over the red and silver astromech’s master, R3 in return had been kind enough to bring him different sustenance throughout the day, ranging from water to the nutrient bars Nat had told him she had stashed away. While they were not exactly the greatest thing, they were certainly filling and tasted much better than the nutrient paste provided in the Commissary. He occasionally chatted one sided with Finn, but for a majority of the time, he was focused on Nat.  
However, with the mix of adrenaline and worry fading away, it left him feeling rather exhausted. So it was as he was starting to fall asleep in his chair, high pitched beeping and warning sirens jolted him awake. Seeing red lights flashing in the pod, he jumped up to put a hand on the glass before looking back to the Doctor who was frantically working on her tablet.  
“Doc? What's going on?” Poe asked in concern over the trilling of the computers.   
“I don’t understand.” Dr. Kalonia muttered, tampering with her tools in an attempt to remedy whatever problem was occurring. “Her body temperature dropped an hour ago.”  
“Didn’t you fix that?” He asked, immediately realizing that it was a stupid question as he turned to look at her in fear.  
“I thought I did. I increased the temperature of the pod, but it’s not working. It’s hot enough to make someone pass out in there, and yet she is still shaking like a leaf.” She mused.  
Turning back to the window, his heart broke to see Nat violently shaking on the infirmary bed. He couldn’t understand how what the Doctor had done didn’t help his friend at all, besides, he could feel the heat radiating off the glass and instantly warming his skin. So why wasn’t it working for her? Mulling over a risky idea, risky in more ways than one really, he spoke while still facing the window. “Turn the temperature down.” He ordered lowly.  
“I’m sorry?” The Doctor’s incredulous tone met his ears.  
Looking at her briefly, he nodded to confirm what he had said. “Turn the heat down.” He repeated before rushing into the pod.  
“Commander Dameron!” Kalonia shouted in protest. Her voice was blocked out however as the pod door closed behind him.  
There was an immediate drop in temperature from scorching heat to room temperature he noted as he inched towards and around the bed. Joining her side, he put a soft hand to Nat’s pale and clammy cheek. Despite how freezing cold she looked, her skin was somehow still burning hot as she pressed her face further into his hand with a whine. “It’s okay, Tasha.” He murmured, stroking her scar freckled cheek.  
Another shiver wracked through her body as she whined once more and opened her eyes slightly. “Poe?” Her voice was faint and scratchy.  
“Hey!” He cooed, leaning down close to hold her hand in his while smoothing her hair away from her forehead. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”  
“‘M cold.” She shivered, rolling onto her side and curling in on herself.   
Watching her intently, he made the final decision and toed off his boots and gently pushed her over so she no longer lay in the middle of the bed, allowing him to climb in next to her. Slipping under the flimsy covers with her, he pulled her into his chest to hold her close. Instantly she latched onto him, wrapping an arm around his torso and burying her face in his shoulder. “Hey, hey. I got you.” He promised in a hush, wrapping one arm around her waist and letting his other hand thread through her hair soothingly. “It’s okay. I got you.”  
As it turned out, his hunch proved to be correct as she began to stop shivering, her hot body relaxing into his as her breathing turned shallow and raspy. The entire time however, her grip on him did not loosen, and neither did his on her. After a while, Kalonia sneaked into the pod, moving a scanner above Nat’s body as she looked at Poe curiously.   
“How did you know that would work?” She asked quietly, not wanting to wake her patient.  
His cheeks reddening in embarrassment, he looked down to avoid her gaze. “I dunno.” He mumbled. “Basic survival skills, I suppose.”  
“Well, whatever you were thinking clearly worked.” She congratulated him. “It was however a foolish idea.”  
“What I don’t understand is Doc, is that she was burning up when I came in here.” He told her.  
“Impossible, my scans reported her temperature was below average.” She scoffed.  
“Look, I don’t understand it either, I’m just telling you what I saw and felt.” He rebuttaled.  
“Alright, well; we’ll keep an eye on her.” She nodded as she moved to leave. She paused however at the door. “I assume you will be staying right where you are?”  
Looking down to the sleeping woman curled up against his chest, he smiled slightly before nodding. “Yeah.” He said lowly, not bothering to look up.  
“I guessed as much.” Kalonia said in amusement before slipping out of the pod, leaving the two pilots together once more.   
As he watched Nat intently, he glanced down and caught a glimpse of dull silver. Fixing his eyes on the silver he had spotted, he saw strung onto a black cord around her neck was a tiny silver amulet, resting against her collarbone as she lay on her side. Gently picking it up between his fingers from her soft and feverish skin, he studied the amulet as closely as the black cord allowed him to. It appeared to be a sort of horned mask, a spiral resting on its forehead and a drop hanging off its chin. There was evidence that it used to be another color, possibly a dulled gold, but had worn off a majority of the charm except for in the tiny crevasses in the detailing.  
“What do you have here, sweetheart?” He mumbled, letting it drop back to her skin as he knew that right now anyways, he wouldn’t get an answer. So, settling down himself, he let his head fall back onto the pillows and allowed darkness take over him as he too fell asleep.  
*  
“Fives! What’s going on?” Natasha called over the rush of wind as they flew down to the lower levels of Coruscant.   
“There’s been a deception. I’ve been framed!” He called back to her.  
“I gathered as much!” She said.  
“There’s a sinister plot to destroy the Jedi.” This claim however earned no response from the Jedi sitting behind him on the speeder. “There’s an organic chip in all us Clones, placed at conception. At a specific order, someone can control all of us. Who we are would be wiped and orders would take over. Tup’s malfunctioned, that’s why he killed General Tiplar.” Still no response. “You don’t believe me!” He cried out in realization.  
“I do, Fives!” She reassured him. “It’s just…”  
“You knew…” Although he breathed this, she still heard him.  
“You must understand; the future has already been written. I cannot change what is happening, lest risk changing what has already happened. Me simply being here changes things. I haven’t done anything because I can’t!” She explained.  
“Well, I can do something, and I will.” He said with determination as they landed. “I’ve arranged a meeting with General Skywalker and Rex. I’ll tell them everything.”  
“My brother cannot know I was with you.” She said strictly. “I’ll gather some of my men as backup. You can trust your brothers.”  
The 301st. Yes. Yes, he could trust them. “Thank you.”  
“Alright, Fives. I’ll see you soon.” She promised before disappearing.  
*  
“Yes, Doctor? You asked for me?” Leia asked as she walked into the sick bay for the second time that day.  
“Come look at this, General.” The Doctor motioned, leading her to the med pod Nat had been placed in.   
Looking inside, Leia was surprised to see the young General curled up in Poe’s embrace. “Why is Commander Dameron in there?” She asked.  
“Natasha’s body temperature dropped severely and I couldn’t get it back to normal. Dameron thought body heat would be the best solution and as it turns out, he was right.” Kalonia explained. “I can’t explain it.”  
“That might have something to do with her abilities.” Leia suggested.  
“Perhaps. But that isn’t why I asked you here.” Kalonia shook her head. “Look at them.”  
Studying the pair on the cot, Leia noticed how both of her fighter’s faces were contorted in fear, their bodies twitching in their sleep. “Something’s wrong.” She summarized.  
“Poe was tortured at the hands of the First Order; he might not be as okay as he says he is.” Kalonia crossed her arms.   
“And Natasha witnessed mass genocide.” Leia added.  
“So, what do we do?” The Doctor asked.  
*  
“No. No!” Poe shouted as he was dragged onto the enemy ship. Behind him, he could hear the villagers screaming as the Stormtroopers shot at them, murdering all the survivors in the village. He couldn’t help but feel as though it were his fault. It was his fault. So many innocent people were being slaughtered, all for a map.  
A map that would hopefully, bring the galaxy salvation in the end.  
*  
“Poe?”  
Opening his eyes from the haunting nightmare and shifting his hold gently as he looked down, he smiled when he saw Nat looking up at him, a little more clarity in her eyes than when she had briefly woken earlier in the day.   
“Hey, Tasha.” He whispered.   
“Mmmhhhhhhh, what happened?” She hummed, straightening her body out in a stretch.   
When he noticed she made no move to pull away from him, he released a breath he had not realized he had been holding. “You had a fever. R3 couldn't wake you so he came and got me to bring you to the sickbay.” He explained.   
“Thank you.” She said. “What about this?”  
Immediately knowing what she was referring to, he couldn't help the blush that crept up his neck. “Uhhhhhhhhh… at one point you started shivering and the Doc couldn't get you to stop. So I thought maybe body heat would help…”  
“You are very warm.” She admitted.  
“So are you, which made no sense as to why you were shivering.” He shook his head in confusion.  
“You… You don’t mind this, do you?” She suddenly asked, surprising him.  
“Do you?” Was all he could reply with. She spent the last 12 hours’ sick and unaware, only to wake up to being held without her consent. Realizing how terrible this would seem, he started to loosen his grip.  
“Would you be mad if I said no?” She surprised him once more as she asked him this single question in a small voice.  
“No. No, of course not sweetheart.” He promised. “Would you be mad if I said I didn’t mind this either?”  
“No.” She rested her chin on his shoulder, bringing a weak and trembling finger up to skim over the scar on his cheek from being tortured by the First Order.  
“Then don’t worry and just rest.” He whispered, pulling her closer and tightening his arms around her, smiling to himself when he felt her sigh and hug him back as she relaxed and quickly enough, fell back to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
After her fever scare 2 days ago and she had been released from the sickbay, Poe hadn't seen Nat since. So when he received a summon to General Organa’s office, immediately he feared the worse. All fears and concerns however washed away when he saw her wrapped up in a thick, long brown sweater while sitting on the hard floor outside the General’s office, her arms wrapped around her legs that she had brought up to her chest.   
“Tasha!” He called in relief as he jogged to her side.   
Turning her head, her frame seemed to sag in relief. “Hi, Poe.”  
Although she looked better than she had when he had held her in the sickbay, she still did not look any better, he noted as he sat next to her, his hip touching hers. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?” He asked quietly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.   
“Sick.” Her voice was still hoarse, but it had a little more strength than before as she dropped her head onto his shoulder, relaxing into his side.  
Trying not to grin, he rested his cheek against the top of her head, thrilled that Nat didn't mind being this close. “It'll pass.” He promised, squeezing her.   
“It's bronchitis. It'll take time.” She mumbled in annoyance.   
“What's that?” He asked, not recognizing the unfamiliar term.   
“Inflammation of the airways in the lungs.” She told him, turning her head to snuggle her warm face into the crook of his neck.  
Trying not to shiver, he quietly breathed in sharply at the tiny, intimate action. “What does that feel like?” He asked, now noticing how her shoulders rose up and down in quick shallow breaths.   
“Like I have a knife in my chest.” Her whine was muffled.   
“Oh I'm sorry, Tasha.” He frowned. “How long does it last for?”  
“Don't worry about it.” She shrugged slightly before wincing in pain.   
“Of course I'm going to worry about you.” He sighed.   
“Then we're even.” She told him, lifting her head to rest her chin on his shoulder.   
Turning his own head to look at her, it left their noses a couple of centimeters away from each other. “I guess so then.” He agreed.   
“Commander Dameron? Gener- I mean, Mistress Natasha? The General is ready to see you.” C-3PO said, standing in front of them.   
Sighing in annoyance, Nat looked up to the gold droid to flash him a fake sweet smile. “Of course, 3PO.” She promised through her teeth.   
With a final squeeze, Poe stood up before reaching down to pull her to her feet. “Cummon, sickie.” He teased. If looks could kill, he would have been cinders on the floor. “You love me.” He threw at her as she pulled away from him, echoing her words from when he had brought her to bed once. Recognizing the words, and shocked he had said the same words to her. Freezing, all she could do was watch him with wide eyes as he walked past to walk into Leia’s office. Seeing she was behind, Poe gave her a lopsided grin. “You coming?” Holding her head up high as she sniffled, she clutched her sweater closer to her body and walked forwards to join him. “That's my girl.” He chuckled as they walked into the office together.  
There they found Leia standing in front of her desk, watching the two of them as they entered the room. Almost immediately Nat rushed to the older woman, hugging the shorter woman tightly which was instantly returned. “How are you feeling, Natasha?” Leia asked after they pulled away.  
“Inflammation of the airways in the lungs. I feel like I have a knife in my chest.” She shrugged, wincing mid-action.   
Concern shadowing her face, Leia then looked past Nat to Poe. “And how are you, Poe?”  
“Oh, umm… Fine.” Poe shrugged as well.  
“You know for some reason; I don’t believe you.” She smiled sadly.  
“General?” Was all he could choke out. “I'm being hon-”  
“I believe you should take some time off.” She suddenly dropped the bomb.  
Poe’s eyes bulged slightly. “General?” Was all he could stutter again.  
“You heard me right, Poe. Both Dr. Kalonia and I believe it would be in your best interest to leave the planet and relax.” Leia told him. “You too, Natasha.”  
Now it was Nat’s turn to have her eyes widen. “Leia!” She exclaimed, her voice cracking.  
“Don’t Leia me.” Leia said sternly before fixing them with a look of concern. “The both of you are fresh out of a long and hard battle; Natasha, you’re fresh out of genoci-war.” She quickly corrected herself. “Poe, you were tortured. The both of you have gone through a hard fight in a short period of time, and clearly, it’s affecting you. We saw you in the infirmary that day, not to mention day to day. You’re both clearly suffering from nightmares and sleep deprivation; and don’t try to deny it. I suggest taking a week off, go off world and then come back. You two are high ranking officers, both of whom I trust and worry about. I need you to be at your best when we run into the First Order again.”  
Shuffling uneasily, he sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to win this argument. “What do you suggest?”  
“Go home, Poe.” Leia smiled. “I’ve gotten in touch with your father and he’d love to have you back for a while.”  
Home. He hadn’t been back to Yavin 4 since he had joined the Republic’s fleet. Sure, he contacted his father as often as he could, but he hadn’t been home in a long time. But… “What about Nat?” He glanced to the woman beside him.  
“Natasha will accompany you home.” This made Poe relax; however, he did not notice Nat stiffen. “Kes said he would have no problem with her join you.”  
“Alright. When are we scheduled to leave?” He asked eagerly.  
“Tomorrow morning.” Leia smiled at him. “This is you time to relax, take it easy, but recover.” Here she looked to Nat. “Natasha, I want you to help Poe in recovering. Make sure he rests, even teaching him to meditate.”  
“Meditate?” Poe couldn’t help but chuckle. “What are we, Jedi?”  
He missed it, but Leia glanced at Nat, earning a discreet, but barely there shake of the head. “Many people in the galaxy use meditation to help them in various ways. Maybe it could help you.”  
“Sure, I’ll give it a try.” He shrugged.  
Pleased, Leia gave him a smile and a nod. “Go get ready to go home, Poe.”  
“Yes, General.” He began to grin before glancing at Nat and then scampering out of the office.  
As soon as the door hissed shut, Nat sighed as heavily as she could, squeezing her eyes shut as she buried her face in her hands and hunched over at the waist. “This can’t be happening. You can’t be seriously doing this.” She said, her words muffled, however could be heard clearly.  
“Natasha, you need this.” Leia said gently, resting a hand on her shoulder.  
Shrugging it off, Nat sent her a glare that had history had played out differently, Leia would have seen the same narrow eyed glare except from a pair of clear blue eyes. “Oh my god, this is Attack of the Clones all over again.” She straightened up and paced the room in circles. “You do realize this is almost exactly like what happened to your parents, right?”   
At this, Leia’s eyes hardened slightly. “Isn’t it up to you to decide what to do?” She asked. “And getting to the real problem, don’t you think you should tell Poe about-”  
“No!” Despite her voice not being as powerful as usually, her single cry rang out in the small room, her eyes instantly filling with tears. “He can’t know! Not yet…” She whispered brokenly.  
“Natasha, why not?” Leia pulled her into a hug. “Why won’t you tell him?”  
“He’ll hate me.” She whispered back, shaking her head slightly. “He’ll hate me for what I am and what I can do.”  
*  
After a restless night of sleep, morning had come and saw Poe and BB-8 preparing their ship for the long trip ahead of them  
Are you going to be okay with your suitcase under your feet? BB-8 asked as Poe jumped down from the cockpit.  
“Not as though I have anywhere else to put it.” He wiped at his brow, swiping away a few beads of sweat.  
Fair enough. What about Natasha? Are you excited to have just her around for a whole week? BB-8 chirped cheekily, making Poe roll his eyes and turn away to hide the blush that dusted his features.   
“You’re funny.” He muttered.  
I’m right. The round astromech retorted.  
“Alright. Ready to go?” Nat’s voice suddenly rang out on the sunny landing strip, making droid and Pilot turn in her direction.  
“Yeah, you…” Poe said. He trailed off however when he saw Nat walking down the strip towards him. While he was suited up in his orange flight suit, she wore dark red tights and a dark grey leather vest over a long sleeved brown jacket. Her red hair was thrown up in a ponytail and slung over her shoulder while the helmet he had given to her was tucked under her arm.   
Coming to a stop in front of him, she smirked as she studied what must have been a stunned expression. “What?” She asked.  
“What are you wearing?” Was all he could say.  
“Naboo Royal Pilot gear.” She grinned smugly.  
“Oh.” Was all he stuttered, looking over her figure.  
“Well, except for this part of course.” She put the helmet on her head before giving him the same goofy smile she had the day he had gifted it to her.  
“Uhh huh…” He rolled his eyes, chuckling. “Alright, then, Amidala.” He put a hand on top of her helmet. “R3 has the coordinates. I’ll see you at home.” He said.  
“Okay!” She crowed in excitement. Turning away from him, she began to bounce towards the Rover.  
“Wait, Tasha!” He called after her.  
“Yeah?” She looked back.  
“Are you going to be alright flying after being sick and all?” He asked in concern, walking to stand in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders.  
“Don’t worry about me, Pilot.” She laughed, hugging him tightly which he returned. “I think I can handle myself. I’ve been flying for a long time…”  
“Alright, alright!” He pulled away to hold his hands up mock defense before walking away so they could climb into their respective ships.   
What Poe missed however as they parted was Nat mumbling “since before you were born.”  
As the canopy’s of their ships closed, he let out a shaky breath of excitement when he heard over the comm’s the control room saying “You’re clear for take off, Poe.”  
“Alright, Nat, let’s go home.” He said.  
“Woo hoo!” He grinned at her shout of joy as they lifted off the ground and flew away from the base and the planet.  
“Let’s see if any of those modifications did you any good for long distance travel.” He teased over their comms.  
“Only challenge will be staying entertained while flying all the way to Yavin 4.” Nat laughed.  
“I’m sure you’ll manage. Ready to go?”   
“Ready when you are, Black Leader.”  
That made him laugh again. “This is leisure flying, Tasha. Not a battle. You don’t have to call me by my call sign.”  
“I’m putting up with just you for an entire week. I beg to differ what a battle is.” She tossed at him.  
“Okay, miss sassy pants. Right back atcha.” Poe shook his head. “Let’s punch it.”  
With that, they slipped into hyperspace.  
*  
To get from D’Qar to Yavin 4 it took a number of hours, so it was after the first hour of flight where they hadn’t spoken that Poe shifted in his seat and spoke to BB-8. “Hey Buddy, can you make contact with Nat? I want to see how she’s doing.”  
Okay. BB-8 confirmed before there was a beeping and music filled Poe’s helmet that was accompanied by singing.  
“Though the wheat fields and the clothes lines, and the junk yards come between us; and some other woman’s cryin to her mother cuz she turned and I was gone.” At the sound of Nat singing to herself over the comms, he grinned. Somebody was obviously having a good time. “Ooh I still might run in silence, tears of joy might stain my face, and the summer sun might burn me till I’m blind. Oh but not to where I cannot see you, walkin on the backroads, by the rivers flowin gentle on my mind.”  
“I didn’t know you could really sing.” Poe chuckled, realizing R3 must have opened the channel without her knowledge. When she let out a yelp at the sudden sound of his voice, he laughed. “You alright?” He asked.  
“You heard that?” She squeaked.  
“Oh yeah,” He confirmed. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.”  
“Fine! I’m fine!”  
“Tasha, you don’t have to be shy about singing around me.” He chuckled, trying to reassure her. “I think you’re good. Even if you’re a little sick right now.”  
He knew they were still connected as the song she was listening to came to an end and another song began; however, his friend remained silent, thinking carefully before she said what had been on her mind for quite some time. “You know, I only let certain people call me Tasha.” She said quietly.  
Poe was quiet for a moment as well. “Do you want me to stop calling you Tasha?” He asked.  
“No.” Nat replied thoughtfully. “It sounds… natural coming from you.”  
“Okay.” He couldn’t help but smile. “So, are you just singing to yourself to pass the time?”  
“Yes. Got my music playing, singing along. Not like there’s much else I can do right now.” She giggled a bit.  
“I get that.” He laughed as well. “But how did you get your music so loud?”  
“Aside from the work you did, I did some rewiring in the cockpit myself so I could connect my phone to the ship and play music.” She explained.  
“Wow.” He blinked in surprise. “That’s clever.”  
“Thanks.” She said. A comfortable silence fell between them on the open channel before Poe was surprised when Nat spoke again, this time hesitantly. “Actually… another reason why I’m singing is because I have a friend on another channel. It helps him relax.”  
“Oh. Is your friend okay?” He asked in concern.  
“PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” Nat said slowly, as though unsure whether to share this information. “A number of years ago a terrorist-criminal-paramilitary organization on our planet captured him and conducted a number of experiments on him before brainwashing him and turning him into an assassin. Only in the past two years has he escaped years of torture and has been trying to remember who he is.”  
“And you’re trying to help?” Poe’s voice was strangled as he took in the information she had vaguely described.  
“I try.” She said softly.  
Suddenly she burst out into a fit of coughs, making him flinch at the sound of the deep wracking coughs and gasps for air his friend emitted. When she finally calmed down, he listened with bated breath. “You okay?”  
He could hear water sloshing in canteen as she took a swig and exhaled. “Yeah.” She breathed.  
“Tasha?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Can you sing to me too?”  
He could almost hear her smile as she replied. “Yeah. I can try.”  
Shuffling in his seat to slouch a little, Poe made himself as comfortable as could in the cockpit with his suitcase beneath his feet that took up a bit more room. “Take it away, Nat.” He waved his hand.  
Over the comms, she laughed. “Silly Pilot.” She rasped before clearing her voice and music filled the channel once more.  
“Spend my days just searchin, spend my nights in dreams. Stop lookin over my shoulder baby, I stopped wonderin what it means. Drop out, burn out, soldier ho. Oh they said I should have been more. Probably so if I hadn’t of been in that crazy day on Vietnam war. I have seen the rain; I’ve survived the pain. Oh I’ve been home thirty years or so an I’m just steppin off of the plane…”


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12  
There was a cheer of relief from Nat when they finally dropped out of hyperspace and Yavin 4 was directly ahead. Poe himself was smiling madly, happy to be finally home after so long. With the two of them flying next to each other once more, they made their way through the planet’s atmosphere and over the canopy of the large trees as they got closer to where the Dameron house resided.   
“It's incredible…” Nat breathed over the comms as she looked at all the lush trees.   
“Yeah, it is, isn't it?” Poe replied.   
“It reminds me of the region on the planet where I'm from back home.” The small smile she wore could be heard in her voice.  
“What was the region called?”  
“BC.”  
“It only had a designation?” He asked in confusion, not understanding the two letter name.  
“No, it has a name, that's just the shortened version of the name.” She laughed.   
“Oh.” He laughed as well. “What's the full name, then?”  
“Now Poe,” She chided him as finally came upon his childhood home, allowing them to line up their fighters so they could lower them into the clearing. By the small house, Kes Dameron stood waiting. “Where's the fun in that?”   
“You're a terrible tease, Amidala.” Poe shook his head as he shut the systems down and raised the canopy.  
“You love me.” Her voice reminded him cheekily over their comms before he took off his helmet.  
With a smile and a laugh, he stood up on his seat and grabbed his small suitcase before climbing out of the cockpit. As he climbed down however, a shout made him smile even wider.   
“Poe!” Kes called out with joy as he approached the fighter.  
“Dad!” Poe jumped down the last half of the ladder to land on the ground as his father reached him, allowing the two men to grab each other in a tight hug.   
“It's been too long, son.” Kes mumbled into Poe's shoulder as they clutched at each other.   
“Far too long.” Poe agreed.   
They held onto each other for a little longer until they heard a quiet rustling by the nose of the X-Wing they stood beside. Letting go, they turned to see Nat standing respectful distance away, a faint smile on her face. Instantly Kes grabbed her in a hug, lifting the short woman a few inches off the ground, making both her and Poe giggle.   
“I'm glad you're here, Natasha.” He told her, returning her to the ground.   
“I'm happy to be here, sir.” She gave a small salute with a giggle.   
“That's not necessary, kid.” Kes waved her off, taking her wrist and lowering her salute. As he did this, Nat and Poe's eyes locked in amusement, the memory of Poe saluting her and her pulling him out of it coming to their minds. “It’s great to meet you, Poe’s told me a lot about you.”  
At this, Poe ducked his head, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks. As his father continued to talk however, he snuck a glance at his fried. He somewhat regretted it however when she caught his eye and gave him a grin, making him blush even further.   
“Careful now, Dad. Don’t scare her off just yet.” He teased.  
“From what the General’s told me, I think she will be just fine.” Kes replied.  
“I’ve got nine uncles, bring it on.” Nat threw back to the two Dameron men, shocking them.  
“Nine uncles?!” Poe repeated in disbelief.  
“Gotta keep warm in the snowy winter months somehow.” She smiled wickedly at him, making his eyes bulge before he doubled over.  
“The girl has spirit, son.” Kes laughed, patting Poe on the back. “Watch yourself.”  
Spirit.  
She couldn’t hear it, but she could feel it. Terrible pain and suffering coming from somewhere nearby. As the two men spoke to each other, Nat turned away slowly, following the darkness she felt. She couldn’t help it, not really. She had been taught from the age of six to reach out, be aware of her surroundings and of those in it; consciously and unconsciously. So as she crossed the yard and came to a stop before the tree, tears instantly started to build in and stream from her eyes. The tree before her was vastly different from the one she had trained in front of and underneath as a child a number of years ago; however, this tree only came from a remaining fragment from its predecessor. Even still, it stood withered, drooping, and dying, it's aura dark and poisoned. Nat swallowed back down the bile that rose in her throat at the nauseating cry for help the poor organism emitted. Reaching her mind out to softly touch its aura as she had been taught to do, a memory she had nearly forgotten was returned to her, a breathy laugh escaping her upturned lips as childish voices rang in her ear.   
*  
“Ow, stop, Ani. You're pulling on my hair.”  
“Well then sit still!”  
“I am!”  
“What are you two doing?” Their Master's voice rang out in the courtyard, bathing the stone structure in the early morning Coruscant sunlight. The blonde haired boy and the long haired brunette girl halted in their bickering to smile up at him sweetly as he walked towards them.   
“Ani’s helping me with my braid.” The six year old said.   
“Well, perhaps if you kept it in everyday as a Padawan must instead of taking it out, you would not run into this problem so often, my young apprentice.” Obi-Wan smiled at her as he sat down in front of her, a hint of teasing in his voice. Gently waving her brother’s hands away, he continued weaving the small strands together.   
“But I don't wanna.” She pouted.   
“There are many things in life that you encounter that you will not want to do, but we must continue on, no matter how difficult or scary that obstacle may be.”  
*  
Though Nat was lost in memories and pain, she could sense Kes carefully approaching and joining her. “The General told me why you're here… And everything about who you are.” Kes said quietly beside her.  
“And?” She asked, masking her fear of what he would say.  
“I trust you, and I’m glad you’re here.” He promised. “Poe seems happy you’re here with him.”  
A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as she felt Poe’s presence grow closer to them. “Yes, it would seem so.” She said lightly.  
“I think he likes you.” The teasing note was evident in Kes’ voice.  
“Are we really going to do this?” She asked, giving him a knowing look.  
He only gave her a grin in return that left no doubt of the relation between him and his son. “I’m a father, it’s my job.”  
Trying to evade the subject, she looked back up to the tree. “You know, I trained almost all my life under this tree, and to see it like this…”  
“Dad, what happened to the tree?!” Poe asked as he joined them, carrying both his and Nat’s bags with him.  
“As the First Order grew in power, it started to die.” Kes said. “It seems we’ve failed Master Skywalker.”  
“No.” Nat said strongly. “It survived the Empire, it can survive this.”  
Smiling at her conviction, Poe nodded. “I’m sure you’re right.”  
Looking between the two young Resistance fighters knowingly, Kes clapped them both the shoulder. “Cummon, kids. Let’s get you settled.”  
“I think you’re going to love the place, Nat.” Poe said excitedly before following his father, the two astromechs behind him.  
Nat however lingered by the tree, getting closer to the tree. Reaching out with a gentle hand, she stroked the soft bark of the trunk, laughing quietly when she felt the tree perk up slightly. Patting the trunk, she nodded. “We’ll be okay.” She whispered. “We’ll be okay.” With that, she turned and disappeared into thin air before reappearing closer to the house but still out of sight from the Damerons. Smiling slightly to herself, she walked into view and into the house, just in time to see Poe drop happily onto the tan sofa.  
“So? What do you think, Tasha?” He asked happily, gesturing around to his childhood home.  
“It’s wonderful.” She said, looking around. It was a decent size for a small family, the hues of brown ranging from tan to chestnut with splashes of color here and there found throughout the room. A part of the ceiling above was raised to create a large panelled skylight, allowing the Yavin sunlight to stream into the room, adding to the warmth of the room. “You have a wonderful home, Mr. Dameron.” She looked to Kes, who was patting R3’s dome.   
“Call me Kes, Natasha.” He waved her off. “And thank you. I hope you feel at home while you’re here.”  
“You’re very kind.” She smiled, going to take her bag from where Poe had left it next to the couch he lounged on.   
When he saw this however, he leapt up and took the bag from her. “Come on, I’ll show you to your room!” He said, grabbing her hand and dragging her around the furniture before they were out of the room and down the hall. They didn’t go very far however before Poe stopped before a door and typed into the small panel on the side and it opened. Nat noticed in all that time, he put down her bag so he could access the control panel rather than let go of her hand. “Well, this is it!” He announced, leading her into the room. “Easily twice the size of our dorms on D’Qar, but even that’s lucky. Small personal rooms sure beats large shared dorms sometimes.” He chuckled, letting go of her hand as she trailed to a halt in the middle of the room as he continued on to the corner where he placed her bag on the floor.  
“You didn’t have to carry that, you know.” She smiled gently at him, not at all phased by his chatty behavior.  
“It’s okay, you’re the guest.” He shrugged with a wide grin.  
“Hmmm, and you’re supposed to be relaxing.” She shook her head, taking off her gloves before lifting the heavy leather vest over her head and tossing it onto her suitcase, knocking it over with a thud. Reaching down, she took her water canister and small container to take a large pill out and chase it down with a drink before she resumed taking off her flight gear.  
“So are you.” He said, trying to avert his gaze as Nat pulled the separate collar and brown jacket off, leaving her in a black tank top, maroon tights and brown boots. “Besides,” He flopped onto her bed dramatically. “I am relaxing.”  
The bed dipped slightly as she kneeled on the mattress, looking over him. “On my bed?” She asked, an eyebrow quirked up.  
“You mean my bed.” He challenged her.  
“You mean your father's bed.” She tossed back.   
“Ew. Don't say that.” He rolled his eyes, only making her laugh as dropped face first onto the mattress beside him.  
“I’d say I’m sorry, but the reaction was worth it.” Came her muffled reply.  
“Well, that’s rude coming from a superior officer.” He poked her side, making her flinch.  
Lifting her head so that she could fold her arms in front of her and rest her chin there, she studied him intently. “I don’t consider myself superior to you, Poe.” She told him quietly.  
This surprised him. Rolling onto his side brought him slightly closer so they could see each other better. “You are in rank though.” He reminded her.  
Nat simply shrugged as she habitually reached towards her chest to grab the black cord hanging around her neck and tug it slightly. “It never mattered to me.” She mumbled. “I value our friendship more than my rank over you.”  
Watching her intently, his eyes darted down to the item hidden between her fingers as she pulled on it, making him remember when they were in the infirmary. “Hey, Tasha; what is that you have around your neck?” He asked. “I saw it before and was wondering what it is.”  
Glancing up at him, she smiled sadly before sitting up and reaching up behind her head to unclasp it to hand to him. Sitting up, he took the black cord and amulet from her to study, this time much closer than he had been able to the first time. “It’s from an entertainment program back home about these two brothers. The older brother wore an amulet like that and a ring like this,” She held up her right hand to show the plain, layered silver ring on her right hand. “For a long time. My friends would always tell me I was a lot like the older brother, Dean, and since I was in a… dark spot, of self doubt and loathing at the time, that meant a lot to me that they thought I was strong, brave, caring, and maybe a little bold sometimes like he always seemed to be.” She laughed slightly.  
“So that’s where the name you told me when we first met came from.” He said, smiling at her.  
“Yeah.” She confirmed. “I’m better now, but I wear them to remind me that no matter what I face, I can get through it and survive in the end.”  
“I like that.” He told her, passing the amulet back to her.  
“So do I.” She mumbled as she fastened it back around her neck. Sliding off her boots, she let them drop to the floor before lying on her side on the bed, Poe following suit. “Are you happy to be home?” She asked.  
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.” He said, folding an arm under his head as he faced her. “I haven’t been back since joining the New Republic fleet, so to be able to relax a bit where I grew up, it’s nice.”  
“And to see your Dad.” She added.  
“And see my Dad.” He agreed.   
“I’m sorry for imposing.” She said before covering her mouth to let a cough rack through her.  
At this, he frowned. “You’re not imposing, I’m glad you’re here.”  
Once she recovered, she smiled weakly. “I’m glad I’m here too.” She whispered.  
Rolling onto his back, he smiled in satisfaction. A comfortable silence fell over them then as they lay wrapped up in their own thoughts, the sound of their droids talking to Kes in the living room could be dimly heard through the walls. Outside, the familiar and soothing sound of the wind gently rustling through the leaves of the trees could be heard, the occasional bird chirping. He was happy to be home, and even though he would only be here for a week, he was determined to make the most of his time.   
Turning his head to face Nat, he chuckled quietly when he saw her fast asleep next to him, short stray hairs falling into her face. Sitting up carefully so as not to wake her up, he reached over to brush the hair from her face, his hand lingering on her cheek momentarily before he got off the bed and silently left the room. Coming into the living room, he smiled when his father and the droids turned to look at him.  
“Everything okay?” Kes asked.  
Poe nodded. “Nat fell asleep.” He grinned slightly, the image flashing through his mind.  
“Well, we’ll let her sleep for a bit. How do you feel?”  
“Fine.” He shrugged.  
“Then why don’t we sit and talk.” Kes nodded to the opposite couch from where he was sitting. “It’s been a while.”  
“I’d like that.” Poe agreed.  
*  
Putting down the last glass bowl, Poe smiled as he appraised the dining room table filled with food. “Everything looks great, Dad.” He said as Kes brought in the silverware.  
“Thank you, let’s hope your friend enjoys it.” Kes said as he circled the table, finishing each place setting. “Figured I should probably fill you kids with real food before you have to go back to that terrible paste and dehydrated food.”  
Cummon, it’s not that bad.” Poe rolled his eyes. However, when he glanced over and caught the you know I’m right look, he nodded. “Okay, yeah; you’re right. It’s horrible.”  
“All the more reason to eat up now, son.” Kes chuckled. Glancing to the hallway leading to the bedrooms, he straightened up. “Why don’t you go wake up, Natasha? I’ll finish up here.”  
“Yeah, sure.” Poe agreed, patting R3’s dome as he walked by and down the hall. Touching the control panel, he snuck across the room to bend over Nat, roughly shaking her by the shoulder, recalling what she had previously told him about waking her. “Hey, Nat. Wake up.”  
Groaning sleepily, she softly shoved his hands away as she rolled over. “Mmmmhhhreh.” She mumbled incoherently.   
Laughing, he kneeled next to the bed so he was eye level with her. “Wanna repeat that?” He teased.   
Opening her eyes, she squinted at him hard before sitting up, eyes wide. “Oh my god, I am so sorry for falling asleep on you for so long!” She exclaimed, noticing how dark it now was in the room.   
“It's okay, Nat. You're sick, it's not a surprise you fell asleep.” He chuckled, moving to sit next to her on the bed.  
“Man, I'm tellin you, those drugs they gave me for the bronchitis knocks me the hell out.” She grumbled, running a hand through her hair. When Poe didn't reply, she turned her head to see him staring at her in amusement. “What?” She asked.  
“You said you grew up on Coruscant, and although I haven't been there, you certainly don't seem like it.” He explained.   
Straightening up, she held her head high. “What do you mean?”  
“You talk differently than most other people, you hold yourself differently, you're just… different.” He shrugged.   
Biting, her lip, she cast her eyes downwards. “What's wrong with being different?” She said lowly, her voice scratchy.   
“Nothing!” He quickly assured her. “You're just… different. And I like it.”  
“Like me being different or just like me?” She teased.   
“Oh I definitely like you, Nat.” He promised, throwing an arm over her shoulder.   
After a moment of leaning against each other, Nat snorted. “I talk differently, huh? I already knew I did, but sorry for not being freakin Shakespeare.” She muttered.   
At this he looked at her curiously. “Who’s that?” He asked.  
Her head snapping up in surprise, not having expecting him to have heard her, she moved her mouth in a failed attempt to voice words before she thought for a moment. “A famous playwright from my planet.” She explained shortly.  
“Can you give me a quote?” He nudged her playfully.  
Her eyes narrowing once again, she shifted through memories of high school and her mother teasing her with quotes before she landed on one. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate… And all that, you know.” She laughed, shaking her head.  
“I don’t talk like that.” He laughed with her.  
“Well, no! I didn’t mean you specifically.” She exclaimed. “I just mean- I simply mean most other’s in the galaxy speak much more articulately than I normally do.” She corrected herself.  
Now it was his turn to roll his eyes as he took her hand in his and pull her off the bed. “Sure. Alright, Miss High and Mighty, let’s go. It’s dinner time.”  
“Oooh, food.” She hummed happily as he dragged her down the hall and into the main room.   
As the pair entered the room, Kes looked up from the table and smiled slightly when he saw their clasped hands. “How did you sleep, Natasha?” He asked as they sat down on each side of the table, Poe taking the head while Nat sat on his left and Kes on his right.  
“Medication for the infection knocked me out, so fairly well I suppose.” She grinned weakly.  
“How long does the virus stick around?” He asked as he took some of the brown meat from the plate before passing it to his son.  
Taking a small helping from the bowl containing a salad covered in a creamy dressing, she passed it to him and continued the small rotation of food. “Hmm… well, I had just recovered from it before I met Poe, so… about a month?” She guessed. “I was asleep for most of it before.”  
“Wait, you had this thing… four months ago?” Poe asked in shock.  
“Yeah, wasn’t fun either.” Nat scrunched her nose in displeasure. “Started off as a wee cold and then turned into this bug because of extremely cold temperatures.”  
“How did that happen?” Poe leaned forwards, the food on his plate untouched.   
“Went away for a sports competition and we were put in a hotel room with faulty air. The city we were in was in negative temperatures already, and the room had no heat, only cold air pumping through with no way to turn it off. Guess who got the bed next to the air unit.” She picked at her food to avoid looking at him. “I got to compete though before I got really sick though, so it worked out in the end.”  
Seeing the distress on his son’s face, Kes took a drink to clear his throat before looking to the young woman across from him. “You said you had been there for a sport, what was it?”  
She looked up at him in surprise before sitting up a little straighter. “I sword fight.” She said proudly.  
At this, Poe choked on his food. “You do?!” He asked in shock.  
Smiling sadly at him she simply shrugged. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Poe.” She simply said. “I’m not the greatest, but I win a bout once and awhile. I’m off for a while though because of my knee.” Under the table she stretched her leg out. “My family got to see me compete though before I had to take time off.” She smiled slightly, the memory of her family’s cheers, though muffled from the mask she had worn that day, rang in her ears.  
“Close with your family?” Kes asked.   
“Yeah, don’t know where I’d be without them.” She smiled. “My foster family on Coruscant may as well have been family too. In my biological family, I’m the oldest, but I was the youngest in my foster family.” She paused to take a couple bites of food. “You would have liked my brother, Poe. He was one of the best pilots we had; taught me everything from ships, to droids, flying to fighting.”  
“Sounds like he was a great big brother.” Poe said, smiling at how animated she had become.  
“He was. You know, we actually tried to build a ship once, and he decided to call it the Byzantium Angel. On my planet, putting those two words together simply spelt disaster, and I warned him, but he wouldn’t listen. And what ended up happening? We crashed; had to wait for a drop ship to come and get us.” They all laughed before Nat quickly sobered, a melancholy look shadowing her features. “We argued a lot in the end, really…”  
Everything in the room stopped as they watched her closely, wondering what had happened. “What happened in the end?” Kes asked, knowing very well what happened, only asking to see what she would say in front of Poe.   
She thought very carefully before landing on an answer she felt semi comfortable with. “Manipulation and extermination.”  
“I’ve never heard of anything like that.” Poe shook his head.  
“Of course you wouldn’t.” She said bitterly. “It wasn’t exactly something that was talked about for a long time. But, as unfortunate as it was, it happened, and there’s nothing that could be done.”  
“I think L’ulo would have liked your brother by the sounds of him.” Kes said, leaning back in his chair. “At least as a fellow pilot.”   
“Who knows, maybe L’ulo knew him. He’s been flying for a long time.” Poe added.  
“L’ulo? I’m sorry, who’s that?” She looked between them  
“A Duro fighter pilot friend of my Mom’s. After she died, he helped raise me.” He clarified. “He was always sort of an Uncle figure.”  
“Oh...” Was all she replied with faintly, images beginning to flash through her head.  
Noticing her reaction, his brow furrowed in worry. “Something wrong, Tasha? You don’t look so good.”  
'Not so impressive without your lightsaber, are you Jedi?'  
Her eyes looking rather distant, she gave a barely there nod of the head. “Yeah, sorry. I haven’t met many Duros, but the one I did meet, well, him and I didn’t exactly get along…”  
“What happened?” He asked just as quietly. When Nat didn’t answer, Poe knew his question was answered simply by taking a look at her face. The glassy, almost breathless look of terror was one that matched his own when he awoke from nightmares in the middle of the night and caught a glimpse of his reflection in the refresher mirror. “You were tortured.” He realized.  
“He was just one bad seed; I’ve heard wonderful things about Duros.” She slumped in her chair dejectedly. “Sorry if I-”  
“Don’t apologize, hon. It’s something that obviously affects you and you have no control over that.” Kes interrupted, making sure to reassure her. “Healing takes time, and one day, you’ll get there.”  
With that he got up from the table, taking all three now empty plates before walking into the kitchen, leaving Nat and Poe alone. Neither looked up at each other from across the table for quite sometime, listening to Kes rummage around in the kitchen. “He’s right you know.” Poe said quietly. “It takes time.”   
“Are you saying that for my benefit or yours?” She replied just as lowly.  
“Both.” He said looking up at her, noticing how she avoided eye contact by bringing her cup up to take a long gulp.  
“You might want to try taking your own advice, Dameron.” She mumbled into the cup.   
“I’m trying.” He said, dropping his gaze in defeat.  
The deafening silence almost won hold of the room once more before her shaky voice cracked the air. “Genocide.”  
His head snapping up and his eyes wide, he found her looking straight at him with wide eyes of her own, though hers were slightly watery as she held back tears. “What?”  
“Leia almost let it slip yesterday in her office.” She admitted. “She ended up saying war, but she was going to say genocide. I survived genocide.”  
“That’s what you meant by everyone died.” He realized.   
Squeezing her eyes shut, she nodded quickly. “Wiped almost everyone out.”  
“How-” He had to stop to take a breath, realizing the scale of what she had faced and was coming to terms with. “How did you survive?”  
Studying her friend intently, scared of what he would say or think, she shuddered when he reached under the table to hold her hand tightly in support. “I ran.” She admitted.  
His hand around hers tightened. “Are you okay?” He asked gently, his thumb rubbing soothingly along the back of her hand.  
This was the last thing she had expected, but then again, it was Poe. She should have expected better from him. “I-” She swallowed thickly, ignoring the searing pain from the infection in her chest before trying to speak again. “I don’t know.”


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13  
“Dad, do we have any spare pillows?” Poe called to his Dad from the kitchen.  
“Top shelf of the closet with the blankets and towels.” Kes called back from the master bedroom down the hall.  
Taking the glass of water from the counter, Poe wandered into the hall and slid the closet door open to nab a pillow before making his way to Nat’s bedroom door. Taking a deep breath, he squared his shoulders and pillow in hand, knocked on the metal door. When the metal door slid open, Nat eyed the cup and pillow curiously before meeting his gaze. “Yes?” She drew out slowly.  
Holding the glass out to her so that she could take it, he clutched the pillow tightly as he looked down. “If you need a drink in the night.” He offered lamely.  
“And the pillow?” She bit her lip and grinned.  
“I’ve noticed something.” He told her, straightening up.  
“Oh? And what’s that?” She asked playfully.  
“You’re a cuddler.” He grinned.  
“And?” She crossed her arms. “Are you offering yourself up as a cuddle buddy?”  
“Well… you are very warm.” He mumbled in embarrassment before realizing what he had just said and how it sounded.  
Before he could fix his statement however, she quirked a smile. “I’m also sick.” She coughed before taking a sip from the glass of water. “So, of course I’m warm.”  
Unsure of what else to say, he held up the pillow to her. “Pillow?” He offered lamely.  
“I’m covered.” She smiled gently. “Thank you, Poe.”  
“Okay, good night.” Was all he said before turning away.  
“Good night.” Her voice called back before her door slid shut.  
Glancing to his father’s door, he saw Kes leaning against the doorframe, smirking. “What?” Poe asked.  
“You should have offered yourself as a cuddle buddy as she called it.” Kes said. “I’m almost positive she would have said yes, at least if she wasn’t sick. Yet maybe even then…” He muttered.  
Rolling his eyes, Poe turned to his room across the small hall. “Good night, Dad.” He called.  
Behind him, Kes chuckled as the door slid shut. “Good night.”  
In his room, Poe realized he was still holding the pillow he had offered to Nat. Thinking for a moment, he made the decision to keep it with him. Remembering how he had seen her cuddled up to her pillow back on base, he climbed into bed and slipped the pillow under the blankets with him. Situating himself as he pleased, he hugged the worn pillow that smelled of home to his chest, smiling as he drifted off to sleep.  
*  
“Fives is going to need all the help he can get in terms of protection when we get down there.” She yelled as they all hung on to the hand straps above as the drop ship flew deeper into Coruscant’s core.  
“You don’t think General Skywalker is going to hurt him, do you?” Her Clone Major O’Rien asked, his brother’s faces in the same hidden mask of worry.  
“No, Anakin wouldn’t do such a thing.” She promised. “It’s when we bring him back to the surface that I fear what we may find waiting for us-” Instantly Natasha felt cold, dread flooding through her. As she choked on her words, her troop noticed the change in their leader almost immediately.  
“What is it?” O’Rien asked.  
“The Chancellor sent out his commandos with a single order.” She breathed in realization. “They’re going to kill Fives.”  
Hearing that, all the Clones reacted silently, some in anger, some in fright, few in confusion. “How close are we to the level?” O’Rien asked, close to commanding.  
“Can you teleport us?” Jax asked.  
“Yeah.” She nodded, scrambling to get in position.  
All soldiers taking their helmets out from under their arms, O’Rien nodded. “Evermore, we’re going in.” He said over his helmet comm.  
“Roger that, Major.” The pilot said. “Go save our brother.”  
Weapons in hand, the troopers of the 301st linked arms in a circle, leaving O’Rien and Jax on either side of Natasha, a maneuver they were all too familiar with. Placing her hands on their armored shoulders, she instantly teleported them into the dark storage house she had left the 501st ARC trooper. “Keep quiet.” She whispered to them. “We don’t want the others to mistakenly shoot us.” She then nodded to O’Rien, letting him instantly take charge, motioning orders for the team to split up and sneak around the crates towards the echoing voices of General Skywalker and Captain Rex. Lingering behind, Natasha inhaled deeply before cloaking herself in the Force, not allowing her brother to sense her in the building before she ran to catch up with her army comrade.  
“What are we here for, Fives?” Anakin called out to Fives, wherever he was hidden.  
“I need your help.” Fives replied.  
“I know you do. We know you’re not well. It’s been rough for you these past couple of days.” Anakin called back calmly.  
“I’m not crazy!” Fives almost screeched. “Please, please! Just… hear what I have to say!”  
“We’re here to help you, Fives. Just come with us! Let us take you back to the Temple.” When her brother said this, Natasha squeezed her eyes shut in frustration, immediately knowing he had said the wrong thing to the frantic trooper. As soon as this was said, a dim light filled the room as a shield generator activated, apparently trapping Anakin and Rex as the Jedi banged on the energy field. “No!” He screamed in frustration.  
“I just need you to listen to me. Please!” Fives said, his voice a little calmer now than before. Looking around, Natasha spotted several places that allowed her to jump up onto the towering boxes above them, allowing her to get closer to the source of the problem and an overhead view. Force jumping her way up, she quickly followed the light, making herself invisible as she came to the ledge at the centre of what would hopefully not become full conflict.  
“I’m not really sure we have any other choice!” Anakin said angrily.  
“I was framed because I know the truth!” Fives sounded as though he were close to crying, which was strange to hear from a Trooper, but made her heart break for him all the more. “The truth about a plot! A massive deception.”  
“By who?” Rex demanded, stepping around Anakin.  
“Well… there- there’s a sinister plot in the works against the Jedi! I have proof of it, I can prove that everything that I know is true beyond the shadow of a doubt!” Fives said in near panic and aggression.  
Looking around and seeing her men in the dark yards away from Fives on his flank, Natasha flicked her wrist up to her mouth. “Hold at the ready for stun.” She murmured almost silently into her wrist comm.  
Below her, Anakin crossed his arms. “Show me the evidence!”  
“The… evidence… is… in here. It’s in here. It’s in all of us! In every Clone!” Fives rapped a desperate finger against his head.  
“What is it?” Rex said, appearing to start believing his brother. Or at least, she hoped so from where she stood above.  
“Organic chips built into our genetic code.” Fives sighed heavily. “To make us do whatever someone wants. Even kill the Jedi! It’s all in here!”  
Unfortunately, it seemed Anakin wasn’t as believing in such a seemingly impossible plot. “Let’s just get you some help first. Then we can review everything. It’ll be okay, Fives, we’ll sort this out.”  
“Argh! You don’t believe me!” Fives shouted in frustration.  
Flinching slightly, Natasha felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.  
“Fives, we are listening to you. We only want to help.” Rex reached out slightly, as if to touch, as if he could touch, his brother.  
“How do I know you’re not tricking me?” Fives asked. “How do I know it won’t be a trap? The Chancellor would try to kill me. I promise you that!”  
In any other situation, at the mere mention of a trap, she would have made a joke with a certain Calamari she had once served with in mind, but now, Natasha’s breaths were coming in short pants, leaving her feel sick and lightheaded.  
Below, Anakin regarded the hunted Trooper in shock. “The Chancellor?”  
“He’s in on it! I don’t know to what extent, but I know he orchestrated much of this!” Fives whirled around. “He told me in the medical bay!”  
“He told you?” Anakin said. “When you tried to assassinate him?! You have gone too far, Fives. The Chancellor isn’t capable of what you claim.”  
As the members of the 501st argued, that left the 301st too distracted as they focused on the figures ahead of them in the light to notice the Senate troopers behind them in the dark until it was too late.  
“Stand down soldier, stand down! Get on your knees!” The Senate trooper leader said as the red and white armored troopers swarmed the centre, ducking around Fives’ backup. As soon as they moved into the light however, the red, white and black troopers of the 301st appeared behind them, however, fixing their weapons on the Senate troopers rather than on Fives as the senate commandos were. Next to Rex on the other side of the energy field, Natasha dropped from her high perch, materializing as she brandished her glowing aqua blue lightsaber.  
“Natasha!” Anakin cried in shock and anger at the sight of his little sister’s sudden appearance, not having felt her presence in the room.  
“No no no! Stay back!” Fives yelled, looking to see Rex’s blasters to his left.  
“Don’t do it, don’t do it soldier!” The senate commando leader commanded as his team ran forwards, the 301st closing in behind.  
“STAY AWAY FROM ME!” Fives screamed, lunging for the blaster.  
“Fives, NO!” Rex shouted.  
Time moved too fast however, and a single shot rang out in the crowded space, followed by a thudding as Fives dropped to the ground, mortally wounded.  
“Fives! Fives!” Rex called helplessly from behind the field.  
Feet away however, tears welled up in Natasha’s eyes as she watched her fallen friend in terror before she began to scream.  
*  
Lightning flashed in the dark room as a muffled hoarse scream sounded in the house. Instantly Poe was up and wide awake in his bed, panting in surprise. Recovering from the shock, he listened carefully, to be sure the scream he had heard was not one from a nightmare he might not remember. But when he heard it again, in a high but scratchy tone, he leapt out bed and across the room, rushing by BB-8 who whirred to life from his charging station. The door sliding open, Poe was surprised to see his father rush out of his own room, blaster in hand.  
"You hear that too?" Kes asked.  
As if on cue, the scream sounded again, making the Dameron men turn their heads to the door down from Poe's. "Tasha." He mumbled in realization, dashing to the control panel for her room and initiated the override, allowing him to open the door as his friend's hoarse and muffled screams became crystal clear. Running to the bed, he stood on the mattress on his knees as he tried to get a grip on Nat, who thrashed under her blankets sobbing while retaining a death grip on her pillow. "Hey, Natasha, cummon, sweetheart, it's just a dream." He pleaded with her, rattling her as much as he could.  
“NOOOOOOOOOO!” She screamed, tears trailing down her temples and into her sweaty hair. “NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOO!”  
“Cummon, sweetheart! Come back to me!” He begged loudly. Finally, after what seemed like forever, her dark eyes snapped open and lock with his as her entire body froze. “Natasha?” He asked cautiously as they stared at each other. With his voice breaking the silence, she burst into tears once again, instantly flinging her pillow to the foot of the bed and latching onto him when he opened his arms to her. “Hey, hey! It’s okay!” He promised, stroking the back of her head as she tightened her arms around his neck. “It was just a dream. You’re safe now, you're with me. I won’t let anything hurt you.”  
Behind him in the doorway, though Kes’ heart hurt for his son’s friend, he could see Poe had the situation under control. “If you need anything, you know where I’ll be.” He said quietly before stepping around BB-8 who had curiously followed his pilot, and walked back into his bedroom.  
“I’ve got you, Natasha.” He said as she began to quiet down, though still whimpering and hiccupping through her tears. “Everything’s okay.”  
“No- no.” She hiccupped, shaking her head.  
“Yes, it is.” He rebutted, pressing a quick kiss to the side of her head, not even thinking of what he was doing. “Whatever was happening in that dream is over. You’re awake now. You’re with me, I won’t let anything hurt you. Ever.”  
Wrapping her slender fingers into the fabric of his shirt, she burrowed her head into the crook of his neck. “Stay, please.” She begged breathlessly.  
Without letting go of her, he carefully rolled over her legs to lie to her right. Worming his way under the cover, he pulled her close and rested her head on his chest, resting her ear over his heart with the hopes that the thudding would lull her back to sleep. “I’ll be with you, Tasha.” He promised. “Right until you fall asleep.” As she sighed and relaxed against him, he rubbed a soothing hand up and down her back. “I’ll be right here with you.” He whispered.

*

A/N: O'Rien is pronounced just as you would pronounce Orion (Oh-Ryan).

Sorry for not posting in a long time, school has been tough, was in a film for 2 days, (that was fun), and just started a new job. But mostly school was the problem in terms of taking up my time. This story takes a lot of planning and time due to the length of the chapters, and this chapter specifically took a long time simply because I watched a scene from the Clone Wars almost frame for frame to do the dream scene in this chapter to make sure I got each word of dialogue. Hopefully it'll be worth it.

Well, since I last posted, I met one of the puppeteers for BB-8, being Brian Herring who you'd see behind the scenes, pushing BB-8 around while wearing a green suit. He was awesome and I keep in touch with him now through Twitter, which is awesome. Such a nice guy. X3 Also made contact with the gentleman who voices Tarkin the cartoons; another super friendly guy I've kept in contact with. X3

Anyways, I know it's a short chapter, but I'm hoping to post more over the holidays. Thanks to those who are still invested and interested in this story, and I'll try to post again in the coming weeks!

-B


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14  
Rolling over with a lazy smile as he rose to consciousness, Poe smiled at the familiarity of his old bed underneath him and his old worn blankets around him, reassuring him that he truly was home. Sighing, he opened his eyes to the morning light filtering into his room before he frowned, the events of last night resurfacing. After her nightmare, he had stayed with Nat until he was sure she had fallen asleep so he could return to his own room. The question he had now was would she be willing to talk about what had caused her pain last night, or rather act as though nothing had happened? Sitting up, he stretched his arms into the air as he yawned, then stood and walked into the hall and to the door just a few steps from his. Knocking on the metal, he listened carefully before hearing a faint come in. The door sliding open, he wandered in to see Nat curled up in bed, her face peeking out from the blankets.  
Watching carefully, he gave her a weak smile as he met her gaze. “Any more bad dreams?” He asked gently.  
Closing her eyes, a tear slid down to her temple as she shook her head. “Not dreams. Memories.” She whispered.  
Understanding flooded his face as he nodded. “Is there anything I can do?”  
Her face pinched in thought as she considered her options. Finally, she looked up at him once more. “Stay with me? Please? I know I’m supposed to be here helping you, but I can’t do it today, Poe. Not today.”  
At her broken tone, the familiar want and need for human comfort thumped wildly in his chest, which was in fact what Nat was also experiencing in that moment. “Yeah, of course, Tasha. This is your recovery trip too. Do what you need to do.”  
Sniffling, she nodded before sitting up with difficulty an scooting over so that there would be room for him on the other side of the bed so he could sit next to her. “Thank you.” She croaked.  
“Hey, no problem.” He said, walking around the bed to sit on the right side, carefully bringing his arm around her shoulders.  
Though it was originally a side hug, Nat sagged into his side, sniffling as she tried to sit up and breath but ultimately admitted defeat and lean against him, looking up at him apologetic eyes. “Sorry.” She mumbled. “Do you want me to move?”  
This simply made him chuckle. “Like I said last night, you’re a cuddler, aren’t you?”  
Against him, she nodded. “Yeah, I don’t know why. She admitted quietly. “Maybe just some sort of sense of security? I think that’s why I use so many blankets as well.” She kicked weakly at the think multitudes of blankets covering their legs. “I dunno.”  
“Before… before everyone died, did you have any…” He began to ask, trying to be delicate.  
“A significant other?” She said for him. “No, never.”  
“Oh.” His posture slackened slightly. “I was wondering if that was why you sleep curled around a pillow.”  
“No. The unit I was with highly discouraged relationships, lest risk being kicked out.” She replied. “Except under special circumstances. What about you?”  
“Couple of relationships, nothing that lasted, though.” He mused lowly, trying to rack his mind to think of any legion or military group he had heard of that matched the experiences she described. Unfortunately, nothing came to mind.  
“Ah.” Nat too seemed to relax. “You never answered my question, by the way. Do you want me to move?”  
“Would it be weird if I said no?” A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth as he threw his free arm over her waist to playfully pull her closer, echoing his words from the hospital wing on D’Qar.  
Catching onto his playful; behaviour, she smiled. “Would you mind if I said no?” She replied, twisting in his arms so she slightly lay on his chest, her left arm hooked around his torso.  
“Shh, rest.” He pulled her closer, trying to quiet her and hide his blush. “You had a hard night.”  
“Wait.” She tried to wiggle away.  
Instead, he tightened his hold and laughed. “No, you have to rest.”  
“Poe!” She whined. “I need to take my meds!”  
Instantly relinquishing his hold, he got up before she could move and made his way to her luggage. “What am I looking for?”  
“Yellow bottles. Just on top of my clothes.” She mumbled, somewhat deflating in bed.  
Nabbing the colorful containers, he climbed back into the bed and handed them to her before helping her sit up. Watching her take pills from the bottles, his eyes widened as he studied it from where it sat in her open hand whilst she reached for her glass of water. “Those things are almost the size of my fingernail!” He exclaimed. “And those the pills you have to take?”  
Smirking slightly, she tossed them in her mouth and chased it down with water. “Horse pills.” She muttered, tossing the containers across the room and back into her suitcase, then put the glass back on the bedside table and relaxed back onto the bed.  
“Can I ask you something?” He said nervously as he lay on his side to face her once she was comfortable, leaving a respectable amount of distance between them.  
“Sure.” She replied, remaining on her back as she closed her eyes.  
“How do you handle it? You survived genocide and yet you go about your work daily acting as though nothing has happened.” He noted. “How can you do that? I mean, how do you do it?”  
“I’d have to ask the same of you.” She replied, rolling onto her side to face him. “You were tortured both physically and mentally. How do you continue on in life?”  
Locking his gaze with equally dark eyes, he was surprised, in fact almost comforted to in a strange way, to see a familiar strength but hidden helplessness there. “I know what I signed up for, Tasha.” He told her softly. “I know with each mission I fly, I might not get to go home. And if my death means I’ve helped bring the galaxy a step closer back to peace, I’m okay with that.” Shuffling closer, he brought a finger up to gently brush at a small scar above the right side of her left eyebrow. “But you lost everyone you know to genocide. So how do you go on?”  
Reaching up, she caught his hand in hers and brought it down to cradle it close, making him smile. “I-I…” She struggled to talk, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. “I knew it was coming. My friend, the soldier I dreamed about last night, that I remembered, he discovered the genocide plot and tried to make it public. He was murdered however before he could convince anyone else of the truth. I tried to help him, but no one would listen…” Sniffling, she let out a cough, turning away and rolling onto her back so she wouldn’t cough on Poe. “Despite trying to help my friend, no one thought the plot to be true after he died. Mass murder happened a few months later.” Though she had stopped clasping their hands when she rolled over, he reached back to hold her right hand. “Survivor's guilt will always be there, but I always knew that it was where we were destined to go. I always knew nothing could be done or that no one would listen.”  
“I- I am so sorry.” Poe said, unable to manage anything else. What could one say in response to that? He’d never been in such a situation, so how could he relate, how could he understand, how could he even begin to?  
“I swear sometimes I feel like I’m still in the middle of that god-awful war. Sometimes I still am…” She breathed, her eyes sliding shut.  
Sighing, he attempted a weak smile before he spoke. “I know you said what happened to you was years ago, but with something on that large of a scale, it’ll take time for you to heal. But you don’t have to deal with it alone anymore; you’ve got BB-8, Black Squadron, Finn, me… You have people who care about you again, those willing to help carry the weight when you have bad days. We all have those days, that’s the price we pay by fighting, but we’ll help each other get through this. I’ll help you. Just like you’ve been helping me.” He whispered. When he didn’t get a response, he studied her face in confusion. “Tasha?” He asked, met with silence. Realizing she had fallen asleep, he chuckled lowly before squeezing her hand and getting off the bed. With a final glance and smile, he left the room.  
In the hall however, he was surprised to see his father waiting. “How is she?” Kes asked quietly.  
“She knew.” Poe said as he walked into the kitchen, Kes following behind. “She knew her division was going to slaughtered, but no one would listen. So, she couldn’t do anything to save them.”  
“The General told me.” Kes said lowly, leaning against the counter as he watched his son fill up the sink with water to wash the few dishes in the sink. “It was horrific what she went through. But she’s a tough woman. She’ll pull through; the both of you will.”  
Poe didn’t respond, instead slowly scrubbing the dishes as he shifted through his thoughts. “Dad, I knew what I was getting myself into when I joined the Republic fleet. When I realized I wasn’t making a difference there and General Organa extended the invitation to join the Resistance, I accepted without a second thought. In all that time I knew there was a chance I would die. I’ve faced spies, Agent Terex, torture droids…”  
Sighing heavily, Kes looked up at Poe. “It’s easy for one to say at any time they are ready to die for a cause, but sometimes we find that when we are in that moment and faced with the possibility of death, we find that we are not ready.”  
Dropping a drinking glass into the water filled sink, it landed with a muffled thud as Poe turned to look at his father in shock. “Are you saying that I should quit?” He asked in disbelief.  
Chuckling, Kes shook his head. “You sound like your mother there.” He said, making Poe relax and smile slightly. “Shara and I had that conversation often when we were with the Rebellion. But we kept fighting; for you, for everyone.”  
“I’m fighting for everyone too, Dad.” Poe murmured, turning back to the dishes.  
“You come from a line of Beys and Damerons, of course you are.” Kes smiled. “I’m proud of you, son. And I know your Mom is too.” He said before turning to leave the kitchen.  
“Thanks, Dad.” Poe said. A thought struck him however, making him call out. “Hey, could I borrow the speeder for the afternoon?”  
Pausing in the doorway, the corner of Kes’ mouth turned upwards. “You’d have to fix a couple of small things on it, but sure. What did you have in mind?”  
“Show Nat the local sites?” Poe shrugged.  
A knowing smile spread across Kes’ face instantly. “You like her, don’t you?”  
“Daaaaad…” Poe groaned.  
“Oh, come now, Poe!” Kes teased.  
“Dad, she’s a General. My superior. I can’t.” Poe rebutted.  
“So? Look at Solo and the Princess-”  
“General Solo was killed, Dad.” Poe interrupted, making Kes’ face fall.  
“I know. And everyday he knew that was a chance he took, but he kept fighting. We all do.” With that, Kes left the kitchen, leaving Poe standing at the sink at a loss of what to do.  
*  
It was an hour later Kes walked into the main sitting and dining room and was surprised to see Nat curled up on one of the sofas, her hands wrapped around a glass of water. Instantly recognizing the quiet haunted look on her face, he walked over to sit next to her. Looking down at the carpet, he thought carefully before putting an arm around her shoulder and giving her a slight and comforting squeeze. “I’ve been there, kid. War never gets easier.” He told her.  
Allowing her head to fall to the side, she rested it on his shoulder with a sigh. “No, it doesn’t.”  
“This spot certainly has seen its share of mourning fighters.” He told her, motioning to the spot they sat on. “I’d sometimes find Poe’s mom sitting here at night, or she’d find me here early in the morning. Then after Shara died, I started finding Poe curled up here.”  
“He’s a good man, Kes.” She said, pulling away to put her glass on the table in front of them before leaning back into the corner of the couch. “He’s been a wonderful friend ever since I arrived at the Resistance.”  
“Sounds like you needed a friend, and I’m glad Poe was able to help you. Whether he knows your history or not.” He said. “I know back then the Jedi were typically detached from the emotions, but you’re human. It’s okay to have feelings.”  
“Pfft, have you met a Skywalker?” Nat scoffed, though she smiled slightly at the memory of her brother. “Nothing but emotional. Well, the men for the most part. And me.”  
“Poe said a memory popped up last night.” He began.  
“The Chancellor was a wicked man. But no one fully realized it until it was too late.”  
“Remember, I grew up under his rule when he was Emperor. I know how wicked he could be.” He said.  
“Sorry.” She mumbled shrinking in her seat.  
“Don’t apologize for something you had no choice in, hon.” He said.  
Looking him in the eye, she grinned, making him grin as well. “We both know I had a choice.”  
“Shh, let me give fatherly advice.” He laughed, patting her shoulder as he stood up.  
“Thanks, Kes. I appreciate it.” She said sincerely.  
“Amidst your own inner struggle, you’ve come to help my son take care of himself. You need support too, Natasha.” He said.  
Left speechless, she could only smile weakly. “Thank you.” She whispered.  
Giving her a final pat on the back, he walked away and into the kitchen. She wasn’t left alone for very long however as Poe walked through the front glass doors from outside. “Oh, you’re up!” He crowed cheerfully.  
“Of course.” She mused, smiling up at him. “As much as I would like to, I cannot stay in bed all day. I am here for you.”  
“And for yourself.” He reminded her.  
“I suppose so.” She shrugged.  
Regarding her sadly, he walked over to her and took her hands in his to pull her to her feet, the green skirt of her dress swishing around her knees. “How would you feel about an afternoon trip?” He asked.  
Turning her head away to glance down, she bit her lip as she nodded, giving his hands a squeeze. “Alright.” She agreed.  
Smiling widely, he dropped a hand to twirl her around slightly, making her laugh. “Dad! We’re going!”  
“Have fun!” Kes called.  
“Thank you!” Nat managed to reply as she pulled on her boots before being dragged out the door.  
*  
“A market? Really?” She asked, craning her neck to quickly scan over the area.  
“Yeah,” Poe nodded as he parked the speeder. “Thought I’d introduce you to the locals, food, how things are done.”  
“Cool.” Though she smiled, her hands nervously smoothed down her skirt.  
As the engines died down, he hopped out and circled around to offer a hand to her with a grin. “Come on, you’ll love it.” When she took his hand without question and carefully eyed the surrounding forest and clearing ahead as she climbed out, Poe laughed and tucked her arm in the loop of his. “Relax, that’s why we’re here, right?  
“Sorry, force of habit.” She apologized, smiling weakly.  
“No worries, sweetheart.” He said, leading her past the other small ships and speeder and towards the line of trees where the market stood in the next clearing.  
“Sweetheart?” She repeated curiously.  
“Oh, umm… sorry.” He stumbled to speak. “I know we’re not on duty, but that was out of li-”  
“It’s okay.” She promised, squeezing his arm. “You’ve used it before, hell, I’ve said it to you before. No one’s ever really called me that. It’s nice…” She trailed off, letting her head rest momentarily on his shoulder as they walked.  
“You-” He began to say when he was cut off when they cleared the treeline and a voice called out to him.  
“Caraya’s Soul, Poe Dameron!” A woman’s voice shouted, making Nat jump.  
Looking to the source of the voice, Poe smiled widely before grabbing her hand and running towards a stall. “Nar Nar!” He called happily, letting go of Nat’s hand once they reached the stall so he could run around it to hug the old woman on the other side.  
“Oh, Poe! It’s been so long!” The frail woman said happily. “How are you, my dear boy?”  
“I’m well, Nar Nar, I’m well.” He pulled away to hold her hands, giving her a sincere smile. “Was given a bit of vacation time from work and got to come home.”  
“Well it’s about time.” She declared before noticing Nat watching the pair fondly. “And who is this young lady?”  
Walking around the stall, he gently pushed Nat towards the old woman. “Nar Nar, I’d like you to meet General Natasha Amidala. She’s a good friend of mine.”  
“And your boss.” Nat mumbled teasingly.  
“A General! At such a young age? Impressive.” Nar Nar grinned.  
“Well, I’ve seen quite a bit. Thank you.” Nat said.  
“Amidala, you said?” Nar Nar asked. “Like the young Naboo Queen. I remember when she came to Alderaan when she was a senator to discuss the refugees of the Clone War. Wonderful woman, she was.”  
“Yes, she was.” Nat blinked quickly, trying to rid herself of any possible tears.  
“Tasha, this is Jonar. She’s like a grandmother to all the young people here.” Poe introduced her.  
“My husband was from this moon, so once we married I left Alderaan to join him here. After it and my family’s destruction, the people of this world became everything to me.” Nar Nar smiled wistfully.  
“I’m sorry.” Nat said sadly.  
“I’ve lived a long time, dear, and have seen too much. The galaxy simply exists in a perpetual state of turmoil.”  
Nat nodded as she looked down. “Does it ever.”  
Looking to the stall behind them, Poe perked up when he saw the round purple fruit in a basket. “How much, Nar Nar?” He asked, picking one up and tossing it in the air slightly.  
“Take it, one for you and one for your friend.” Nar Nar said kindly.  
Turning to see what they were discussing, Nat’s eyes widened as a smile split her face. “Jogan fruit!” She crowed excitedly at the sight of the purple fruit with white stripes. “I haven’t had this in ages!”  
“Nar Nar grows some of the best fruit around here,” He passed the fruit to her, smiling at how delicately she handled it. “Bit of everything from everywhere. But you have to let us pay for it.”  
Making a face, the old woman waved Poe closer so that she could whisper to him. “Kes told me about what you did for the Resistance. Please, take it dear. It’s the least I can do.”  
Taking a step back, he nodded. “Thanks, Nar Nar.” He said, his voice smaller this time.  
“You two must stop by sometime while you’re here. I’d like to chat some more.” She told them, wagging her finger.  
“We will, Mam. And thank you for the Jogan fruit.” Nat said, taking one from a basket as she and Poe walked around the stand and back out to mingle with the crowd.  
“It was my pleasure, dear. I’ll see you two around soon.” Jonar called after them.  
“Bye!” Poe called as they walked away.  
“I like her.” Nat said. “Reminds me of Jira when I lived on Tatooine.”  
“She’s amazing. Looks after everyone in the community, even if the community is vastly spread.” He replied, biting into his Jogan fruit.  
At the squelching sound, she looked over to see purple juice dribbling down his chin. “You’ve got something, right there.” She laughed, tapping her chin.  
“Maybe I’m saving it for later.” He replied indignantly, though smiling as well.  
“You’re a ridiculous man, Poe Dameron.” She shook her head as she stopped to pull a handkerchief from a pocket hidden in her dress and to wipe at his chin, making him smile wider at the gesture.  
“You love me.” He teased her with her own excuse.  
“God knows why.” She shook her head before they continued past the stalls.  
They stopped often, looking at the various wares stalls were stocked with, whether it was food, fabric, weapons, or tools. People often stopped them as well when they recognized Poe, exchanging pleasantries and remembering times from seemingly long ago. It was when Poe was looking over a small weapons stall and speaking with the owner Nat slipped away, hearing a familiar noise in the trees. Stepping into the forest, she was happy to see a small stream flowing through the woods, passing market and leaving it untouched. Wandering over to it, she kneeled on the ground to look into the crystal-clear water, searching for any small life forms. Finding none, she dipped her hands into the water and started to play with it, giggling to herself and she made sure not to soak the edges of her sleeves. Sensing unfamiliar movement behind her however, she brought her actions to a still and looked behind her. Blocking her path back to the market stood a man that she could only describe as brutish and unpleasant. He stood much taller than she did, and had thick muscles that rippled as he moved. As he slowly stalked towards her, the light filtering through the trees made his bald head gleam sinisterly, leaving her heart begin to thump wildly in her chest. Rising to her feet, she mentally reached out, giving a subtle, gentle tug to her single chance of escape.  
“Hey pretty lady.” The man smirked, his voice deep and guttural.  
“Good afternoon, sir.” She said politely, making slow evasive steps along the stream.  
“I don’t recall ever seeing you around.” He said.  
“I haven’t been to Yavin 4 in a long time, thought it nice to return.” She replied slowly, beginning to circle away from him.  
“Things have changed, why don’t I show you around. You look like the type who needs company.” He took a step towards her, making her hand flinch towards her thigh as she took a step back.  
“Thank you, but I’m not interested.” As she took the step back however, she backed into someone warm, someone who put their hands on her waist. Recognizing who it was however, she relaxed; though, still prepared for a fight.  
“Hello, Ganactu.” Poe greeted the larger man sourly, obviously knowing who this was.  
“Dameron.” Ganactu greeted him in the same tone. “Who's the pretty lady?”  
“A friend.” The pilot said as he took a step closer to Nat so that she was pressed against his chest, whose right hand still rested slightly open on the right side of her thigh.  
“Just a friend? Then you won't mind me trying to get to know the lady.” He replied smugly.  
“The lady has a name, and as I said before, I'm not interested.” Nat replied coolly.  
“And what? You're interested in the kid who will never live up to his parent’s weak legacy?”  
As Nat took a step forwards, Poe matched her movements however with two steps instead, allowing him to stand behind her and wrap an arm around the back of her waist, taking her left hand in his own as he tried to pull her back. She would not budge however. “The only thing that is weak here, sir, is your attempt to verbally assault two war veterans, and their gifted pilot and soldier of a son.” Though he glared at his childhood bully, inside Poe couldn't help the pride that glowed inside him at Nat's level response, her General and political tone lacing her every word. “Good day.”  
With that she finally let her companion pull her away, the two of them quickly making their way through the treeline an back to the market. “Did he hurt you, touch you at all?” He murmured in concern, pulling her closer as they hurried along.  
“I'm a grown woman, Poe, I can handle myself.” Nat grumbled, however she let her head fall onto his shoulder slightly as they hurried along, twisting her hand so that she could entwine their fingers.  
“I know you can handle yourself.” He promised. “I've sparred with you, remember?”  
This made her roll her eyes and grinned. “Of course I do.” She agreed. “I kicked your ass.”  
Unable to smile, he glanced back the way they had come to see Ganactu standing at the forest's edge, his eyes fixed hungrily on the red head. Shivering, Poe tightened his hold on his friend. “I think that’s enough of the market today.” He muttered, hurrying them back towards the speeder.  
Sensing his fear and the man’s cruel intentions behind them, she shivered and nodded in agreement. “Fair enough.”  
*  
A/N: I'm back. Miss me? :P 

After some consideration and help from one of my best friends (who's work you should check out, theebombdiggity, on archive of our own) I have decided to change the direction of this story. I haven't gone back and changed anything in previous chapters, this story will simply proceed differently from the way I had originally written it, meaning I've been working on rewrites, taking things away, and adding new things. Ultimately it will still end up where I want it to go, I simply changed the pacing (partially because I'm impatient :P)

Hope everyone is well, and I hope to have more posted soon. Thanks for sticking around, and to those who are new, hope you enjoy!

-B


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The planet around them had begun to turn dark by the time they got back to the Dameron homestead. In the beginning, Nat had tried to keep her distance in her seat as they cruised back, but Poe eventually took her hand gently in his, breaking her resolve as she turned her hand upwards to hold his in return as she shuffled over to lean against him. Back at the homestead, he parked the speeder in the large shed next to his Mom's covered A-Wing before looking at Nat through the dim light to see her asleep against his side, making him chuckle.

"Tasha, I can carry you into the house if you want, but I need you to get out of the speeder first." He said gently, shaking her knee.

Snorting slightly as she rose to consciousness, her brow pinched. "I can walk." She mumbled.

Laughing he smoothed down the fly away hairs that had come loose from her ponytail before he got out to walk around the vehicle and hold a hand out to her. Sighing, she took his hand and stood on the seat. She was getting ready to climb out when he took her other hand and put both on his shoulders. When Nat gave him a curious look with a hint of smile, Poe simply gave her a grin as he carefully moved his hands to her hips, giving a slight squeeze before she jumped down, her skirt fluttering around her. As soon as her boots hit the ground, she slid her arms around his shoulders to pull him into a hug. At the same time, he wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her flush against him. "You alright?" He asked.

"Thank you, for everything." She said over his shoulder, tightening her hold.

"My pleasure." He told her, returning the gesture as he felt her shallow breaths against his chest. Pulling away, he grabbed her hand once more, led her out of the shed, across the yard and into the house. "Hey, Dad." He said as they walked through the door into the main room.

"Hey, I thought you two would have been out late." Kes greeted from the sofa, dropping his data pad to his lap.

"Things changed." Poe said passively as he brought Nat pass the sofa's and towards the hall.

"Poe…" His dad called warningly.

Stopping at the edge of the room and making sure a sleepy Nat stayed on her feet, Poe sighed in frustration. "We ran into Ganactu." He admitted.

At this Kes's expression dropped. "Is everything okay?" He asked in concern.

"Bu sleemo ne kung." Nat grumbled.

"He tried to get friendly." Poe explained.

"Are you-" Kes began to ask before being waved off by Nat.

"I'm fine, Kes." She reassured him. "Disgusted, but fine."

"Also tired." Poe smiled slightly. "Let's get you to bed."

"You know, I think the universe likes having you bring me to bed." Nat's voice floated down the small hall as Poe dragged her to her room.

"Hmm, maybe it's the Force." He teased.

"The Force works in mysterious ways." Was the last thing heard before her room door hissed open and shut.

In the sitting room, Kes shook his head and gave a knowing look to the two young Resistance fighters' droids that sat next to his spot on the sofa. As soon as the droids were looked at, they beeped a stream of similar noises. Looking down at his data pad, Kes chuckled at the translations on the screen.

R3-D3: She likes him.

BB-8: He likes her.

"If they don't end up together by the end of this week, they'll end up together shortly after going back." Kes said to them, R3 and BB-8 chirping in agreement. "And if they do, let me know."  
*

The quiet knocking on the door in the morning didn't wake Poe up, however it did wake BB-8. Giving off a few inquisitive chirps while watching his pilot, the small droid concluded that he was the one to open the door. Rolling off his charging port, BB-8 made his way to the door and tapped it a few times, the interior sensor detecting his motion and allowing the door to open. Tilting his dome upwards, he quivered excitedly as he processed the visual of Nat standing in front of him.

Good morning! He chirped.

"Good morning, BB-8." She replied, her voice hushed. Stooping down, she stroked the top of his dome. "How was your night?"

I have no reason to complain. He told her. How about you?

"Out like a light." She smiled gently. "May I come in?"

If you plan on waking Poe up, good luck. He replied. But yes, you can come in. He relented, rolling aside to let her into the bedroom.

"Thank you." She said, standing up. Quietly creeping across the carpet, she sat on the edge of bed by Poe's waist as she studied his sleeping face. Most of the time, when Poe was awake, he was animated and cheerful; a cheeriness she always found infectious, even when what felt like the weight of the galaxy was on her shoulders. Sleeping however, there were no lines on his face, his expression smooth and relaxed so that she regretted having to wake and take that peace from him. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth though when she saw the pillow he had offered to her their first night here wrapped up in one of his arms. "Poe? Poe, it's time to wake up." She said gently, shaking his shoulder.

"No…" He groaned as he began to wake up, rolling over so his stomach was pressed into her hip.

"Cummon, Poe." She encouraged him, trying to repress a giggle as she brushed her hand over his bed head, bringing his curls out in full force rather than combed down as they normally would be. "It's time to get up." Humming, he lifted his head slightly to push it into her hand, making her smile more as she applied more pressure to the strokes on his hair. "Good morning." She said.

"Good morning indeed." He agreed groggily, cracking his eyes open to give her a cheeky grin.

"How was your night?" She asked.

"Surprisingly okay." He replied. "How about you?"

"Okay." She shrugged slightly, pulling her hand away.

Emitting a discontented snort, he lifted his head. "Awww, that felt nice." He complained.

Laughing, she pushed his stomach gently, rocking him slightly. "I didn't know you could be so affectionate, Dameron." She said quietly.

"It's a nice from time to time during this war." He replied.

"Well, I wouldn't know about anything like that." She rolled her eyes, though she had a playful exterior, her heart thudded heavily as she thought back.

"Can't imagine why." He muttered.

"There were reasons." She said bitterly.

"Anything stopping you now?" He asked.

To love, is to trust. To trust is to believe.

And yet…

"Attachment leads to jealousy, the shadow of greed that is."

"I don't even know anymore." She sighed, standing up before doing or saying something she may come to immediately regret. "I want you to start meditation today. Meet me outside in ten minutes."

Despite trying to leave quickly, Poe somehow managed to move quicker than her as he tossed his blankets off and clambered out of bed to chase after her the short distance away to yank her into a hug. "What's wrong with affection?" He murmured, hugging her tightly so that her arms were pinned to her side.

"Affection leads to attachment, attachment leads to jealousy, jealousy is the shadow of greed." She replied almost robotically as she pulled away with ease, clearly quoting some sort of lesson that had been drilled into her.

"Why in the galaxy would anyone teach that? What good is that to anyone?" He asked in shock and disgust at the realization that it must have been something she learned from her old unit.

"To divide attention is to invite disaster." Was all she said as she left the room.

"But you can't just ignore your emotions." He whispered sadly, staring at the carpet.  
*

His clothes changed and ready to start the day, the warm air caressed his tan skin as he walked out of the house and into the yard. Breathing in deeply, the smell of damp dirt reached his senses, morning dew clinging to his boots as he walked through the grass to sit under the Force tree. Looking up the trunk, he was surprised to see how different the tree appeared today, almost subtly healthier than it when they had arrived on the planet two days ago. His father had said the tree had begun to die as the First Order had risen in power; and yet here it was, seemingly nursing itself back to health.

"Ready?"

Turning his head back towards the house, he gave Nat a small smile as she drew closer. "Yeah. I guess so." He agreed before taking in her appearance. "Huh. Never would have thought you had anything relaxing in your wardrobe except for your sleep clothes." He teased, testing the waters to see if they had returned to normal after their short exchange earlier.

Looking down at the navy under tunic she wore on its own with a belt over top, loose fitting brown pants, and dark brown knee high boots, she looked at him questioningly. "Everything I wear is comfortable." She said. "Well, almost everything."

"It's, uhhh…" Poe's hands flapped, trying to find the right words yet failing.

"Relax." She took his hands in hers to calm him as she sat across from him, resting their connected hands on the grass between them, their knees touching. "Leia wanted me to teach you to meditate, so we're going to start there, getting you to relax. So relax." She instructed, allowing her eyes to slide shut. Watching her closely, he allowed himself to follow suit, closing his eyes and trying to relax his frame. "Now, what do you feel?"

"Uhhh… the sun, the ground, you-" He listed before being cut off.

"Not physically." He could almost hear her gentle smile in her voice. "What do you feel emotionally?"

"Well," He chuckled. "How honest do we want to get?"

"Poe…" She said warningly.

"Alright alright." He relented. "I dunno, I'm happy to be home, happy you're here with me."

"What else?"

"Still kinda tired." He thought carefully.

"Anything else?" She urged gently. "Relax. Just let go."

Let go… No. He couldn't let go. Suddenly things took a turn for the worst in his head. He couldn't let his mental defenses down again, he had to strengthen them, especially after what that monster did to him. But no, he was fine, he was home, Tasha was here with him, nothing bad would happen to him. "I don't…" He said, unable to finish the sentence. What happened to him, no one else could know. This was his burden and his burden alone. It was in his report, nobody else needed to know. He didn't want to talk about it unless Kylo Ren was rotting in a cell just as that beast had done to him.

"Poe. Poe, it's alright! You're right here with me." Nat's voice echoed soothingly in his ears, trying to reach him.

"I can't…" He was dimly aware he was beginning to gasp for breath.

"Yes, you can." She cooed, gently tightening her hold on his hands. At her tightened hold, a cool wave washed through him, calming his nerves and gently softening out the tension.

"Tasha, I can't do this." He exhaled shakily.

He was met with silence, only the moving of his hands so that his fingers entwined with hers. "Open your eyes, Poe." She told him.

Slowly opening them as she told him, he blinked a couple of times to allow his vision to readjust to the early morning sunlight. Focusing on Nat in front of him, he was surprisingly comforted to see, not a look of pity on her face, rather one of sympathetic understanding and knowing. "I'm sorry. I just can't." He shook his head.

"Hey." She called to him gently, letting go of his hands to cradle his face. At her gentle touch, his eyes slid shut once more. "Whatever it is that's troubling you, I'm here to listen. Keep it to yourself if you feel that is what you must do, but you can't do that forever." Her thumb stroked his cheek in time with the rhythm of her words. "Whenever you're ready to talk, I'll listen. I'm here." She whispered.

Opening his eyes, he was surprised to see her sitting on her knees as she leaned forwards, leaving her closer than before. "Tasha?"

Tilting her head to the side, she smiled slightly. "Yeah?"

The urge was suddenly there, to close the gap between them and kiss her right then and there, it would be easy and it was tempting enough. In the last couple of weeks, that impulse had been there, though this time it crowed louder than it ever had before, craving comfort and affection to take away any pain associated with his tortured memories. Instead however, he leaned forwards to wrap his arms around her waist and pulled her into his lap, hugging her tightly. Although she sat twisted to the side in his lap, she wrapped her arms around his neck to hug him back. "Thank you." He mumbled, pressing his cheek to the crown of her head. As he tightened his arms, that previous calm washed over him once again.

"You're welcome." She said into his shoulder.

"Hey Tasha, do you think you could do me a favor?" He asked in a small voice, smiling slightly when he felt her melt slightly at being called Tasha.

"Yeah?"

"You mind if I just hug you for a while?" He bit back a grin.

"If you think it'll help." She laughed.

Leaning back so his back leaned against the tree, he cradled her closer. "Yes. Yes, it will help." He murmured.  
*  
A/N: please, please, please leave me with your thoughts. My motivation is struggling and while I do have much of this story written, I feel as though it's not worth typing up and posting. Reviews let me know people care to some degree about this story and keeps me going. But radio silence leaves me feeling discouraged and like I'm doing nothing. So, if there's something you like, something you'd like to see more of, less of, or a general comment, please. I am more than willing to listen.

Hope everyone is well, and I hope to see you around next time.

-B


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Natasha!"

Slowing to a stop in the temple hall, she turned to one of the large windows across from her to watch the rain pour on the planet outside as she waited for the man who had called to her to join her at her side. "Yes, brother?" She murmured, feeling his anger, hurt and betrayal rolling off him in waves.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked, his voice strangled as he attempted to suppress his emotions.

Walking to the side of the hall to stand before the window, she put her hands on the sill and smiled slightly at the slight chill that reached out to her from the glass. "Remember our first meditation lesson with Master Fisto and it started to rain?"

"That's the day you became friends with Ferus Olin." Anakin grumbled from where he stood at her shoulder.

"Oh, the scream you had let out." She laughed. "Never saw rain before."

"Natasha, why were you at the warehouse last night?" He asked, knowing she was stalling.

"Senate Commandos were sent in with the order to kill, we were sent to bring in Fives in alive." She turned to him, speaking as though the fact were obvious.

"Who sent you?" He crossed his arms, looking down at her.

"Obi-Wan." She supplied. "I heard the kill order given while in the senate building. I knew I could trust Obi-Wan so I conferred with him."

"And he sent you in." It was clear he didn't believe her.

"Well, he said he wouldn't stop me." She amended.

"Oh really." Anakin said incredulously.

"Yeah." Natasha said stubbornly, crossing her arms as well.

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore, it's all over now." He declared. "So we don't have to worry about it ever again."

Her brow furrowed in confusion as she shook her head. "It's not over yet. And we just lost a close friend, how can you even say that?"

"It's over, Natasha." He grabbed her tightly by the arms and shook her slightly. "The Chancellor closed the case, there's nothing more. So don't push it any further. You might get in trouble if you do."

"Let go of me." She gritted out.

Relinquishing his hold, he backed away. "It's. Over." He repeated before walking away.

*

"Natasha?"

Opening her eyes, she focused on Poe hovering above her. When he saw she was awake, he took his hand off her shoulder. "You okay?" He asked. "Sound's like you were dreaming."

"More like remembering." She mumbled.

"Remembering what?" The corner of his mouth pulling upwards.

"My fire-brand of a brother." She groaned. "Help me up?"

Helping her to her feet in one fluid motion, he looked up to the sky, the sun and the Yavin gas giant disappearing behind dark threatening clouds. "We should get inside. It's-"

"About to rain." She finished, looking up briefly before smiling slightly at him. "No matter where I go, no matter what planet I'm on, the air is always the same before it begins to rain."

Smiling slightly himself, he nodded in agreement before turning away. "Let's get inside. We can figure out what to do for the rest of the day there." He said, leading her to the house. Once he took a few steps inside, he could hear the rain begin to shower on the planet, the falling drops pattering gently against the roof above his head. "Huh, look at that, we got inside just in…" He said, turning to Nat before he trailed off. "Time…" Though he stood inside the house, his friend was still outside. Her arms outstretched at her side, she had her face tilted up to the sky with a peaceful smile on her lips as the cool rain soaked her skin. Unable to help a smile of his own the longer he watched her, he walked forwards to lean against the doorframe. "Well, I got inside just in time." He corrected his statement.

"Don't act so surprised." She replied softly. "It's lovely."

"It's wet." He teased.

"It's cleansing." She rebutted.

"You're gonna get cold." He said, all trace of joking around vanishing as he remembered she was sick. "You're already sick as it is, Tasha." He extended a hand outside to her.

Lowering her head, she opened her eyes to study him and offer a cheek grin. "Guess you'll just have to warm me up then, pilot." She said, clasping his hand in hers briefly before walking past him and into the house. "I'm going to go change and then we can do whatever you want after."

Turning to dumbly to watch her as she wandered through the main room and disappeared around the corner, he swallowed thickly, still stunned by her response. Spying R3 and BB-8 sitting next to the dining table watching him, he shrugged. "How am I supposed to respond to that?" He asked incredulously.

Ravish her. R3 stated simply, earning sputtering from both Poe and BB-8.

I was going to say flirt back, throw her off balance! BB-8 squealed.

"Yeah Buddy, that's… that's…" Poe shook his head, trying to push away the images forming in his mind and suppressing the growing feeling in his chest. Covering his eyes he relaxed, allowing darkness to take over. "That woman." He muttered before accidentally falling asleep.

*

A crack of thunder above soon jolted Poe awake, flying to sit up as he took a moment to regain his bearings. Once remembering he was home, his brow wrinkled in confusion when he heard music coming from the kitchen. Getting up, he wandered across the room to lean against the kitchen doorframe. In the kitchen, Nat danced about to music coming from the strange device from her home planet with her eyes closed, her heavy grey skirt swaying around her. Crossing his arms, he smiled as he watched, noting the concentration in her movements. When she did a little twirl, he laughed.

"What in the world are you doing?" He asked.

Tripping slightly, she regained her balance and turned to him, brushing a strand of hair that had come away from her bun out of her face before folding her hands behind her back. "Umm… nothing." She offered weakly.

"No, you were definitely doing something." He laughed, straightening up. Walking over to her, he reached around to take a hand in his to spin her gently. This made her laugh before he pulled her close, putting a hand on her waist as he began to sway them side to side, smiling slightly as she rested her free hand on his shoulder. "So, what were you doing?"

"Dancing." She grinned.

"Never seen that kind of dance before." He said after thinking.

"Well, there's a lot of planets out there, Pilot." She replied lowly, tilting her head to the side.

"True." He conceded. "So what is the dance you're doing?"

"Waltzing; learned it years ago, although you need a partner do it properly though." Her eyes glazed over as she thought back to those sometimes dreadful lessons, but the times she was required to waltz for performances were fun memories.

She was pulled back to this reality however when Poe's hand slid across the small of her back to rest on her other hip. With his arm around her waist, he eased her towards him, their chests pressed together. "Well, you got one now." He murmured.

Turning her head away in an attempt to hide her shy smile, she reached around to place his hand back to its original position as she stepped back. "As nice as this is, we need to have space." She explained.

Poe frowned upon the loss of closeness. "I'm not sure I like this dance." He complained.

Throwing her head back, she let out a laugh. "You will." She promised.

Grinning at her playful behaviour, he too smiled. "In that case, lead the way!"

Seeing R3 with her music player in his hold, she shook her head, knowing what the cheeky droid was up to. "Technically it's the man who's supposed to lead, which I'll have you do anyway." She explained. "I'll just be pulling you along a bit."

"What, don't think I'll be able to keep up?" He teased.

"Maybe." She grinned. "R3, music please?"

Immediately a sweet melody flowed through the air, words shortly following it, setting the stage for the images in Poe's mind once more.

Meet me at midnight

When the kingdoms asleep

And the guards of the Palace

Have long been at ease

Once out the window

Follow my steps

Till us and our shadows

Are all that is left

And we'll lift off our armour

And let the moonlight steal in

Lay me down, lay me down

Where the nightingales sing

"Poe?"

Meeting Nat's gaze in surprise, he blinked. "Sorry?" He said.

Shaking her head, she tugged on his hand and shoulder. "I said I want to start with the box step."

"Okay." He nodded, looking down at their feet.

"I'm going to step back with my right foot, and I want you to follow with your left. Then follow forwards with your right as I step back and over with my right. Don't be afraid to allow a little fluidity, we're dancing, not march-" She instructed, however she was cut off as he urged her forwards, following her instructions exactly as she had laid them out.

"Now what?" He asked, smiling at her shocked look.

"Uhh… She stuttered. "Finish the box?" She offered sheepishly.

And finish the box they did. They then danced the box step again, and again, and again, getting it down to a fluid motion. Next she showed him a travelling step that had them dancing across the kitchen, keeping them pressed together as they danced away and giggled, the same sweet song on repeat. Eventually however they slowed down to their original position where they were swaying side to side, wrapped up in their own little bubble. Against her shoulder, she felt Poe's jaw work slightly before he finally spoke.

"Got any other steps you remember to show me?" He murmured.

"There's another travelling step that involves us spinning, but I don't really remember how to do that one. Sorry." She shrugged slightly.

"So, nothing else?" He asked, pulling back to stare at her intently, feeling a twinge of disappointment.

Feeling that twinge, she bit her lip in thought. "Well… there's one thing."

"What's that?" He asked, holding her closer slightly.

"You give me a little twirl." She said, giggling when he let go of her waist and held his hand holding hers up, guiding her in a circle. "Then a dip. Lean me back. But don't drop me!" She squealed the last part as he pulled her back close and quickly leaned her back as he leaned himself forwards.

Chuckling as she quickly ripped her hands from his shoulder and his own hand to wrap around the back of his neck, he looked her square in the eye as he smiled softly. "I'll never drop you." He promised, holding her low.

"Uhh…" Was all she managed. "Can you let me back up?"

Straightening back up, he relished for a moment in how close they were once again, and the feeling of her thumbs absentmindedly toying with the curls brushing the back of his neck. Sighing, he closed his eyes and tilted his head back and into her fingers slightly. "I'm not exactly ready to stop dancing just yet, to be honest." He breathed, swaying them gently once again. "I like this."

"That's fine." She agreed in a whisper.

He wasn't sure who moved first, but suddenly her arms were around his neck and his around her waist, her cheek pressed into his shoulder while his he buried his face in the crook of her neck, leaving no space between them. Unable to help himself, his nose nuzzled against her neck slightly, taking in the warmth of her skin and the sweet smell of her perfume. "Tasha?" He murmured, earning a hum. "You said your dream was a memory of your brother. What happened in it?"

"It's over, Natasha. The Chancellor closed the case, there's nothing more. So don't push it any further. You might get in trouble if you do."

"Let go of me."

"It's. Over."

Slumping against him a fraction, Nat sighed, reaching up to comb at his hair. "I was somewhere I shouldn't have been, poking at something he thought I shouldn't have." She said. "Even after the case was declared closed, I'd still investigate. It angered Ani."

"Your friend." Poe realised. "Ani was mad that you were looking into your friend's murder?"

"Yeah." She nodded against him.

"Karaya's soul." He breathed, struggling to understand how she could discuss and remember it so calmly.

"What?" She pulled away a fraction to look at him.

"What?" He replied in confusion, their faces inches apart.

"You seem shocked, you cursed. What about it?" She clarified.

"I don't understand why he was mad about you trying to help your friend." He shook his head. "This friend, was he a friend of your brother's as well?"

"Fives was a man under my brother's command. He was a good man." She lamented.

"I don't mean to disrespect your brother's memory, but I don't quite understand his way of thinking." He apologized.

"It's all complicated." She frowned.

"I'm beginning to notice you are." He noted.

It was her turn to shake her head. "My story, or my involvement in the story is complicated."

"That just seems to be life, sweetheart." He said, cradling the back of her head to press it back into his shoulder once more, still swaying in time to the music as they did what the singer sang of.

Stay with me Sway with me

Love's Serenade

As long as we stand

And the band wants to play

When the last waltz is over

And the next one begins

Lay me down, lay me down

Where the nightingale sings.

*

Poe had gone to bed listening to that same song on repeat later that night, and Nat could hear it through the walls next door. Not that she had minded, in fact it had ended up lulling her to sleep. She bolted up however early in the morning, far too early for anyone to start the day as she sensed something was wrong. Listening very carefully, she could hear the padding of feet as the person walked through the hall and out to the main room of the house before they left through the front door. Quickly throwing on her loose pants, her leather jacket, and boots, she silently rushed out of the house after the person. Looking around, she saw Poe slipping into the large shed across the yard. Slowly crossing the grass to follow him, she mentally reached out and felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. Frowning, she pushed the shed door open slightly to slip inside. There, Poe stood facing an old Rebel A-Wing, his back to her. Wordlessly joining his side, she entwined her fingers with his and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I still miss her." He mumbled.

"She was your mother, of course you still miss her. You always will." She replied gently, squeezing his hand.

"Every time I fly I wish she was there. Every new ship I fly I think she would have loved to have flown it, learn every single detail she could about it." He smiled slightly.

"You certainly took after her, didn't you?" Her question made him laugh. A tear however, still slid down his cheek.

"Mom got this ship as a part of her severance package when she left the Rebellion. I remember the first time she took me up there. I was sitting on her lap and she had my hands on the controls, with hers on top. Then after we broke the atmosphere, the gas giant was right above our heads..." He recalled softly. "That's the farthest back I can remember anything…"

"It's a beautiful first memory, Poe." Nat lifted her head to look at him.

Tilting his head down, he chose to focus on their joined hands. "Mom and Dad were always touching in some way when she was still here. I guess a part of them never got over the fear from their Rebellion days that there was a chance each moment spent together would be their last. It's almost like they knew they wouldn't have forever…" His tears were starting to come easier now, causing Nat to begin to cry as well. "Mom loved to talk about the future, but there were things from the past that never really let her go." Letting go of her hand, he turned to her and hugged her tightly, a hug she returned with equal fervor. "She would have liked you, you know. A fighter, wonderful pilot. One of my best friends."

"I'm sure I would have liked her too." She said, smoothing down his bed head with gentle fingers.

"I'm sorry I woke you." He whimpered into her neck in a small voice.

Feeling the tears on her skin, she hugged him even tighter, pressing his head into the crook of her neck. "Just let it out, sweetheart. God knows I have enough of these kinds of nights myself to know what it's like. Just let it out."

It was a slow build to Poe's eventual break down. He was quiet at first, but then he began to shake in her arms, and finally with a whine, he began to sob. Looking up to the ceiling, tears trailed down her cheeks as she continued to coo to him, keeping him close.

*

A/N: There are live version's of the song Where the Nightingale Sings by Alan Doyle but the studio version is on spotify. Hope you enjoyed, let me know of your opinion. Thanks, all! 3


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17  
“Natasha, can you go find Poe?” Kes called.  
He had a new crop and set of products to sell at the market, so Poe and Nat came to help run the stall for the day. As the afternoon dragged on, the crowds began to dwindle, allowing other vendors to begin to pack up the remainder of their stock. Pausing in her work to look around the Dameron booth, Nat gave him a teasing grin when she couldn’t locate her friend. “Think you can manage on your own?” She teased.  
Snorting, he shook his head. “Go find my son and bring him back.” He told her with a smile.  
Giving him a silly salute, she nodded before running off. “Yes, sir!” She laughed.  
*  
“Cummon, kids, I really gotta get going.” Poe laughed, though allowing himself to be pulled down by the small group of kids that had managed to pull him away from the market once recognizing who he was. He now sat with them in the clearing where he and Nat had run into Ganactu, however the atmosphere was much more cheerful now than it had been that day.  
“But, Poe! You have to stay!” One little boy exclaimed, scrambling onto the Pilot’s lap.   
“You haven’t told us everything yet!” Another little boy crowed.  
“But I can’t tell you everything.” Poe shook his head with a laugh, situating the boy in his lap to a much more comfortable position. “You don’t want me to get in trouble, do you? Then I wouldn’t have any stories to tell you.”  
“Tell us about your friends, Poe!” One girl begged, bouncing where she sat.   
“What about the droids you work with?” Another girl called from across the circle.  
“What about my friends?” Poe decided to start there, thinking of his friend not too far away.  
“Are they all Rebels like you?”   
“Well, we’re called Resistance fighters now, but yeah.” Poe grinned. “We all rebelled one way or another.”  
“Did all of you start flying when you were kids?” A boy asked.  
“I know I did.” An adult’s voice suddenly sounded.   
While some had to turn around, everyone looked to the direction of the new voice. As soon as all the little girls saw Nat, they gasped. “Hey, Natasha.” Poe grinned.   
“So, this is where you ran off to when you abandoned your father and I.” She crossed her arms as she teased him.  
“Sorry?” He offered meekly before gesturing to the kids around him who still stared at her in shock and awe. “But hey! Meet the future pilots of Yavin 4!”  
“Oh really?” She grinned.  
One little girl with wild curly black hair and bright blue eyes slowly shuffled over to Nat, peeking up at her shyly. “Who are you?” She asked.  
“My name is Natasha.” Nat smiled gently as she bent down to be level with the little girl. “What’s your name?”  
“Aria.” She mumbled. “Are you a pilot too?”  
“I am.” Nat confirmed.  
As soon as Aria and the other children heard this, many of the little girls, along with a few of the boys, swarmed the red head. Laughing as he watched from across the clearing, Poe tried to focus on some of the questions being thrown at his friend.  
“Are you really a pilot?”  
“Do you have a ship?”  
“Have you ever killed someone?”  
“Do you have an astro-droid?”  
“Are you Poe’s girlfriend?”  
“When did you start flying?”  
“What planets have you been to?”  
“Shh, younglings!” Nat hushed them as she reached her hand out to sweep over their heads, effectively silencing them. Holding a hand out to Aria, the two held hands as they walked over to Poe with the others following close behind. “Okay, first question?” She asked, sitting next Poe so their hips were touching.   
“You’re a pilot too?” Aria asked, climbing into Nat’s lap.  
“Yes. Since I was six years old… I think.” Nat grinned sheepishly.   
“Do you have a ship?!” A kid shouted enthusiastically.   
“I’ve had a number of ships over the years. My brother and I built one called the Byzantium Angel, but it didn’t last very long, surprise surprise. I’ve got an old fighter from before the Empire tucked away. And it wasn’t mine, but I flew a Y-Wing a couple of times, and I have an X-Wing of my own now.” Nat listed off, looking down at the ground to avoid Poe’s look of surprise and curiosity.  
“That’s a lot of ships.” One kid breathed in awe.   
“Yes, I suppose so.” Nat agreed quietly  
Turning in her lap, Aria turned to put her hands on Nat’s shoulders. “Have you ever killed someone?” She whispered.   
“I suppose so.” Nat admitted slowly, clearly uncomfortable on the topic.   
“What about an astro-droid! Poe has one, do you?” One of the older boys asked.   
“I built R3-D3 with my brother when I was seven. He’s been with me ever since.” Nat began smiling again, memories flashing through her mind. “He’s silver and red.”  
Suddenly the girls crept closer, grins of varying emotions on their faces, though all promised trouble. “Are you Poe’s girlfriend?” One of the older girl’s asked.   
Poe almost laughed at the shocked look on her face, as she looked between the children and himself. Neither had a chance to reply however as Kes spoke from the edge of the clearing, humor in his voice. “I sent you to find my son and bring him back, not abandon me with him.” He said, crossing his arms.  
Looking at the older Dameron man, both Resistance pilots smiled meekly. “Sorry, Dad.” Poe apologized with a grin.  
“Sorry, Kes.” Nat echoed.  
“Hey, kids.” Kes shook his head with a smile, knowing the thirst for knowledge and stories the children of Yavin 4 possessed.  
“Hello, Mr. Dameron.” The kids chorused.  
“Sorry kids, but I got to take these two. It’s time to go home.” Kes stepped forwards.  
“Awwwwww!” Several the kids cried in disappointment.   
The two that were in Nat ad Poe’s lap climbed off them, allowing the two adults to stand up. “Sorry, guys. Thanks for the fun though.” Poe said, ruffling some of the kids’ hair.   
“Sorry we can’t stay longer.” Nat said, leaning down to hug some of them, many of the girls scrambling to get a hug from the woman, making her laugh.   
One little girl in particular, clung to her tightly. “You’re my hero.” She whispered into Nat’s ear as she wrapped her skinny arms around the red head’s neck.   
“Oh? Why’s that?” Nat asked.  
“Because you’re a girl who flies.” The girl whispered back before letting go and running off with the other kids.   
Falling back onto her bottom, Nat blinked back tears as a shaky smile formed on her lips. “I’m a hero.” She whispered in disbelief.  
Bending down, Poe pulled her to her feet, giving her a reassuring hug. “Of course you are.” He murmured before pulling away and taking her hand in his to pull her towards his dad.   
“What are you doing?” She laughed, rolling her eyes.   
“Let’s put on a show for the kids.” He said, curling his fingers around hers.  
“Is that allowed?” Kes asked as they hurried past him, giving Nat a questioning look.   
“Yeah, it’ll be fine.” Poe said passively, not processing what his father had asked, only focusing on Nat’s smooth hands in his in contrast to his own calloused hands.   
“You’re ridiculous.” She laughed as he led her through the market, many of the kids who saw them giggling at their linked hands. As they hurried towards Kes’s booth, she felt a piercing pair of eyes on her. Doing a quick scan of the area, she saw Nar Nar watching the two of them with a look that made Nat feel uneasy. Turning away, she pulled her hand free at the booth, resuming packing up the stall’s supplies.   
“So, you’ve flown a Y-Wing before?” Poe asked quietly, joining her side to help in her work.  
“I’ve flown many ships in my lifetime.” She replied.  
“Y-Wing’s aren’t used anymore.” He said in confusion.   
“By the Resistance, no. I flew Shadow Squadron under my brother’s command.” The roar of the engines reverberated in her mind. “And then again… years later. Only ever borrowed them when I couldn’t fly my own ship.”  
“And what is your ship? You said it’s from before the Empire, I think that’s the most information you’ve ever given about what you’ve got hidden away in that hanger.” He teased, nudging her side.  
“Light Interceptor.” She replied lowly and without hesitation.  
“And what does that mean?” He asked. It wasn’t a full model name, but it was a start.   
“We initially used them more for personal travel, but… times changed.” Nat slowed in her work. “My brother had a spice freighter for a while too, got it on a mission to use as an escape. He ended up keeping it and working on it. Came in handy for different missions. Towards the end though it fell into disrepair, destroyed later too. But, I guess all things must end.”  
“Poe, can you get us the speeder? We can pack it all up before finishing the day.” Kes requested, returning to the sale station to sell the last batch of product. “By the way, Nar Nar wants you to stop by for dinner tonight, if we go now we can get you two home so you can change and go.”  
Eyeing Nat from the side, Poe nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be right back.” He said before running off once again.  
“I’ll ask again, is that allowed?” Kes asked Nat quietly.  
“Doesn’t matter anymore.” She murmured back. “Hasn’t mattered for the last 50 years or so.”   
*  
“Alright, I think that should be everything you need to take over.” Kes said, glancing over what he and Poe had packed into the small cargo hold of the speeder. “Thanks for taking care of it for me.”   
“No worries, Dad. Besides, we promised Nar Nar we’d come visit her.” Poe said as he closed the hold’s door.   
“Nice of you to clean up for her too. Make yourself presentable.” Kes teased.   
“Hey! I’m always presentable.” Poe retorted.  
“Sure you are.” Kes laughed. “I’m gonna head in now, see if Natasha’s okay. You two have fun and I’ll see you later, okay?” He patted his son’s shoulder as he walked by.   
“Alright, Dad. My comm will be on if you need us.” Poe smiled.  
“I’ll be fine, I’ll have R3 and BB-8 with me.” Kes promised as he slipped out of the shed. Pushing the shed doors open, Poe returned to the speeder, switching it on and getting it ready to depart. He paused and strained his ears to listen when he heard voices not too far away. “I didn’t even hear you coming. You look good, kid.” His father said. He almost missed the slight whisper of fabric swishing in the yard.  
“Thank you.” Nat’s voice replied softly.  
“I like the red. Adds a bit of colour.”  
“I do too.”  
“I shouldn’t keep you, go have fun, and say hi to the old woman for me.”   
“Will do, have a good night.”   
Smiling to himself, Poe returned to finishing his work before jumping almost a foot high when something warm brushed his side. “KRIFF.” He shouted, turning to see Nat studying what he had been doing inquisitively.  
Glancing up at him with the tip of her tongue caught between her teeth as she smiled, she tilted her head to the side. “Sorry.” She apologized.  
Chuckling, he shook his head. “It’s okay, I just didn’t hear you come in.”  
“That’s why I have these boots,” She mused, lifting her foot to reveal the soft flat sole of the boot. “Made for being quiet.”  
“Everything has to be of tactical use for you, doesn’t it?” He noted, quirking an eyebrow.  
“Old habits die hard.” She shrugged in response.  
Glancing down, he smiled when he saw the sandy brown dress she wore. “Looks good on you.” He commented, taking her hand to give her a small twirl, making the thin layered skirt flutter around her calves. It really did look good on her, with tight long sleeves and a torso that hugged all her curves before loosening past her hips.   
“Thanks.” She breathed a laugh.  
“Oooh, splash of colour too?” He teased, seeing the thin red belt around her waist.   
“May as well.” She shrugged, a distant look in her eyes. “You don’t look too bad yourself, either.”  
“Meh, this isn’t much.” He waved her off, offering her a hand into the speeder, which she took.  
“Still, I like that colour.” She said, gesturing to his turquoise shirt under his jacket.  
“Well, thank you.” He gave her a crooked smile as he jumped in beside her. Revving the engines, he carefully brought them out of the shed before sending them off into the woods. “Now let’s get there as fast as we can, I’m starving.”  
*  
With a grunt, Poe set down the last of the cargo boxes full of various foods and supplies, looking up and chuckling when he saw Nar Nar tug Nat away from the cupboards where she had been putting away materials for the old woman and push her into a chair. “Well, I think that’s the last of it.” He said, straightening up.  
“Thank your father for me, these makes my days easier.” Nar Nar said, slowly lowering herself into a chair. “And thank you for bringing it all to me.”  
“I can finish putting it away for you if you’d like.” Nat began to stand before being gently pushed back down by Poe as he sat in the chair next to her.  
“Don’t bother, Tasha.” He shook his head with a smile. “She won’t let you.”  
“No, I won’t.” Nar Nar said stubbornly, though there was a smile on her face. “I can take care of it later. I didn’t get a chance to ask over dinner; I want to know about you, dear. Where do you come from?”  
Glancing at Nat with a smile, it faded when he caught her frozen look. Clearing her throat, she shook her head before shrugging. “No where.” She mumbled.  
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Nar Nar scoffed. “Everyone comes from somewhere. What’s your story?”  
“Uhh, I served in the Royal household on Naboo briefly, living between there and Tatooine for a year.” Nat said, taking a sip of water to ease the dryness.   
“I figured you had something to do with the Naboo royalty. What did you do there?” Nar Nar noted.  
“I dunno, I was six.” Nat looked down. “A companion to the Queen, I suppose. I’d tell her of my experiences on Tatooine. She’d never been off world before, so she enjoyed hearing the stories. Although they were heavily edited.”  
At this Nar Nar lifted an eyebrow. “You lied to the Queen, why?”   
In return, Nat’s brow furrowed. “What was I supposed to do? Tell her the horrors of Hutt controlled space? Tell her my brother and foster mother were slaves?” She said harshly. At this Poe looked at her in confusion. After a rescue mission to save General Solo from Jabba the Hutt during the Rebellion, the Hutts hadn’t managed to reclaim the planet. Perhaps things had changed and the galaxy didn’t find out? “Besides, my brother was freed a year later and we went to Coruscant to study various subjects. When I was sixteen, we were forced to fight a war that shouldn’t have ever happened. One thing led to another, everyone died, I did lots of things, now I’m here.”  
“Mmmhhhmmm.” Nar Nar hummed uncertainly.  
“Do you miss it?” Poe asked suddenly, his eyes fixed on the ground. “The way things used to be?”  
“Before my training, during my training, or the war?” Nat asked, a trace of bitterness in her voice.   
“It’s all you ever knew before, right? So… all of it, I guess.” He said softly, meeting her eye.   
“I miss my brother. I miss my mentors. I miss my friends.” She replied quietly. “But life goes on. There have been things, people, that have made it easier.” She gave him a knowing smile. Grasping what she meant, he returned her smile.   
“She’s right.” Nar Nar agreed. “I’ve lived to see Federations, Empires, Orders rise and fall, planets destroyed, friends and families lost. Life still goes on.”   
“Yeah… I guess so.” He agreed lowly.  
Noting his somber expression, Nar Nar reached across the table to take Poe’s hands in hers. “I heard about L’ulo, my dear. I’m sorry.” She said gently.  
“He came to help rescue me. I owe him. I owe all of them.” He mumbled.  
“We were devastated when we received the news. He was a valuable member of the community, we all miss him.” She said.  
Sitting up, he wiped his eyes and gave the women a smile. “We should get going soon, mind if I use your ‘fresher?” He asked, pushing past the still sensitive topic.   
“Of course you can, my son.” She laughed. “Go on.”   
Chuckling weakly, he stood up and pressed a kiss to the top of the old woman’s head before glancing to his silent friend. “I won’t be long.” He promised.  
“It’s okay.” She said quietly.  
“Okay.” He echoed before leaving the room.   
Watching Poe disappear around the corner, once she knew he was out of ear shot, Nar Nar leaned forwards to fix a thoughtful eye on the young woman across from her. “Now, Poe doesn’t seem to know, but I know Amidala was not an actual family line, it was the regnal name the Queen took on during her term. Many rulers do that, allows professional safety and personal privacy.” Watching carefully, she noted how Nat paled slightly, her eyes widening in shock. “So, who are you really?”  
“I told you who I am.” Nat replied hoarsely before clearing her throat. “I-”  
“No, you hinted at who you are.” Nar Nar interrupted. “Now, your boyfriend might be alright with not knowing everything about you, and that’s his choice, but I’m not. I watched that boy grow up, and I don’t want to see him hurt.”  
“I truly do care for him.” Nat said loudly, her hand falling rather harshly onto the table’s surface. “I don’t want to see him hurt either. That’s why I won’t tell him the truth.” She said the last part quietly.  
“Not going to do you any good if you lie to him though.” Nar Nar pointed out. “So, who are you really?”  
“Skywalker.” Nat mumbled, though the old woman still heard her.  
“Ahh, a Jedi.” The old woman leaned back in understanding. “I figured you believed in the Force to some degree, with that red belt you’re wearing. Very subtle, what with Jedha and the Guardians gone, no one would pick up on it if they didn’t know the history, though something tells me you’ve lived it. I don’t know how, but what you described isn’t anything recent.” When Nat didn’t reply, Nar Nar shook her head in disbelief. “My dear, you must be crazy to keep your abilities a secret.”  
“You seen the luck streak for the Jedi the last 70 years? Sorry for trying to keep out of the way.” Nat muttered.  
“And yet you’re with the Resistance.”  
“Well I’m not going to completely sit on my ass.” She said into her cup as she took a sip. “But like Amidala, Skywalker is just the adopted name. Not my real name either.”  
At this, Nar Nar once again rose an eyebrow. “You even have a real name, young woman?”  
“Natasha.” Nat shrugged, putting on a smile when Poe came back into the room.   
“Alright, let’s get going.” He said, taking Nat’s hand and helping her stand. “But thank you for dinner, it was incredible as always. It was good to see you again, Nar Nar.”  
Standing as well, Nar Nar enveloped Poe in a big hug. “You’re a fine young man, Poe. Your mother would be proud.” She told him. Pulling away, she fondly patted his cheek. “Take care of yourself.”   
“I will.” He promised.  
Looking to Nat, Nar Nar smiled. “You take care of yourself as well, my dear.” Surprising the red head, the old woman pulled her into a hug as well. “Be proud of who you really are. Don’t try to hide it anymore.” She whispered in Nat’s ear.  
Weakly returning the hug, Nat nodded numbly, remaining silent as they left Nar Nar’s ranch and began to race through the forest back to the Dameron homestead.   
While happily talking away as he flew the speeder, Poe realized Nat’s unusual silence that he became silent himself and slowed the speeder to a stop on the edge of the path’s treeline. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked gently, turning to face her.   
On her side of the speeder’s bench, she sat curled in on herself with her knees to her chest, staring blindly at the floor. “Poe, can I ask you something?” She asked quietly.  
“Yeah, of course!” He encouraged, shuffling closer o her, resting his arm on the back of the bench.  
“Does it bother you that you don’t know everything about me, that I’m hiding things from you?” She risked a quick glance at him.  
“Did Jonar say something to you?” He asked in realization. Though she didn’t reply, he got his answer. “You have to remember, I know more about you than she does. Yes, I still don’t know everything, but as long as you’re okay, then I’m okay. I know you went through some pretty hard stuff. I did too, and neither one of us are ready to talk about. I’d be a hypocrite to be angry at you for not wanting to talk about something that hurt you when I’m the same way. You’re still one of my best friends, even if you are hiding something.” He teased.   
This however did not seem to reach her. “A disguise is always a self portrait, no matter how hard you try.” She mumbled to herself.   
“What do you mean by that?” He asked curiously.   
“Kind of what was said on one of my favorite entertainment programs back home.” She turned to him. Smiling slightly, she shrugged. “Even if I was pretending to be somebody I wasn’t, you’d find a truth as to who I really was in that mask.” She paused for a moment, reaching over to gently grab his hand. “And you’re one of my best friends, too.”  
Grinning widely, he threw his arm around the back of her shoulders to drag her across the bench so they sat with their sides flush against each other. This made her laugh as he brought the speeder’s engines to life and sent them flying forwards once more. “Good, I was worried for a second. How could I not be your best friend?”  
“Wow, no ego there.” She shook her head with a smile before leaning against him as he laughed.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18  
The red gas giant above the small moon glowed a dim red in contrast to the bright blue of the sky above as the sun rose higher in the sky. Through the line of trees not far from the house, Kes worked his way through the field, looking over a line of crops that were almost ready to be harvested. Surprisingly, he wasn’t spooked to hear a soft voice speak to him suddenly, breaking the silence of the field.  
“Good morning, Kes.”  
Straightening up from the melon in front of him, he turned his head to see Nat standing at the edge of the field, not far from where he stood. “Good morning, Natasha.” He nodded. “You’re looking a lot better.”  
Sniffling, she shrugged. “Got a lot of rest.” Was all she said, her voice much clearer than it had been yesterday.   
Remembering what General Organa had told him, his eyes narrowed as he smiled slightly. “How much time passed for you last night?” He asked.  
Knowing what he was referring to, she grinned. “I was home for a week. I feel a lot better now.”  
“You definitely look it.” He said, beckoning to her to come forwards. “No one heals that fast over three days of rest.”  
“Sometimes.” She laughed, carefully picking her way through the melons to get to him.  
“You’re not the only one I’ve noticed who’s gotten better. The tree out front has perked up.” He noted. “I’m assuming you had something to do with that.”  
“I could hear it crying as soon as we touched down.” She said, bending down to study the melon at their feet. “I grew up playing under that tree, meditating under it. I couldn’t just leave it like that.”  
“I had no idea what to do with it when it started to die. Shara was always the one to take care of it.” He said as he kneeled next to her, beginning to work the large fruit from the soil.  
“I noticed there were also traces of burn marks on it?” She asked in confusion, making Kes chuckle and shake his head.  
“That was Poe.” He said. “My son always did have trouble keeping his feet on the ground.”  
“Oh.” Nat nodded. “Well, I fixed that too. For the most part.”  
“I don’t know how you do it.” He took a knife from his belt to work at the tangle of vines. “You can do all these things, you could probably win a battle all by yourself, and yet you don’t.”  
“A matter of knowing what you have and when to use it. It’s a responsibility. No one should be all powerful, it’s just stupid and unnecessary.”  
“And yet here you are.” He nudged her shoulder teasingly.  
“And yet here I am.” She laughed in agreement.  
Finally working the melon free, Kes picked it up and stood up, Nat quick to straighten up as well. “Come on, we’ll bring this into the house and clean it up.”  
“Okay!” She chirped, following close behind.  
“I’ve noticed the last couple of days you’ve been wearing looser, more relaxed clothing. Get’s quite warm here, doesn’t it?” He asked, having noticed the more combat ready clothing she wore before.  
“This is just one of the under layers of my robes.” She looked down at her green shirt and brown pants. “Muggy weather isn’t the problem. You get used to different planets when fighting a galactic war. Well, you know that.”  
“Don’t worry, I remember.” He reassured her as they left the field and stepped onto the short treeline path towards the homestead. “It must be so strange for you being here, when what you know was so long ago.”  
“I went from being a General and Representative to being a consulting General, essentially anyways.” She mused. “Certainly less stressful.”  
“But the stress is still there.” He pointed out.  
“Can you blame me?” She laughed bitterly. “The First Order wants to destroy Luke, and recruit Rey for their own purposes. I’m a Jedi from the old order, or I was anyways. If anything, my credits are on the First Order wanting to kill me if they find out about me.”  
“And you’re scared of Poe.” He said knowingly. “We’ve had this discussion before, he won’t reject you like you’re afraid he might.”  
“Being a Jedi, perhaps not.” She agreed. “Being from the old Republic, and actual other dimensions is another problem.”   
“Alright, that does take some getting used to.” He conceded. “But you’re no different than us, so it’s easy to forget about.”  
“Thanks, I think.” She rolled her eyes as they cleared the treeline and walked around the house.   
“If you’re worried about the specifics, tell him that you just need time before telling him everything. It would at least be a start.” He offered.   
“Yes, perhaps.” She said absentmindedly, looking towards the Force tree across the yard where Poe sat underneath with his back against the trunk and his eyes closed.   
Jumping slightly when she felt a nudge against her arm, she looked up at Kes, not having realized she had come to a stop. Smiling kindly at her, he nodded towards his son. “Go.” He told her. “I’ll bring some of this to you two once I clean it up.”  
With that he left her alone as she looked back to Poe. “Okay.” She mumbled before wandering over to Poe. As she drew closer, she noticed his brow was pinched, and his body tense, making her hurry to him. Dropping to the ground, she gently put her hand on his knee. “Poe?” She said gently. “Can I do anything for you?”  
Slowly sitting up, he took her hands in his and studied them as he spoke. “I was thinking about what I said yesterday, about not being ready to talk about what happened, and I think I need to talk about it.”  
“Okay.” She said slowly, moving to sit cross legged in front of him, not taking her hands away as she moved.   
“Did General Organa tell you why she wanted you to teach me meditation?” He asked lowly.  
“She said you had been tortured.” She replied.  
“That monster… Kylo Ren…” He started shakily. “He used the Force to get into my head, blasted it apart to find out what I did with the map to Luke Skywalker. I wasn’t strong enough to keep him out. I wasn’t strong enough.” He whispered the last part.  
“Oh Poe…” She cooed sadly, pulling her hands away to hug him tightly, his head tucked under her chin. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know!” That was a lie however, she knew exactly what Ben had done to the pilot, the pain Poe had felt and what it had done to him, leaving her bloody boiling and her bones feeling cold.  
“Well, the only time I want to discuss him is when he’s locked in a cell, so.” He mumbled from the hollow of her throat, his arms wrapped around her lower back.   
“I’ll help you, I promise. I’ll teach you how to rebuild the walls he destroyed, and we’ll strengthen them. My unit was taught how to resist Force probing, I’ll teach you. We’ll heal this, I promise.” She said, stroking the back of his head.  
“Thank you.” He gripped her a little tighter.  
“And hey,” She gently pushed him away to cradle his face and press her forehead to his. “If it makes you feel better, I hear Rey sliced Ren in the face.” She grinned, pulling one hand away from his face to trace a line from her hairline in the middle of her forehead and down, across the ridge of her nose, under her right eye, and down to her cheek, neck, and shoulder. “Nice bug lightsaber burn.”  
“He deserves it after what he did to Finn, Rey, and I.” Poe grumbled, putting his hands-on top of hers.   
“We will win. I promise you that. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, it may be a couple of years from now. But we will win.” She promised, stroking his cheek.  
“We will.” He agreed, squeezing her fingers. When he noticed over her shoulder his father walking out of the house, he pulled away to a safe distance, Nat mimicking his movements. “What do you have there, Dad?” He asked curiously, noting the familiar worn backpack in Kes’ hand.   
Smiling at the pilot, Kes held the bag up before putting it on the ground in front of them. “Since Natasha is feeling better, I thought maybe you could show her the hills we used to hike together. Actually, I think it would do you both some good. Even packed a lunch for you.”   
“What do you think, Tasha? You up for a hike? There’s a lake we can swim in too.” Poe asked her.  
“Oh, ummm… that would be fun, just let me go get ready.” With that she got up and rushed into the house.  
“You coming with us?” Poe asked hopefully.  
“No, I’ll let you two have fun without me.” Kes shook his head. “You two don’t need me slowing you down.”  
“You’re still strong, Dad.” Poe rolled his eyes. “I’m pretty sure you’d out hike us and leave us in the dust.”  
Ruffling his son’s hair, Kes gave him a knowing look. “I wasn’t talking about slowing down your hike.”  
“Daaaad.”   
“Talk to her, be clever, do something.” Kes grinned. “Now get your trunks on and get out of here.”  
*  
Around them, birds flew off in panic as Poe’s laughter filled the air. At the base of a towering tree, Nat stood looking up with wide eyes. “I thought you said we were hiking. That isn’t hiking.”  
Above her and high in the tree, Poe hung onto a branch as he laughed. “We need to climb the tree to get to the path.” He explained. “It’s the only way onto the mountain.”  
“Ooooooooof course it is.” She dropped her chin to her chest.   
Quickly scaling down the tree, he jumped down to stand next to her. “Hey, if it makes you feel any better, you can go first and I’ll follow behind. That way if you fall, there’s more of a chance I can catch you… or something.” He trailed off when she gave him a funny look. “I mean if you fell I could try and grab you?” He offered meekly.  
Rolling her eyes with a shake of her head, she pulled a pair of fingerless gloves out of a small bag attached to her belt before putting them up and starting to climb up the tree. “Eyes front, soldier.” She called down to him, hearing him follow her up.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. My eyes are always front.” He called back.  
“Mine aren’t.” She replied in a sing song voice, making her snicker when she heard Poe slip slightly, though he did not fall.  
For several minutes they climbed in silence, the wind around them a low whistle in their ears. Once they had gotten a far way up the tree, she clutched the branch above her tightly as the tree shook slightly, making her go rigid. When she felt a hand on her shoulder, she cracked an eye open to see Poe hanging next to her with a giant smile on his face. “A little warning next time?” She half screeched and half squeaked.  
His smile faded however when he saw how white her knuckles had become from gripping the branch. “I didn’t actually scare you, did I?” He asked in worry.   
“Poe Dameron, we are hanging in a tree over a hundred feet in the air, yes you scared me.” She panted, squeezing her eyes shut once more.  
“Hey, Tasha. I want you to look at me.” He requested gently. When she finally did as he asked, he gave her a coaxing smile and nodded upwards. “Ten more feet and you’ll be back on solid ground. Think you can do that for me?”   
Without missing a beat, she glared at him. “Not like I have much of a kriffing choice here, Poe.” She spat. “Climb a little higher or let go and fall to my death. Hmm, let me think about that.”   
Laughing, he shook his head. “That’s my girl.” He said before climbing with her the rest of the way. Once they were level with the cliff, he shimmied over on the branch to step onto the ground. Taking the bag off his back to stash it safely a distance away, he held a hand out to her. “Trust me?” He said.  
Carefully stepping sideways, she grabbed his hand and jumped the rest of the way. As soon as her boots hit the ground, she teetered back slightly, making him pull on her arm and into him. However, the force of the impact sent them both sprawling onto the ground, but at least away from the cliff. After recovering from the loss of breath, she pulled her head back to smile at him. “Always.” She promised with a laugh.   
Joining in her amusement, he wrapped an arm around her waist to give her a squeeze. “Good to know.” He wheezed.  
“Sorry, I’ll get off now.” She apologized, scrambling to get off him.  
“It’s alright, Tasha. How could I not catch you when you’re falling for me?” He teased.  
“Oh my god.” She groaned, burying her face in her hands as he laughed again.   
Standing up, he took her hands into his and pulled her to her feet. “Come on, I want to show you something real quick.” He said, letting go of one hand to lead her away from the main path and towards a crowded trail between two rocks.  
“Poe, where are we going?” She asked as they slipped down the path.  
“Just wait, you'll see.” He promised as they finally came to the opening. Stepping aside so she could see what was ahead, he grinned at the look of amazement on her face. “It’s not the same as flying, but it still provides a good view of the planet.” Off the edge of the cliff and between the large trees that stood near the mountain, various hills, lakes, and houses could be seen below them. “It’s a good view of home.”  
“It is.” She agreed.  
His stomach suddenly rumbling, he tugged on her hand, leading her back through the rocks. “Come on, if we’re fast enough, we can get up to the spot in 40 minutes.”  
“Think your stomach will last that long?” She teased as he began to hurry them along once they were free of the tight space.   
“Dad use to make us hike here from the house. We used the speeder to cut down our time to get here.” He explained. “I think I’ll be okay.”  
*  
Groaning happily, Nat flung herself back onto the ground as she finished her lunch. “I can die happy. Poe, you’re father really knows how to cook.” She groaned.  
Chuckling, Poe took a sip from the canteen. “Yes, he certainly does.” He agreed. “Although, sorry about having to share this, Dad says he couldn’t find the other one.” Which he figured was a lie, but he wasn’t about to push the issue.   
Sitting back up, she rolled her eyes and took the container from him, taking a long drag of the contents herself. “We’re friends, I don’t care. Look at the bright side, I’m almost completely better, so no worries there.”  
“Yeah, they gave you miracle drugs, whatever it is you’ve been taking.” He noted. “Only took you a couple of days to get better.”  
“Mmmhmmm.” She hummed. “Makes this hike easier. Your Dad seems to come up with good ideas to pass the time.”  
“I’d like to think I took after him there.” He joked.   
“So, this place is special then, huh?” She asked, sitting back up to look around the small meadow that sat on the edge of a large reflective lake. “Ever bring anyone special here?”  
“No, only ever family.” He looked out over the water. “My Grandfather would bring me here to play when my parents were away fighting in the Rebellion. The after when they retired we’d come up here a lot. Even after Mom was gone, Dad and L’ulo would bring me up here to kind of let loose.”  
“Then I’m the first non-family member you’ve bought here? Sorry to ruin this place with my presence.” She said.  
“Don’t say that. Besides, some other people come up here too, not too many, but other people come here to relax once and awhile. Friends, families, lovers.” He noted  
“Ah, yes, lovers doing things up here. Exactly what I want to think of.” She laughed.  
A silence fell over them as they both sat wrapped in their own thoughts, Poe’s dwelling on what Nat had said. “My dad seems to think you're in love with someone.” He suddenly said plainly.   
“Why don't you get involved then? You obviously like him.”  
“Because, Bucky. The Order I was brought into as a child had in its code a strict forbidding of relationships and attachments.”  
“Well that's not fair.”   
The conversation from weeks ago flashed through her mind while panic stabbed through her, making her forehead crease. He was right, it wasn't fair. “Well, I wouldn't say I'm in love just yet. Certainly very fond of.” She admitted carefully.   
“Oh… Anyone I know?” He asked just as carefully.  
“I dunno.” She refused to meet his gaze, knowing she could be in trouble if she said anything else, god knows it always seemed to go that way for her.   
“Sure you do, you just don't want to tell me.”  
At this, she froze. The words and meaning behind it were the same as what was said so many years ago, leaving the memory of loved one’s voices ringing in her ears.  
“Sure you do, you just don't want to tell me.”  
“Alright. His name was Palo. We were both in the Legislative Youth Program. He was a few years older than I. Very cute. Dark, curly hair. Dreamy eyes.”  
Seeing it to be the perfect opportunity, not that he would understand, she took a leap. “Well… We're both officers in the Resistance. He's a few years older than I. Very cute. Dark, curly hair. Dreamy eyes.” She ducked her head and smiled shyly to herself.   
Watching her closely, Poe tried his best to control the hope that rose in his chest. “Okay. Why don't you talk to him? Tell him how you feel?”   
“I do talk to him, I just don't know if I should say what my heart feels.” She looked back to him with wide eyes before shaking her head. “However, he'd probably suggest I do otherwise. I don’t know; maybe it’s for the best I don’t tell him how I feel...”  
“What makes you say that?”  
“Well, I've never been in a relationship before, and any interaction I've had that could have led to one has never ended well. Besides, he's a fighter, and so am I, but I'm also a politician. Or I was. Nobody hardly ever wants to get involved with us. Either way, I'm screwed up in so many ways, no one in their right mind would want that. Besides, I'm probably too much trouble to be worth anything to them.”   
Wanting to see her smile again or at the very least, laugh a little to lift her from this self loathing mood, he nudged her shoulder. “Well then, maybe he's the smart one.”  
“Alright, I get the picture. Whatever happened to him?”  
“I went into public service, he became an artist.”  
“Maybe he was the smart one.”  
There were the wide eyes again, except this time they were accompanied by the slightest upturn of her mouth. Echoing the astonished voice in her head, tone and all, she said “You really don't like politicians, do you?”  
She could have sworn it was Deja vu when he replied with “I like two or three, but I'm not really sure about one of them.”  
Instantly she threw her head back, her stomach hurting as she laughed hard. “You're making fun of me.”  
“Hey! I'm just trying to give you some advice about your love life.”  
“Yeah? What about your love life, Poe? Any special girls?”  
Now it was Poe’s turn to feel fear rush through his veins. “Well there's one. She in the Resistance too; hell of a pilot. Long, soft hair. Dreamy eyes…”   
“Alright, I get the picture.” Unlike her brother who had said this same phrase rather unhappily, she simply rolled her eyes and laughed. “You gonna go after her?”  
“I-I uhh… maybe? She gives me a run for my credits.” He laughed nervously, running a hand through his hair. Both pilots seemed to be acutely aware that this conversation could change everything; whether for better or worse. “I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t. She deserves more than damaged goods.”  
At hearing this, her eyes narrowed as she frowned. “Don’t say that, Poe. You’re not damaged goods.”  
“I certainly feel like it sometimes.” Poe mumbled, picking at the grass around him.   
“We’re fighting a war, we’re bound to feel like damaged goods from time to time. But you’re our best pilot. You led the charge to destroy Starkiller Base, you destroyed the oscillator that crippled the planet. You’re a close friend to many of us, and for everything you are and do, we all love you. You’re still useful yet, Dameron.” She told him gently, taking his hand in hers.   
“Thanks,” He gave her a small smile. “But sometimes my head...” He sighed.  
“Oh, I know what you mean.” She agreed, reaching over to put her hands on his. “I feel the same way.”  
*  
A/N: Just a few more chapter and part one of the story will be done. Leave in the comments what you think will happen by the end of this part of the story or what you hope to see in part 2. Thanks again for reading, and I hope everyone is well!

-B


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19  
Stretching, Poe stood and offered a hand down to Nat. “Miss Amidala?” He asked politely, though he had a sparkle in his eye and a grin playing at his lips.  
Putting her hands on the ground behind her, she leaned back to look at him. “Mr. Dameron?” She replied in a similar fashion.  
“Do you think the man you’re in love with-”  
“That I am very fond of.” She corrected him.  
“That you’re overly fond of,” He teased, making her roll eyes. “Mind if I invited you to come swimming?”  
“First off, I can do whatever I please.” She laughed. “But I don’t know. What do you think, Poe?”  
“I think you should come swimming with me.” He said in mock seriousness.   
“Hmm…” She hummed, pretending to think. “He would think I should, Mr. Dameron.”   
“In that case, join me for a swim, Miss Amidala?”  
“I would love to.” She smiled widely, accepting his hand up. Once up on her feet however, she put a hand on his shoulder. “What about the lady you have your eye on, will she mind?”  
Tugging her closer, he squeezed her hand. “Come swimming with me?” He asked lowly.  
Leaning forwards so that their noses were inches apart, she gave him a wicked grin. “I will push you in.”  
“I’ll pull you in with me.” He threatened back.  
“Alright, just let me change first.” She laughed, pulling away.   
Smiling himself, he toed off his boots and pulled his socks off before stripping down to his swim shorts. Walking the short distance to the edge of the lake, he slipped into the shallow water and waded several feet before jumping off the shelf and into the deep water, completely submerging himself in the clean and clear water. Under the surface, he opened his eyes and smiled as he surveyed his surroundings. It was as though he were a kid again, hiding there in the water. There was no war, no politics, just the freedom of being home with family and having fun in the lake. However, those were just memories, and he had to go up for air sooner or later.   
His head breaching the surface, he shook his head and wiped the water from his face before opening his eyes to look at Nat sitting on the lake’s edge, the water lapping at her knees. “Come on in!” He called to her with a wave. “The water’s just fine!”  
Smiling slightly, she shook her head. “I’m okay, thank you.” She called back.   
Frowning, he swam back the way he came until he hit the shelf, allowing him to stand. Walking the rest of the way with the water at his waist, he climbed onto shore to sit next to her, resting his wet hand on her knee, evoking a shiver from her. “Please?” He asked quietly.  
Thinking very carefully, she sighed and carefully took his hand in hers. “Fine.” She relented.   
“Great! Cummon!” He grinned, slipping back into the water. Offering her his other hand, he helped her into the lake, allowing the warm water to envelope her up to her waist. As soon as her feet hit the shelf floor however, her hands tightened around his, making him pause. “Are you okay?” He asked.  
Her eyes fixed on the deeper side of the lake where he had been swimming earlier, she didn’t respond before giving him a bright smile. “I can’t swim.” She said cheerfully.  
“What?” He asked in bewilderment. “You can’t swim? Why not?”  
“Almost drowning several times.” She told him nonchalantly. “At least it felt like drowning.”  
“Why didn’t you say anything?” He dropped her hands to give her a reassuring hug, not noticing how she froze until he let go.  
“I’m not going to stop you from having fun.” She rolled her eyes, stating it as though it were obvious.  
Frowning, he grabbed her hand again and led her towards the edge of the shelf. “Cummon.” He coaxed her. Once he reached the edge, he let go of her and jumped back in. Coming back to the surface, he held his arms out to her. “I’ll catch you, I promise.”  
Hearing this, her mouth twisted into a wry grin. “You know, the last person to say that to me didn’t catch me.”  
Fixing her with a level look, he nodded slightly. “Trust me.”  
Biting her lip, she looked at the water ahead of her apprehensively before looking to Poe and extending her hands in a childish, grabby way. When he reached for her forearms, she paused. “You realize I’ll be clinging to you, right?” She asked in worry.  
“Just come here.” He laughed. Nodding, Nat moved her hands up his arms to his shoulder, and then wrapped her arms around his neck as she stepped off into the deeper water. Squealing at the loss of ground beneath her and the feeling of the water around her, she clung to him tightly as panic began to set in. “Hey, I got you. I got you.” He promised, hugging her close as he struggled to keep them afloat.  
“Don’t let go, don’t let go, don’t let go.” She rambled, her legs kicking vigorously under the water.  
“Hey, you know I won’t. I’m not letting go of you, Natasha. I just need you to calm down.” He said evenly, feeling her chest heave against his own. Fearing she might have a panic attack, he decided against pulling away slightly to look at her and instead tightened his arms around her. “Natasha, I need you to calm down. Focus. You’re struggling. Slow down your kicks; slow and wide kicks. I can keep you up, but you have to help. I can’t do it alone.”  
This seemed to stun her as she stilled for a moment before trying to follow his instructions. “I’m sorry.” She whined, her breath warm in his ear.   
“It’s okay, sweetheart. We’re okay.” He promised. “I need you to tell me something though.”   
“Okay.” She nodded.  
“Do you know how to move in the water, or can you not swim at all?”  
“I can move, but I can’t stay afloat.”  
“Alright.” He breathed, slowly turning in the water, making her cling to him impossibly tighter. Seeing where he wanted to go, he pulled his head back slightly to have his lips against her ear. “There’s another place we can go and you can stand, but the water will come up to your shoulders. We have to swim to get over to it though. Can you help me get there?” He asked.  
“You-” She started to say.  
“I won’t let go, I promise.” He reassured her.   
Gingerly unwinding an arm from around his neck, she stretched it out in the direction they were to go. “Okay.” She nodded.  
Taking an arm from around her waist, he followed her lead and stretched an arm out. “Let’s go.” He agreed.  
Surprisingly, it did not take them long to reach the spot Poe had aimed to lead them to. As soon as they could see the lake bottom beneath them, they stood, the water coming to Nat’s collar bone while the water reached a little farther down on Poe. “This is better. Thank you.” She mumbled, letting go of and stepping away from him.   
“I don’t want to see you hurt, sweetheart.” He told her gently.  
Nodding, the wet end of her hair swished on the surface of the water. “I know, I just…”  
“You can’t help it.” He offered.   
“I try.” She said. “I just freak out when I get water in my face.”   
“Do you want to work on that?” He asked carefully. “Just do quick dunks under water? I’ll be right here in front of you.”   
“You’ll do it with me?” She asked shyly.   
Perhaps in another situation, he would have teased her on her choice of words. However, this was about facing a fear of hers, so he stowed any jokes away for now. “Of course.” He said, entwining their fingers together.   
“Okay.” She smiled timidly.   
“Alright, just a quick down and up, right?” He asked, receiving a nod. Pinching his nose, and Nat following suit, he nodded before jumping up and submerging himself, feeling her follow as her hand remained level with his the entire time. Immediately coming up, he wiped the water and his curls from his face. Opening his eyes, he grinned as he watched her wipe water from her own face and pushed her soaking dark hair from over her ears. “Are you okay?” He asked, squeezing her hand.  
“Yeah.” She gasped. “Again?”  
Surprised, he waited until she looked at him to nod his head. “Sure! Ready?”  
“Go.” She confirmed before they went back under.  
*  
“What’s wrong, Poe?”  
Where the three stood on the edge of the mountain, looking up, his little lip wobbled as he tightened his hold on the cool canister in his hands. “Mummy isn’t going to fly forever like she is in space.” He said to L’ulo before looking to his father. “If we let her go here, she’ll end up on the ground again.”  
Bending down, Kes embraced his son tightly, trying to hold back tears as he felt the canister hold Shara’s ashes between them. “That’s not so bad though, is it? If she’s on the ground, then she’s with you, right?” He said, pulling away to wipe away the child’s tears.  
“She’ll always be with you, Poe.” L’ulo kneeled to be level with the other two. “Especially when you’re flying. Shara Bey will never stop flying, because of you.”  
*  
Looking across the planet once more, Poe could almost see his mother’s ashes floating in the air as clearly as he could the day they had released a portion of her ashes from this very cliff. Blinking however, the vision was gone, replaced with tears that threatened to spill. Behind him, Nat could easily pick up on the colourful memory in his mind. Saying nothing, she instead gently took his hand in hers. “Sorry.” He said as clearly as he could, wiping at his eyes. “Was just thinking.”   
“Thinking about what?” Nat’s voice was barely a whisper.  
“We let some of Mom’s ashes go from here, I just wish we could have done the same for L’ulo.” He mused. “Instead he went the way most of us pilots expect ourselves to go.”  
“The strongest stars have hearts of Kyber.” She said quietly.  
“What?” He asked, turning to look at her.  
Her hand grasping his a little tighter, she shrugged and smiled slightly. “A wise man once said the strongest stars have hearts of Kyber. Kyber crystals are- what were key to the construction of a Jedi’s lightsaber. It was through the Kyber crystal energy was focused to make and emit the blade.” Shaking her head, she looked up. “Basically, what I’m trying to say is L’ulo is now a star, as many others I have known and lost as well.”  
“Don’t I know that feeling.” He agreed. “Thanks for that.”  
“Shall we head home?” She asked him, squeezing his hand before heading back to the trail.   
“You ready for the climb back down?” He asked, laughing at the groan he received.   
“I’m tired enough as it is, and you want to make me do more exercise?” She groaned.   
“Hey now, you did really well today! We even got you to hold your breath underwater for a while” He said.  
“Well, I couldn’t have done it without you.” She said earnestly.  
“It’s too bad we don’t have a pool on base, we could keep practicing.” He lamented.  
“Oh, well, next time we switch bases, I’ll get in touch with the First Order to ask them to give us time to search for a new secret base with a pool.” She rolled her eyes.  
“You’d do that? Oh, you’re the best, sweetheart.” He teased, brushing his lips against her temple before she jokingly elbowed him.  
“I’m sure if we hike long enough, we’ll find a base near the base we can go swimming in.” She thought of the image of D’Qar hanging in space.  
“Black Squadron would enjoy that.” He nodded. “Maybe Finn too when he wakes up. I wonder if he’s ever gone swimming before.”  
“Probably as a part of training, but never for fun.” She frowned.  
“Hmm, we should fix that.” He decided, stopping on the path next to the branch they would have to climb onto to get down. “After you?” He gestured.  
*  
The sound of boots landing on the ground near her needed not alert her to the fact that she was no longer alone, though it was comforting nonetheless. “It’s comforting to see you listen to my advice from time to time.”  
“Be honest, Master. I listen to you more than Anakin does.” Natasha replied, keeping her eyes closed.  
“You certainly are correct there.” He conceded.   
“Is there anything I can help you with, Master?” She asked.  
“No, I was simply walking by and sensed you were here.” He said, however the odd note in his voice gave him away.  
“Anakin spoke to you, didn’t he?” She asked, though she already knew the answer.  
“You told him I sent you in to capture Fives.” He relayed.  
“No, I said that I spoke to you and said you wouldn’t stop me.” She amended. “What did you tell him?”  
“I confirmed what you told him.” Obi-Wan said.  
Sighing, she relaxed and opened her eyes, blinking as she readjusted to the light. “Thank you.”  
“After all, we’re discussing the matter right now, and I cannot stop you.” When she laughed, a smile threatened on the Jedi Master’s face. “I never told your brother when we discussed it. And that discussion is now technically in the past.”  
“The next time Anakin or I pull something like that on a mission, just remember who we learned it before you get mad at us.” She reminded him.  
This made him groan slightly in annoyance, though amusement was there as well. “May I meditate with you?” He asked.  
“Of course.” She smiled, resuming her former position.   
“Relax.” He reminded her teasingly.  
I am relaxed. She sent through the Force before physically speaking. “The tree helps. I like to come out here and meditate when the Younglings practice their lightsaber techniques. With my eyes closed, I can sense their movement, I can see their energy flow as they move. It gives me something to focus on while I sit still.”  
“It makes me proud that you were able to finally find something that suits your needs while meditating, you never could sit still long enough.” He said with quiet pride. “I worried over you for years.”  
“I still can’t sit still and yet Master Yoda brings me to the senate.” She shook her head.  
“You’re good with people, Master Yoda sees that. Much of the council does.” He reassured her. “For as much as you have created headaches for the council, you’ve brought them great pride as well.”   
“Much of the council, but not all of.” She laughed, leaning against the warm bark of the tree. “The rest are mortified that their peers are feeling pride, or just feeling in general.”  
“You are still young yet, my old apprentice.” He too laughed before sobering. “You still have many years ahead of you to grow and change their minds.” He promised, making her smile fade away.   
*  
“Good Morning.”  
Swinging her makeshift staff around in reflex, her weapon froze six inches from his face when she realized it was Poe, making the memory fade from her mind. Quirking an eyebrow, he smiled. “I suppose I should stop sneaking up on you, huh?” He asked.  
“Perhaps.” She agreed, standing the staff up so she could rest some of her weight on it. “Sorry, was just thinking. Remembering.”  
“Uh oh, she’s thinking? Run for the hills.” He teased.   
Rolling her eyes, she looked up to the morning sky before looking back to her friend. “How did you sleep last night after yesterday’s hike?”   
“Okay.” He shrugged, looking to the Force tree. “I think somehow the tree helps me relax. It’s just soothing to be near it again.”  
“Maybe you’re Force sensitive.” She suggested with a grin as she gently sank to the ground. “It would certainly explain your skills as a pilot.”  
“My skills as a pilot were inherited from my mom and developed on my own.” He laughed, giving her a playful push as he sat across from her.  
“Hey, you never know.” She put her hands up in mock defense. “Luke Skywalker didn’t realize he was Force sensitive until he was 19. Same with Rey.”  
“Well, I think it’s too late for me by that logic.” He shook his head. “Not too late for you though.”  
For a second her heart stilled. “What? Me use the Force?”   
“Yeah, why not?” He smiled gently.  
Her brow knit together as the past flashed through her mind. “What part of me is remotely Jedi like?” She laughed bitterly.  
“Your presence, it’s soothing.” He said shyly. “Whenever I’ve had a panic attack, it feels like… like…” He stopped, thinking carefully before trying to word what he thought and felt. “When you calm me down, you try to ground me by touch, but it feels like you’re right there with me in my mind, instantly calming down.”  
“I believe that’s just your own mind recovering, Poe.” She shook her head. “The Force resides in all living things throughout the universe. Without it, we wouldn’t exist. So, while you suffered at the hand of the Dark Side, somewhere the Light Side is trying to restore the balance. One cannot exist without the other. You cannot have the day without the night. The Force works in mysterious, but continuous, ways.” When she caught his smile, she gave him a curious look. “What?”   
“Spoken like a Jedi.” He teased.   
“Hardly.” She rolled her eyes. “So, shall we work on mental defenses?”  
Straightening up, Poe nodded, though the playful glint remained in his eye. “Yes, Master Amidala.” It had been so long since she had heard those words, Nat had to bite back a sob that threatened to break free. “What do I do?”  
“Close your eyes, clear your mind.” She lifted a hand to stay in front of his face before gently lowering it, his eyes closing as she did so. “Don’t try to imagine anything specific just yet, try thinking of solid colours. Black or white would be best.”  
“Black shouldn’t be too hard. It’s all I can see with my eyes closed.” He muttered.  
“Cummon, Poe.” He could hear the exasperation in her voice. “Those two colours are the easiest to focus on to shut someone out because like you said., it’s all you can see with your eyes closed.”  
“But what about white?” He asked in confusion.  
“Blinding white hot pain.” She said straightforwardly. “Instead of trying to ignore the pain, focus on reflecting it back, whether to protect yourself or to inflict some sort of damage on the one attacking you. That takes a lot of training however, so we’ll stick to blocking probing.”  
“Why would you reflect it back though?” He asked in curiosity, trying to keep his mind empty.  
“Force, excuse my pun, is being exerted on your mind. That force has to go somewhere, why not return the favour for what they’re doing to you?” She replied, the venom in her voice making him shiver uncomfortably as his mind filled with thoughts once more, however, uncomfortable and unwelcome thoughts.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20  
Unfortunately, it appeared that for all the time they had practiced mental blocking that day, it did nothing against the nightmares that once again plagued Poe that night. For late in the night, Nat was shaken awake by a heartbroken Kes who had tried waking her in panic. When she finally did jolt to consciousness, she started to open her mouth to ask what was wrong when a familiar scream ran through the house, making her stomach drop in horror. “Poe…” She whispered, frozen to the spot.   
“He won’t stop.” Kes said, almost close to tears. “I can’t help him, but you can. You can help him in a way that I can’t.”  
Her eyes widening, she began to shake. “Kes…” She croaked, knowing what he was asking.   
“Natasha, I know you’re scared, but you have to trust him. He won’t hate you.” Kes spoke over his son’s screams. “Please, help him.”  
The corner of her eyes pricking, she dove past him out the open door and around the wall separating her’s and Poe’s rooms. There, Poe lay rigid, his blankets in a death grip as he howled in pain. Without a second thought, she clambered onto the bed and framed his sweaty face with her hands. “Poe, Poe sweetheart, I need you to calm down. You’re safe, it’s alright.” She cooed as she reached out into the Force, sensing the shards of his shattered mind. It would take time to piece those back together after what Kylo Ren had done, but for now the best she could do was soothe the tension and fear that consumed his mind. “I know, I know, it’s hard.” She murmured, shifting through the pieces. When she put some of those pieces together however, she let out a cry of pain herself. His memories of the torture, or the skull splitting agony of having his mind brutally invaded filled her own, breaking her heart all over again. As much as it pained both him and her to focus, she continued her work of persuading those images and feelings to be left alone for now, to calm and return to blissful and empty unconsciousness. Then finally, Poe’s whimpering stopped and he stilled, deep in slumber as his body relaxed.  
“Thank you.” Kes whispered, laying a hand on her shoulder.  
“I am so sorry.” She whispered, whether it was to him or his son, or both, he couldn’t say.  
“You know, after he got off of Jakku, he came here. He came home.” He told her.  
This evidently surprised her. “Really?” She asked, though not turning away from her friend.  
“Yeah.” He chuckled. “I never really got a chance to talk to him though because as soon as he here, he got word that BB-8 had been found. He had been happy, relieved to be home, but there was something wrong. He’s like Shara was, focused on the mission and not stopping. After the General told me what was going on, I’ll admit I begged her to him home. Then when she told me about you, we agreed it would be good to have you both here.”  
“Thank you.” She mumbled.  
They sat there in silence before he stood up, kissing the top of her head and stooping to kiss Poe’s forehead. With that, he left without another word.  
Nat however did not tear her gaze away from Poe. In her mind, the image of him beaten, bruised and restrained in that dark room while a gloved hand madly groped before his face kept replaying. Removing a hand from his cheeks, she quickly wiped away a tear of her own then brushed a stray curl from his forehead while her other hand continued to stroke his face. Unable to think of anything that wouldn’t make her break down, she quickly kissed his forehead and pulled away a few inches to whisper “Sleep well now, Poe.” With a slight smile, she got up and left the room as well. What she forgot however was BB-8 sitting in the corner of the room, watching what had just unfolded, and wondering.  
*  
The familiar feeling of BB-8 rolling into the bedpost roused Poe from his sleep, making him groan sleepily as he rolled onto his side to face his companion. “Hey Buddy. It’s alright. I’m awake.” He said groggily.   
What do you remember from last night? BB-8 asked.  
His brow furrowing in confusion, he thought back and found nothing of interest. “Nothing, should I?”  
You had nightmares last night. Your Dad couldn’t wake you up.  
“Okay.” He wasn’t sure where the droid was going with this.  
He went to get Nat and she got you to calm down. Even the tone of BB-8’s binary was curious, the data he had obtained hours ago not computing in a way that made sense.  
If he thought hard enough about it, while he felt the pain that had been quietly present in his mind since Jakku, it had lessened greatly. It was still present, however there was a strange touch of warmth surrounding the renewed and smoothed edges of his mind. “What did she do?” Poe asked carefully.  
She was touching your face and talking to you. Even kissed your forehead before she left.  
“That’s it?”  
She’s different. Was all BB-8 offered.  
“Yeah…” Poe said again, trying to piece things together, mainly, what was going on. When Kylo Ren had used the Force to enter his head, any and all walls Poe had built up were blown away. Since then, while he had been able to rebuild some of those walls, he clearly still struggled with the damage. When Nat came to the base and got to know him better however, looking back, he realized the nightmares were less frequent and he had a calmer mind. There was no way Nat could be… Could she?  
You should go wake her up, the ships need to be fueled up for tomorrow. BB-8 whistled before leaving the room.   
Clothing, behaviour, the way she spoke, even the air around her. Poe was beginning to get a good idea of what he wasn’t being told, he just had to figure out how to get the answer. Suddenly though, his head snapped up. “Wait, you said she kissed my head?” However, the droid was already long gone. Sighing, he got up and threw his clothes on. Be clever, his father had told him yesterday. So that’s what he would do today, be clever. Try and find out what was going on. Wandering over into Nat’s room, he felt a twinge of guilt of having to wake her up before he put his hands on her shoulders, gently shaking her. “Tasha, wake up.” He whispered, giving her a sharper shake.  
Groaning, she rolled over to look up at him sleepily. “Mhhh, yeah?” She mumbled, rubbing her eyes.  
Giving her an apologetic look, he sat next to her hip. “I hate to do this so early, but we gotta bring our ships to the old Rebel base.”  
“Why?” She stretched with a yawn.   
“We have to have them looked over and fueled up before leaving tomorrow.” He explained.  
“Alright, fair enough.” She conceded.  
“There’s also going to be a party tonight, Nar Nar always hosts them for the young people every other month. Would you like to go?” He offered.  
Her eyes narrowing slightly as she looked up at him, she frowned slightly. “Will I get a chance to nap at some point today?” She asked.  
“We’ll see if we can fit it in.” He teased.  
“Ugh, fine.” She said dramatically, though she threw him a grin as she got out of bed. “Flight gear?” She asked, bending over her suitcase.  
“You don’t have to. I’m not.” He told her. “You know, I had a funny dream last night.” Watching her closely, he noted how her movements stuttered slightly at this.   
“Oh?” Was all she said.  
“Yeah, I had a dream that a Jedi kissed my head and made everything better.” He carried on.  
There it was. While she continued to get things ready, her frame was stiff, and her shoulders tense. He might have hit a nerve just then, a nerve that was closely related to what she was hiding, and he might be closer to piecing together. How he would react when he would learn the truth however, that he wasn’t completely sure of.  
“Really?” She drawled. “Fixed everything with a kiss?” Throwing her unbrushed hair into a low ponytail, she walked with a slight grin on her face back to where he still sat on the bed.  
“You’d be surprised what a kiss can do.” He grinned back, grabbing her hand to press his lips to her knuckles, his eyes fixed on her face. To his surprise and pleasure, her face turned red as she cast her own gaze away, however, she did not pull her hand from his as she tried to breath normally. Pulling back, he stood in front of her, their hands clasped between their chests.   
Her blush quickly calming as she regained composure, that familiar cheeky look pulled at her mouth. “Yes, I’m sure.” She replied, leaning forwards to kiss his cheek before pulling away and returning to her suitcase.   
Behind her, he was smiling like an idiot. For as soon as her lips touched his skin, the familiar soothing feeling rushed through him, accompanied by a burning feeling; though the burning feeling he figured was from something entirely different. Turning, he’d admit that he was staring, not just studying her, as she had her back turned to him once again, but because of the shorts she had worn to bed, the bright pink 2-inch horizontal scar stood out on the back of her right calf. “Tasha?” He called.  
“Yeah?” She replied, tossing her clothes onto the bed.  
“What happened to your leg?”  
Knowing what he was talking about, she twisted to look down at the fresh scar. “Door closed on my leg, tore it through my pants. Pants are okay though.” Glancing at him, she smirked. “Getting an eyeful, huh? You’ll certainly get that in a moment.”  
Realizing she had to finish getting ready, he turned red as he moved to the bedroom door. “Oh, uhh, I’ll let you get ready.”   
Biting back a grin, she shrugged. “I don’t care, but whatever.”  
“You don’t- I’ll just see you outside.” He shook his head quickly as he rushed out the room, her laughter following him.   
Making his way into the living room, he paused when his father stood up from the sofa. “Hey, buddy. How are you feeling?” Kes asked in worry.  
“Fine, Dad.” Poe replied carefully.  
“BB-8 said you’re going to the old base to get ready for tomorrow?” Kes spoke just as carefully.  
“Yeah, then later tonight we’re going to go to Nar Nar’s party tonight. That okay?” Poe smiled slightly.  
“Yeah, that’s fine. Will you guys be home for dinner? I was planning on one last big meal.” Kes said, moving closer to the younger man.  
“And every meal you’ve made since we got here hasn’t been a big meal?” Poe laughed. “Don’t worry, we’ll be here.”   
“Good.” Kes noted, giving Poe a hug before moving past him. “I’ll be here when you get back. Have fun.”  
“Thanks, Dad…” Poe mumbled in confusion.   
Jumping slightly when something warm met his fingers, he turned to see Nat at his shoulder, grabbing his hand. “Shall we go?” She asked.  
“We shall.” He gave her a smile, tightening his newfound hold on her hand as they walked out of the house.   
*  
“Mom and Dad used to bring me here when I was a kid.” Poe said happily as they walked through the hangar once they had turned their ships in for work, being promised they would have them back within the hour. In the past half hour, they had been exploring the smaller temples and talking to those who stopped them. “After the Rebellion left the moon, this place was abandoned for a while before it was turned into a community centre after the fall of the Empire.”  
As he continued to walk and talk, Nat trailed behind before stopping and looking towards the opening of the hangar where a ship lifted off and flew away. The air here was warmer, more welcoming than when she had last been here. So as Poe’s voice began to fade to background noise, memories began to take over once more, like ghosts begging for attention.  
*  
“Are you sure you can trust them?” The older, well, older than her, man asked, his normally soft accented voice made sharp by her words and insinuation.  
“I fought with Rex during the Clone War, and I had taught Caleb from time to time when he was a child.” Natasha had replied as they made their way to the small freighter. “I would trust them with my life, as I trust you, Cassian.”  
This made him laugh slightly, partly out of amusement and confusion. “I’ve said this to you every mission we run together, but each time I read your file, it makes less and less sense.”  
“I know.” She grinned, patting R3’s dome as he rolled up to the two Rebels to join them.  
“That doesn’t clarify anything.” He muttered.  
“Are you asking the General to reveal her true identity again?” K-2SO asked his captain as Cassian, Natasha, and R3 boarded the ship. “I calculate there is a ten percent chance she will tell you the truth.”  
This surprised Cassian. “A ten percent chance, Kay?” He asked in surprise. “You usually tell me I have a zero percent chance. What changed?”  
“I would have thought it obvious.” The former Imperial droid stated. “We are seeing her old war friend and a Jedi she once taught. It is highly likely the subject will arise, forcing her to discuss it.”  
“Thanks, Kay.” She rolled her eyes, patting the droid’s chest as she walked by, sending a small jolt of energy through his circuits, making him shudder slightly.  
“That was uncalled for.” He retorted.  
“Let’s just get going.” Cassian sighed, sitting in the pilot’s chair, prepping them to leave.  
*  
“Tasha?”  
Blinking, she saw Poe looking at her in worry, his fingers pressed against her wrist, something she had not noticed while she was lost in thought. “Sorry.” She mumbled, shaking her head. “Memories again.”  
“Good memories?” He asked.  
Pulling her wrist from his hand so that she instead held his hand, she gave it a slight squeeze. “Yeah.” She confirmed, the faces of old friends fading away. “Good memories.”  
“Can I ask what the memories were about?” He asked.  
Keeping a hold of his hand, she tugged on it as she moved past him to continue on through the hangar. “A salty droid and a hardened soldier, both of whom were good friends.” She smiled slightly.   
“That must have made missions fun.” He laughed as he walked alongside her, their hands still tangled together.  
“It did.” Nat laughed as well. “I feel honoured to have known them in the short amount of time that I did.”  
Immediately his chuckles died away. “They’re gone now too?” He asked quietly.  
“We wouldn’t be here if they didn’t succeed in their mission.” She mumbled., tightening her hold on his hand again, one he returned. “They died heroes; not that that would have mattered to them. As long as they succeeded in their mission, that was all that mattered.”  
“Hey.” He stopped to step in front of her again. “Smile for me.”   
Her brow creasing in confusion, the corner of her mouth turned upwards slightly nonetheless. “Why?”  
“Because I don’t like seeing you sad.” He smiled at her, automatically earning a bright smile in return. “There we go.” He said in satisfaction. “Now cummon,” It was his turn to pull on his companion’s hand, leading her through the hangar in a run. “There’s something I want to show you.”  
“What is it?” She laughed as they raced through the halls.  
Shortly after, they slowed down and entered a room she instantly recognized, despite the change in fixtures. “This used to be the old control room.” Poe told her, now walking beside her rather than pulling on her arm.  
“Really?” She drew out in amusement.  
“Yeah.” He confirmed, either not noticing or caring about the tone in which she had replied with. Nudging her as they walked, he led her towards the holos lining the walls. “After the Empire fell and the Republic was gaining stability, this old command room was turned into a place to honour the heroes who served this base.   
At the end of the room, many children stood crowded around the young images of General Organa, her brother, Han Solo, Chewbacca, R2-D2 and C-3PO. The heroes that were lined up before them however is where Nat trailed behind, staring at the faces of those who made getting the Death Star plans possible. She recognized a few of the faces, some of the soldiers who had volunteered for the team, however she only recognized them in passing. Of the leaders of the team, the former Imperial cargo pilot was personally unfamiliar to her, while the two Guardians were fleetingly familiar to her. She had met them briefly a long time ago before the Clone Wars, but they were faces she recognized nonetheless. The woman was another fleeting memory; however, it was the two next to the holo of the woman that made her stop.  
“Natasha!”   
Her hand flinching towards her belt, she looked away from Cassian’s face to look at Poe. “What?” She said in a harsh tone.  
“I keep losing you today!” His happy tone seemed impenetrable. “Come here!” He grabbed her hand to pull her away from Rogue One’s holos and towards the holos surrounded by children. Throwing her gaze down briefly, she saw already Han Solo’s date of death was listed beneath his image. “Could you imagine if Rey is able to convince Master Skywalker to come back? To have a Jedi back on our side?”  
“We already have one.” She stuttered under her breath, shocking herself with the sudden admission.  
Poe was shocked as well as his heart skipped a beat. “What did you say?” He half laughed, unsure of if he had misheard her. He had planned to be clever today, but he didn’t intend to be in this moment.  
“I said we already have one.” She repeated a little louder, though only loud enough for him to hear.  
“What do you mean, we already have one?”  
Opening her mouth to reply, Nat never had the chance to reply as Poe’s comm went off. “Mr. Dameron? Your ships are fueled and ready for you.”  
Not taking his eyes off the redhead, he fetched the comm from his pocket and spoke into it. “Thanks, we’ll be right there.” He confirmed. Stowing the comm away once more, he stepped around her to leave the memorial room. “Let’s go home.” He mumbled.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21  
Despite it being a short flight back to the homestead, Nat was quick to fall into a panic attack, leaving R3 to pilot Rover the entire way as Nat struggled to breath properly, her helmet cast onto the floor. The poor astromech tried his best to comfort his old friend, however to no avail. Once the two ships touched down on the Dameron property, R3 quickly dropped down from his compartment to race over to Poe and BB-8 as they got out of Black One.  
Poe, I’m worried Natasha is going to pass out. R3 screeched once he was close enough.  
At this, Poe’s face fell into concern. “Why do you say that, Buddy?” He asked.  
She started to have a panic attack once we left the old base, and she’s still hyperventilating in the Rover. R3 explained. She has never passed out from a panic attack before, but this time I’m worried. Please help her!  
“Okay, go have my Dad on standby just in case something goes wrong. I should be able to handle it, but I want to be prepared.” Poe ordered before running to the other black X-Wing. Scrambling up the side, he slammed the emergency hatch release button, allowing the canopy to open and him to slip into the cockpit. As he did so, a small part of his mind was surprised at how roomy it was inside the ship, how both he and Nat were both able to fit, although it was still a tight fit. “Natasha, cummon. I need you to calm down.” He told her loudly so she could hear him over her laboured breathing, though he kept his tone level. “Look at me,” He cupped her face in his hands to gently tilt her head so he could look her in the eye. “See? I’m calm. I know you’re scared, and I’ll be honest with you, I don’t understand why you’re so scared. But this, we have to get this under control before you hurt yourself, and I don’t want you to get hurt. That’s the last thing I want to see. That’s the last thing any of us want to see.” Suddenly she went completely still, her red rimmed eyes meeting with his in terror. Carefully raising his arms as best he could in the confined space, he began to lean forwards when she lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his shoulder as she hid her face in his neck. As best as he could, he tightened his arms around her as he switched their positions, allowing him to sit in the flight chair with her cradled in his lap. “Do you trust me?” He murmured.  
“Always.” She whispered shakily, evidently still teetering on the edge of tears.  
Gently stroking the back of her head, he continued to murmur reassurances to help calm her. When she finally seemed calm enough, he pressed his cheek against her forehead. “How about we get out of here? Give you a little more room to breath, huh?”  
Nodding against him, she slowly got up as best she could before climbing up out of the cockpit. When she dropped off the edge of the ship, he smiled to himself before climbing out as well, following suit and jumping down to the ground. “Thank you.” Nat mumbled when he turned to smile at her, though that smile instantly faded at her saddened demeanour.   
Taking her hands in his, he pulled her a little closer so that they were almost toe to toe. “You said we already have one, we already have a Jedi. You were talking about yourself, right?”  
“Mhmm.” She hummed lowly.  
“But why would you keep that a secret? That’s incredible!” He exclaimed, scooping her up in a hug to spin her around. “Now we have an even better chance against the First Order! Three people who can use the Force, ground fights will be so much easier- flying! No wonder you’re such an incredible pilot, you have quick reflexes!” He suddenly stopped his rambling, smiling when he saw the amused expression on her face. “What?” He asked.  
“I just wasn’t expecting… this.” She waved a hand towards his body.  
“Well how did you think I would react?” He asked in confusion.   
“I thought you’d hate me.” She mumbled.  
At this, Poe’s eyebrows raised in shock. “Why would I hate you of all people, Natasha Amidala?”  
“Because Kylo Ren tortured you.” She lifted her gaze to meet his.   
This time, it was his turn to freeze. That was the last response he expected. “How could I hate you for being the complete opposite of what that monster is? You’re one of my best friends! Yes, you have the same abilities as he has, but you have the heart and mind not to do what… what he did, what he does. I know that. If anything, knowing you’re a Jedi makes you even more special to me than you already were.”  
“You’re special to me too, Poe.” She smiled slightly.  
“Well, that’s a relief.” He teased before pulling her into a hug and dropping them to the ground, making her shriek in laughter as he brought her into his lap again. “It’s been you, hasn’t it? Helping me at night with my nightmares? BB-8 said you helped last night. When you weren’t sleeping for a while back on base, you were keeping the nightmares at bay, weren’t you?” He asked in realization.  
“You were hurting.” She whispered. “I couldn’t stand it.”  
“But you were hurting yourself in the process.” He replied. “I can’t stand that.”  
Sniffling, she sighed. “The difference is that I can feel your pain.”  
“What is that like? To be able to feel… everything?” He asked.  
“It was overwhelming at first as a kid, but you learn to control it over time.” She whispered, a hand curling around the collar of his shirt as she rested her head against his shoulder.  
“What do you feel right now?” He asked.  
“Well…” She closed her eyes. “The first thing I can sense is you. You’re all warm and fast energy, but it’s calm, soothing, familiar. The Force tree is certainly an energy that makes its presence known. I could feel it as soon as we got closer and closer the day we arrived. That too is familiar. Then if I reach out I can feel the hum of the planet beneath us, the number of lives that exist here. Just… I can feel so much if I focus.”  
“Wow…” He sighed, shifting his arms around her waist as she rested her head against his shoulder. “Did you come back because of Luke Skywalker? Did Leia tell you we had the map?”  
“I found out about what happened, yes.” She confirmed. “I felt it too.”  
“Why didn’t you come to help us before though?” He asked, his voice a little smaller as he thought back over the course of events that led up to the completion of the map.  
Feeling her head move against his shoulder, he looked down to see her looking at him with guilt. “Because I didn’t know what was going on at the time.” She whispered. “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s not your fault, sweetheart.” He promised, giving her a tired smile. “It probably all would have happened the same way either way. Hey, when was the last time you saw Skywalker?”  
30 years ago. She thought to herself. “Oh, a long time ago.” She mumbled.   
“You know, I get what you mean now by everyone died. Surviving something like the Knights of Ren slaughtering the Jedi must be traumatising.”  
It was in that moment Nat remembered that there was a second slaughter the Jedi had faced, not just the one she had directly lived through. Although, she wasn’t quite ready to tell Poe how old she really was here. Admitting she was a Jedi was the first step, she’d tell him the whole truth eventually. Just not right now. So instead, she just selfishly clutched him a little tighter and hummed again in agreement.   
Across the yard, Kes stood by the doors with BB-8 and R3, watching the two pilots curled up on the ground together. Looking down at R3, Kes smiled. “I take it she told him the truth?”  
A part of it. The part she was scared of the most. R3 chirped, the translation appearing on Kes’s wrist commlink.  
Is Nat a Jedi? BB-8 asked curiously.   
Yes. R3 replied.  
“And that’s all she’s told him so far?” Kes asked the red and silver astromech.  
So far. R3 confirmed.  
What, there’s more? BB-8 squealed in surprise.  
“There is,” Kes said, looking at the small droid before looking back to Nat and his son. “But this is a start. This is a start.”  
*  
Later that afternoon, Nat worked with the two Dameron men in the kitchen to prepare dinner, with very little conversation being exchanged, or at the very least, short lived.   
“Hey, Tasha? Can you pass me that plate?” Poe asked as he poured broth over the meat, not turning to face her.  
The smell of vanilla wafted faintly over the smell of dinner as Nat walked over and put a plate down next to the stove. “Here you go.” She said quietly before going back to work cutting vegetables across the small kitchen.  
Somewhat disappointed, he stopped what he was doing and sighed. “Aww…”  
At this, both Nat and his father turned to look at him in confusion. “What’s wrong?” She asked.  
“I was hoping you’d use the Force to give it to me.” He replied.   
“I told you he wouldn’t be scared of you.” Kes nudged her.  
“I know…” She muttered meekly, trying to turn back to the task at hand.  
“Can you show me something? Please?” Poe begged, going up to rest his chin on her shoulder.  
“You’ve seen it work before.” She said quietly, trying to dissuade him from what he wanted. “You see it at work all the time.”  
“I’ve never seen you use it before though.” He replied, confusion lacing his voice. Behind them, Kes simply chuckled as he took over the task his son had abandoned.  
“Sparring? Flight practice?” She listed off. “The tree healing?”  
“Thanks for that again, by the way.” Kes said.  
“You’re welcome.” She smiled, rolling her eyes when she felt Poe rest more of his weight against her.  
“What about making things move? Swinging around a lightsaber?” He almost whined, sounding like a child.  
“There’s more to being a Jedi than those things.” She explained, crossing her arms and she turned around to lean against the counter.  
“Yeah, but…” He mumbled, backing away.  
“Jedi were keepers of the peace, not soldiers.” She straightened up, a stoic look coming over her features.  
“But your training-”  
“I started my Jedi training later in life than the Masters liked, but I had military training before, during and after through various units separate from the Jedi. That was simply by unfortunate circumstances in life.” She clarified catching Kes’s eye as he looked at her in curiosity and amusement. “And what is also unfortunate is that evil and darkness continue to fight and take over, leaving small pockets of peace and light.”  
Suddenly Poe’s vision was obstructed as a dish towel landed on his head, covering his face. Nat’s laughter was joined by his father’s and the amused binary chuckles of the astromechs in the corner of the room before he also began to laugh. Taking the towel off his head, he balled it up. “Ha, very funny.” He said, tossing it gently across the kitchen towards Nat.  
With a flick of her wrist however, the cloth froze in mid-air, hovering between them. Looking around it to see Poe’s wide eyed and amazed look, she grinned. “Satisfied?”   
“Yes.” He breathed.  
Her grin relaxing in relief, she twitched a finger and sent the cloth flying at Kes’s face, which easily batted to the floor. “You two think you’re funny, don’t you?” He mocked teasingly.  
“She did it.” Poe said through his laughter, pointing a finger at Nat. Instantly he got the towel flicked into his face, increasing the laughter in the room.  
*  
Dinner passed quickly, ensuring everyone could visit and rest for one of the last times before the departure the next day, and before Nat and Poe went to the dance a few settlements over. Sitting on the couches in the living area, Kes sat diagonally from Poe while Nat shared a couch with Poe, stretched out on the couch with her head in his lap. As they talked, he absentmindedly played with her hair while Kes watched in amusement. Off to the side, BB-8 and R3 quietly whistled to each other.  
“A Jedi. I still can’t believe it.” Poe mumbled, loosely braiding locks of her hair before combing his fingers through it. “I never would have guessed.”  
“But you did. You figured it out this morning.” She mumbled sleepily. “You just waited for me to reveal it myself. I knew what you were doing today, I just didn’t think I’d let it slip.”  
“I’m sorry.” He cooed, taking his free hand to hold one of her hands, which she twisted to cradle to her chest.  
“Oh, like I could be mad at you.” She closed her eyes and smiled.  
“I’m assuming you have your Lightsaber somewhere nearby.” Kes grinned after clearing his throat.  
At the mention of a Lightsaber, Poe’s grip tightened in excitement. “A Lightsaber? You have a Lightsaber?”  
Nat snorted. “Obviously. R3, come here please?” She motioned for her companion to come closer. Letting go of Poe’s hand and sitting up, leaving him feeling cold, she reached out to R3 as soon as he was close enough. On his body, a little door opened so the droid could extend an arm and pass her a silver and gold cylinder, earning a murmured thank you in return.  
“Is that it?” Poe leaned in close, studying the old weapon in her hand.   
“What kind of a reveal were you expecting? Lights, music and fireworks?” She asked, rolling her eyes.  
“Can I see?” He whispered.  
“Sure.” She shrugged, handing it to him.  
As soon as it was in his hands, his eyes widened in surprise. “Wow. It’s heavier than I expected.”  
This comment made a bitter smile pull at the corner of her mouth. “It’s terribly well balanced, though.”   
“Hmm…” He hummed, bringing the hilt up to study it closer. Years of wear and tear had chipped at and smoothed down the metal of the hilt, and while most of the hilt was silver, the grip of it was black, while dulled gold detailing decorated the cylinder, whether as shapes, lines or rings. Where the glowing blade would be emitted, a gold ring lined the edge of the small bell. The bell itself was small enough that it only created a lip over the rest of the hilt, rather than cover her hand when she’d wield it, whether he’d actually get to see her wield it was another matter. At the bottom end of the hilt was a raised symbol of a triangle with a circle above it. “What’s this?” He murmured, running his fingers over the stamped sign.  
“Symbol for my planet. The decoration was frowned upon by the council, but I didn’t care.” She explained, leaning in close to his side.   
“It’s beautiful, the whole thing.” He said.  
“Can you guess what colour the blade is?” She asked with a slight smile as she took the weapon from him.  
What were you thinking?   
Aqua, purple, or green.  
Why those colours?  
No reason.  
Green, that was the colour on her X-Wing.  
Purple, that was the colour on her helmet.  
“Aqua.” He replied, smiling at her stunned expression when he made his guess.  
“How did you know that?” Was all she asked.  
“When we were working on your ship, you listed off three colours; aqua was the only one you haven’t used.” He explained. “Unless you have a red blade.”   
Pressing a gold button, the glowing aqua blade sprang forth from the hilt, bathing them in the bluish green glow. “No, you’re right.”  
“That’s beautiful, Natasha.” Kes said, studying the blade from afar.  
“Thank you.” She beamed. “Lightsabers are traditionally blue or green in colour. To have a different colour was very rare. One Master had a purple blade, another had an ice blue blade that looked white, guards had yellow blades, there was even the Dark Saber. The varieties were there, just not common. My spares however are purple, or amethyst as some would say, and green.”  
“You have more than one Lightsaber?” Poe asked in shock.  
“Some Jedi fought with more than one blade, carried two blades.” She shrugged. “I was considered selfish and greedy for having more than two, but because I didn’t use it often, some simply overlooked it. Besides, I just called it having insurance. Force knows my brother lost enough Lightsabers.”  
“The rules sound ridiculously strict.” Kes said, leaning back in his seat.  
“I always thought so. Believe me, I have an entire volume of rules.” She agreed, passing the active Saber to Poe, the hum fluctuating gently as it was moved. When it was in his hand, he simply looked up at the glowing blade in awe, instead of moving it around. “You alright?” She nudged him gently.  
“It’s beautiful.” Was all he could breath.  
“I’m glad you think so.” She whispered back.  
“Do you use it anymore?” He asked, carefully passing it back.  
Turning it off and leaving the room almost darker than it was before, she shook her head. “No. I’m sure you can imagine why though.”  
“That’s true.” He agreed. “Will I get to see you use it one day?”  
“I’ll show you some tricks one day, yes.” She gave the weapon back to R3. “Finn too when he wakes up.”  
“I remember on Endor-” Kes began to say before abruptly cutting off, avoiding the panicked look on Nat’s face that his son missed. “Master Skywalker used his Lightsaber a couple of times. He was still learning back then. Now come on, you two have to get ready for the party, it’ll be starting soon.”  
“Hope you’re prepared.” R3 whistled as he trundled towards the hallway.   
Throwing herself off the couch, Nat made a noise of discontent. “You know I am.” She retorted as they disappeared down the hall and into their room.  
Upon hearing the bedroom door close, Poe and Kes looked at each other. “If you don’t pull something tonight…” Kes began to murmur teasingly.  
“I dunno, Dad. There’s been a pretty big change already today alone.” Poe hissed back in panic.   
“You’re not wrong there. Just have fun, then.” Kes sat back and laughed. “Go. Get ready.”


	22. Chapter 22

Please note, there is a mention of sexual assault in this chapter. So by all means, if this makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip this chapter.   
*

Chapter 22

"Well, what do you think?" Poe asked his father, rounding the corner into the living room in a leather jacket, plain shirt, pants and boots.

"Handsome as always." Kes nodded in approval.

"Casual yet seductive?" Poe laughed, giving a twirl with his arms spread wide.

"It's all in the leather." Kes agreed.

"I guess Nat's still getting ready?" Poe asked as he looked out the glass door to the fading light.

Kes opened his mouth to reply when a muffled shout caught their attention. "Poe! Should I wear the bodice or no?" Nat called out.

His brow furrowing, Poe thought for a moment before shouting back. "Is it black and form fitting?" He asked knowingly.

There was a beat of silence before she replied hesitantly. "Maybe?"

"Then no." He replied with a grin and a shake of the head. There was a thud from her bedroom as she most likely threw the piece of clothing to the floor. "Are you almost ready?" He called again.

"Yeah, but can you do me a favor?" She asked, the bedroom door hissing open as she stepped out into the hall, though still out of sight.

"What's that?"

"Don't look at me in the cliché way that the boys always do in books and the movies." Her voice was quiet as she replied

"Uh, okay? Cummon, we're gonna be late, let's get a look at you." He replied in confusion, eyeing his father curiously, and earning a shrug in return.

Very quietly, Nat's boots sounded against the carpet as she shyly stepped around the corner and into the living room. "Well?" She asked. Poe could only stare at her in shock however; he had only ever seen her in uniform and everyday clothes, but never dressed up like this. Reaching her ankles, the purple dress that hugged every curve of her torso before flowing downwards, swishing as she swayed on the spot, tugging nervously at the light purple transparent sleeves. When he didn't reply, she peeked up at him. "You're doing it." She murmured.

"Doing what?" He replied, slightly dazed.

"Staring at her like she's the only thing in the room." His father noted in recognition, looking between the two.

Realizing how ridiculous he probably looked to the others, he worked his mouth for a moment. "You, uh, you look amazing." Poe said, clearing his throat with difficulty, trying to ease her shyness.

"I had to fix it in places, but it looks passable." She noted, smoothing down the fabric covering her torso. "I haven't worn this since Camelot. And that was a long time ago."

"Passable?" He scoffed. "It's perfect."

Her face flushing further, he was about to say something else in an attempt to ease her embarrassment when she gave him a wicked smirk. "You don't look so bad yourself, Pilot." She told him.

"I thought I looked pretty good." He winked at her.

"Great, someone lucky girl or guy is gonna snatch him up for the night and I'll have no ride home." She crossed her arms and shook her head as she spoke to Kes.

"Actually, I was going to ask if you'd mind walking there?" He suggested. "It's about a twenty minute walk. And besides, the only girl I look at leaving that party tonight with is you." He gave her a big grin.

"Oh god, stop it." She groaned, smacking his arm as he laughed. "Yeah, we can walk. That's fine. But are you sure you don't want us to stay in for the night, Kes? With it being our last night here-"

"I'll be fine here, I promise." Kes waved off her concerns. "Go, celebrate and relax. You never know when you'll have a chance to do that again."

"And you don't know when you'll see Poe next." She insisted gently.

Smiling at her, he put his hands on her shoulders. "My son is just like his mother was, he always comes back to me." He said, looking to Poe to give him a smile, receiving a sad smile in response. "I do want to take a holo of you two before you go though."

"Oh god." She hung her head in embarrassment.

"Oh cummon, Tasha." Poe teased, joining her side as his father readied his datapad to take the recording.

"Fiiiiine…" She dragged out, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"That's the spirit!" He laughed, wrapping an arm around his waist to pull her close, pecking her cheek in the process.

"You're ridiculous." She shook her head with a smile.

"I know." He smiled back at her.

"How about you two look here?" Kes teased them, earning cheeky grins from the pair. Lowering his datapad, he waved them off. "Okay, now go. Be young, party, don't do anything I wouldn't have done at your ages."

"Thanks, bye Dad!" Poe said in excitement, hauling Nat behind him as he ran out of the house.

"Bye, Kes!" Nat's voice ghosted into the main room from the front yard as she was quickly pulled away.

Looking down at the silver and red astromech, Kes held out his data pad knowingly. "You two might be interested in saving this holo, could be useful."  
*

"I should have known you'd have boots on." Poe chuckled as they broke the treeline and approached the building the party was being hosted in. Clearly inside the party was in full swing as soft changing lights were seen glowing in the windows and music could be faintly heard from within.

"Oh, I figured that's why you asked if we could walk." She replied.

"Well, dancing should be interesting tonight then." He teased, squeezing her hand.

Glancing down at their hands, which had been linked the entirety of their walk, she gave him a curious look. "You plan on getting me dancing?" She asked.

I don't want to let go of you, was the response in his head, but instead, he just gave her a cheeky smile. "Of course." He replied instead.

"I might know a wee bit of a dance or two from home, but really, I don't know how to dance." She insisted.

"I'll show you how." He promised with a gentle smile as they walked into the building. Allowing her to wander forwards on her own, he watched the slim view of her face that he had as she looked around the room in wonder, taking everything about their new environment in. "What do you think?" He whispered, putting his hands on her shoulder, his warm breath against her ear.

"It's beautiful." She said, looking around the busy room. The room was filled with a soft lavender light with spots of blue and yellow lights at different tables lining the dance floor at the centre of the room. For her, it was just as otherworldly in here as it was outside with the gas giant looming in the night sky over the moon they stood on.

"It is." He agreed, gingerly moving to wrap his arms around her waist, his chin on her shoulder as he too looked around.

"So." She crossed her arms to rest her hands on top of his arm and leaned back against him slightly, swaying slightly in time to the music. "Now what?"

"Why don't we find a table and sit for a moment?" He suggested, looking for a free table. Small round tables covered with white table cloths lined three of the perimeter of the room, framing the dance floor while buffet tables lined the back wall. On the dance floor, various people talked and danced, jumping and twirling around in any matter they wanted as one flowing mass. "We walked for a while, so let's rest before we do anything."

"You feeling alright, old man?" She laughed, pulling away from his hold to take his hand in hers once more as she led them through the crowd and to an empty table near the far corner of the room. "Can't handle long walks anymore?"

"That's rich coming from you." He snorted.

"Well, you are a victory kid." Nat said cheekily. "Kinda getting up there in age."

"Well, so are you." Poe retorted.

"No, I'm not. I'm a couple years younger than you, remember old man?" She smugly reminded him as they sat at the table.

That stopped him for a moment. How easily he forgot that. Though, they had certainly seen and done enough in their careers that it most certainly aged them quickly in comparison to others their ages. "Right." He mumbled as they sat down.

Studying his dropped expression, she reached under the table to put a hand on his knee. "I'm sorry." She mumbled.

His eyes snapping to hers, he went to squeeze her hand. "You don't have to apologize, I was just thinking." He told her.

"About what?" She shifted her chair closer.

"Do you ever feel old?" He leaned forwards. "After everything you've done, seen, experienced?"

"I believe we've had this discussion before." She laughed after a moment of thought.

"Have we?" His brow crinkled in confusion.

"Just before you carried my ass to bed from the infirmary." She reminded him.

"I feel old. I've seen and done far too much. I can't sleep at night because my head is constantly racing, never resting."

"You have to try, Tasha. Find something to ease your mind."

"I can't. I worry too much."

"We did, didn't we?" He remembered. "Guess I have your answer then."

"Mhh." She hummed, leaning back. "I do feel old sometimes. But apparently, I'm not allowed to, according to some older people. I'm not allowed to be tired, to have a bad knee; that I'm too young to experience, think or feel certain things."

"Times are changing." He noted.

"They've been changing for the last sixty-eight years." She amended, people, places, and events flashing in her mind.

"Yeah…" He agreed.

Suddenly Nat sat up straight, looking over and past his shoulder. "Food." She said, focused on the buffet table across the room.

Turning to look at himself, he chuckled as he reached over to pull her to her feet. "Cummon then, let's get some."

"You go first, I'll save the table." She told him, trying to pull her hand from his.

"It's okay," He assured her. "People have seen us sit here, they won't take it."

"Okay…" She said, clearly not believing him.

"It'll be okay." He laughed, leading her around the outskirts of the dance floor to the food table. "Now, I know we just ate, so, did you want to try any of the main dishes or just go straight for the dessert?"

"Dessert." Nat breathed deeply, eyes wide as she hurried towards the end of the table. Joining her, Poe grabbed a disposable plate to hand to her before grabbing one of his own and begun piling Koyo on it. Seeing this, she bit back a smile. "Bit of an obsession there, Poe?" She asked.

Stopping to look over, he eyed his plate before looking at hers. Sheepishly, he then put some of the fruit from his plate of to hers. "Sorry?" He offered.

"You're funny." She noted, looking over the food.

"He's always been that way." A woman's voice piped up from behind them. "It's only because his Dad grows them that he's addicted."

Both turning around at the voice, Poe swallowed the food in his mouth quickly before he broke out into a wide smile. "Brant! Soraya!" He exclaimed, putting his plate down to quickly grab both the man and woman into a group hug.

"You didn't think we'd let you leave with just one quick visit in the market, did you Buddy?" Brant laughed, clapping Poe on the back as he hugged his old friend back.

Letting the two go, Poe rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry, I- we just…"

"We get it, you're a hero now, or so we hear." Soraya teased him. "We do keep up with the holonews you know. Get your well deserved rest while you can."

"Tasha, you remember Brant and Soraya from the market?" Poe gestured to his friends. "Brant, Soraya, this is Natasha. She's one of our Generals."

"Is that really something you want to be saying in public?" Nat murmured in worry.

"Who are they going to tell, the trees?" He nudged her teasingly. "They're safe."

"Sorry. And yes, I remember them. We met both times we went to the market, yes?" She reached out to shake their hands.

"Yes, we did." Brant confirmed. "Why don't you come sit with us at our table so we can talk. Something tells me you won't be sticking around for much longer."

Turning around, Poe quickly piled various treats on his and Nat's plates before thrusting Nat's plate into her hands and nudging her forwards to follow the couple. "No, we're leaving tomorrow." He explained as they made their way to a table across the room and sat down there. "Just needed some quick R&R before going back to work."

"Well based on everything we've heard, you've been going non-stop since joining the Resistance." Soraya noted.

"You could say that." Poe agreed.

"And what about you, Natasha? A General, huh?" Brant asked in curiosity. "That's pretty impressive for someone so young."

Looking down briefly, Nat offered him a slight smile. "It's not as incredible as you think. Unfortunately, it was pretty common place at the time. I was with another unit long before the Resistance, and there was a sudden need for Generals. Those who were deemed near ready were… promoted. Very messy."

"Life usually is." Soraya observed. "Doesn't sound easy, I'm sorry."

"You're right. But what can one do but celebrate the happy times." Nat said. "Speaking of which, if you don't mind my asking, how long have you two been engaged?"

Looking at her in shock, Poe glanced at his childhood friends' fingers. Sure enough, they both had engagement rings on their hands. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked in surprise. "I mean, congratulations, but why didn't I know?"

"Because it happened just yesterday." Brent laughed. "We figured we'd see you here tonight, so don't worry. We weren't not going to tell you."

"You two will be coming to the ceremony when the time comes, right?" Soraya asked.

Looking to Nat, he smiled before turning back. "Send my Dad the details when you have them and he can send them to us. Hopefully we can come."

"Are you sure you want me there?" Nat asked hesitantly.

"Of course! Poe needs to bring a plus one, and who else is he going to bring, BB-8?" Soraya laughed.

"Fair, although I'm sure BB-8 is a wonderful dance partner." Nat joked as well, visibly relaxing.

"Oh, are you just going to take that, Poe?" Brant asked, nodding at Poe.

Poe shook his head with a grin. "Hey, she might sign my paycheck for all I know, I'm not risking fighting back."

"My job isn't sign your paycheck, it's to fly better than you." Nat gave him a wicked grin, earning a chorus of ooooh's from their companions.

"I'll believe it when I actually see you fly a mission and not in practice." He retorted.

"Is that so?" She asked incredulously.

"Yeah." He replied, leaning forwards.

"Wow, get a room you two." Soraya waggled her eyebrows knowingly.

"I actually planned on getting her on the dance floor first." He turned to her.

"Oooh, lucky girl." She winked at Nat.

"Okay! I'm going to get a drink. I'll get one for you too, Pilot." Nat rushed to her feet to easily dart through the crowd once again.

"You two are obviously into each other." Brant noted.

"And?" Poe leaned back, beginning to once again shovel Koyo into his mouth. "Like I said, she's my boss. She's a General. Is that really the best idea?"

Is that really the best idea?

She heard him, and he was right, Nat knew that. There were far too many complications, old and new. The best she could do, the best they could do, was to let things be in seeing where it would go, what would happen. She was so deep in thought that she didn't sense a figure getting closer to the table as she poured their drinks.

"Hello there."

Nat's stomach dropped when the voice sounded at the corner of the table. Cautiously looking over, she saw one of the last people she wanted to encounter tonight. Returning to the task at hand, she gave a small courteous nod. "Hello, Ganactu."

"Ah, so glad to see you remember me." He said proudly, puffing his chest slightly. "Because you see, I haven't forgotten about you."

I wish you would. She thought to herself, though she held her tongue for fear that something might happen. "Are you enjoying the party?"

Leaning against the table and making it slide harshly into the wall and the drinks slosh in the serving bowls, Ganactu clearly missed the dirty look Nat shot at him as he looked around the room. "Not really, I was about to leave when I saw you. That's when I remembered I don't have to leave alone." He gave her a menacing smile. Whether or not he thought it was a charming grin, she didn't want to know.

"I'll have to decline the invitation, thank you." She said carefully. Picking up the glasses for herself and Poe, she gave him one last nod. "Enjoy the rest of your night."

Although she began to walk away, a large hand quickly wrapped around her arm to tightly yank her back, making her stumble and drop the drinks in the process. As the glass shattered on the hardwood floor, she shuddered when she felt the man pressed against her back. "Now, you're going to keep quiet, and we're going to leave all quiet like. I was set on having some fun tonight, and you're going to be the entertainment."

"Let go of me." She struggled to keep her voice level as she planted her feet, not allowing him to pull her any further.

"Why? So you can run to Dameron?" He scoffed, attempting to yank on her arm again. "I don't think so. That skyboy is worthless, always has been and always will. I don't know why you bother. Now, I'm going to hook up a power coupling, and you're going to help me. Even if you're not interested."

Red Zero.

When the words suddenly rung out crystal clear in Poe's head, he straightened up in alert. He had never heard her say those words before, so why would they randomly form in his head? That's when he remembered, Nat is a Jedi, she had touched his mind before in order to calm his nightmares. So why would she do so now, asking for immediate extraction when they were at a party. Looking around from his seat, he felt as though the air had been punched out of him when he caught a glimpse through the dancing crowd of Nat struggling against a clearly intoxicated Ganactu.

"Sorry, guys. I've missed you but I gotta go." He said to the group around the table almost absentmindedly as he scrambled to stand.

"Is everything okay?" Soraya asked in concern.

"No." Was all he managed as he began to push through the crowd towards his friend. Dimmly he could hear his old friends making some sort of noise in horror before they began to scramble after him. They had suffered bullying at Ganactu's hand as well when they were kids, but having never left the planet, they knew better than him how much worse the man was now. As he got closer, over the music he could hear her boots struggling on shattered glass as she tried to free herself from the oafs grasp, asking again and again that he let her go. By the time he had breached the crowd and was moments away from trying haul Ganactu off of Nat when there was whirl of purple fabric and a yowl of pain before the party suddenly came to a stop. When the room stilled an instant later, there was Ganactu on the floor, lying in a small pool of blood combined with punch and broken glass. Various gaping gashes were littered his hands, face, and arms; though none of them lethal. Above him, Nat stood with her bloody vibro blade humming in hand, her stance ready to strike again if he moved towards her again. All eyes were on the scene in shock as she was sure the vile man would stay down before she straightened up.

"Go back to your drinks." She ordered coldly, putting her blade back into its concealed sheath. Stepping over the man still screaming in pain, without meeting his concerned eye she marched over to Poe and grabbed his hand, dragging him out of the building and back towards home.

"Natasha, Natasha talk to me. Are you alright, did he hurt you?" He asked, running to keep up with her.

"Poe Dameron if I see that man again the next slash will be going in his throat." She told him, her voice wavering, though still threatening as they tromped through the dark worn paths.

"Hey, I didn't know he was going to be there, I'm sorry. If I had known I would have stayed with you, or we wouldn't have come at all." He tried to sooth her fury.

"Stay home? And what, hide?" She stopped to turn and scream at him. "I'm not going to sit at home and hide just because one creep tried to get handsy with me. No one person is going to be responsible for succeeding in tearing me down."

In the dim light, he could make out the tears racing down her face as she stood before him gasping for breath. She wasn't angry, she was scared. She was terrified. Though he wanted nothing more than to pull her close, he slowly held his arms out to her. "Can I?" He asked gently.

Stilling for a minute, her resolve crumbled quickly as she fell into him, her arms wrapped around his neck. Trying as best as he could to support her, he ended up letting them collapse to the ground as she cried against him. Gathering her up in his arms as best and as close as he could, he could not find the proper words to comfort her. He truly did feel as though this were his fault, so what could he say to properly apologize? They had gone to have fun, to enjoy one more night of safety and security, and it was ruined. "I'm sorry." Was all he could manage.

"I want to go home." She hiccupped against his neck. "I just want to go home."

"Okay." He agreed, combing his fingers through her hair. "Let's go home."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

They had stayed relatively silent on the way home, once again walking hand in hand. But when she began to start sniffling again, he sighed, making her hand slacken in his. Noticing this, he squeezed it reassuringly. “I’m not upset with you, or disappointed, or whatever you think that sigh meant. I’m just worried.” He explained.

“Why?” She mumbled.

“About what happens next.” He said, rather unsure if that was the correct answer.

“What about what happens next?” She asked in confusion.

“Ganactu’s family is… well… he was never given any trouble for what he did or said to any of us when we were kids; to his family he was always the innocent party, an angel. If anything, I’m sure that hasn’t changed, and I’m just worried they’ll come after you.” He admitted.

“An angry parent, that I can deal with.” She promised. “But what he did tonight, or what could have happened, that has never happened to me before. All the places I’ve been to, that’s never happened before…”

“That’s my other worry; are you going to be okay?” He asked, stopping them on the edge of the forest, the dark house outlined in the night just ahead.

“I think so, I just wanna go to bed.” She looked towards the house. “Night’s been kind of ruined, so I just want this day to be over.”

“We still have a couple hours left though, we have time to make the night a little better.” He insisted.

“Poe,” She pleaded, making him stop. Squeezing his hand, she let her head drop to the side slightly. Seeing he wasn’t going to argue anymore, she stepped away. “I’m sorry. Good night.”

Remaining rooted to the spot, he watched as she walked across the yard and into the house. Feeling cold suddenly, he shoved his hands into his pockets. Clearly, she was still shaken, and he didn’t want her going to sleep still feeling sad. Letting his gaze wander over the yard, he stopped to look at the barn, an idea forming in his head and a smile on his lips.

*

Turning on the switch, he smiled as the yard filled with a warm and familiar glow. Looking to the two astromechs he had convinced into helping him fulfill his plan, he crouched down in front of his partner. “Listen buddy, can you go get Nat for me?”

Why don’t you go get her? BB-8 tilted his head to the side.

“Because she loves you?” Poe shrugged. “I dunno.”

I’m certain she loves you too. The droid buzzed as he rolled towards the house.

Standing up, Poe looked around too make sure his work was truly completed and perfect. Yet as he did so, it was more so blindly seeing than observing as he was deep in thought.

I’m certain she loves you too.

She loves you too.

Did BB-8 think he was in love with her? Was he in love with her? He couldn’t deny he felt a certain pull to her that grew louder within with each passing day. Shaking his head, he smiled at R3. “Okay, R3, you know what to do.”

*

In her dark bedroom, Nat lay huddled completely under her covers, shutting out both this world and hers as she held back tears. Too many things were racing through her head than normal, though one prominent thought kept repeating itself. She blew it. She was positive of it. Despite the Empire being gone, it was still a different time and place, it was still dangerous to be a Jedi. To be a Jedi… Perhaps, after all this time, it was time for her to change herself. For now though, she did what she normally did with her problems, crawl into bed and ignore said problems.

It seemed the Force would not have that however, as she heard the door open and something rolled to the bed.

Natasha! Come with me!

“BB-8, not right now, sweetheart.” She groaned in protest.

Please! Please, please, please!

“Ugggh, fine!” She threw the blankets off and herself out of bed as BB-8 continued to beg.

Finally! He exclaimed before rolling quickly out of the room and waited. Come on! He rocked back and forth.

“Don’t get you wires in a twist, I’m coming.” She rolled her eyes, slipping on a pair of flimsy shoes, having already changed out of her dress and into a tank top and a pair of shorts. Following him through the house, she was surprised when she was lead into the yard. Surprise turned to shock when she saw the tiny strings of light strung about the Force tree to cast a soft, almost fairy like glow in the air surrounding the tree. At the base of it, Poe stood smiling bashfully with a hand extended to her.

“We never did get to dance.” He said as the familiar sound of a guitar and a fiddle began to play through R3’s speaker; the song she had taught him to waltz to meeting her ears and making her smile.

“You really are something else, Dameron.” She said, trembling at the unfamiliar feeling coursing through her.

“Is that a no?” His hand was still reached out.

“I’m not exactly dressed to waltz.” She mumbled.

Chuckling, he shook his head. “I don’t care.” He said earnestly.

“Then I’d love to.” She confirmed, walking forwards with shallow breaths. Curtsying to him, and earning a bow in return, she took his hand and grinned when he pulled her close, much closer than the first time. “Are you going to step on my toes again?” She teased.

Giving her a slight squeeze that made her breathing hitch he began to gently lead them. “I’ve been practicing.”

“Well it seems BB-8 has been making a very good partner, then.” She laughed, tossing her head slightly to throw her hair over her shoulder.

“Maybe even better than you.” He threw back.

“Oooh, harsh words, Pilot.” She said as they changed steps.

The laughter fading away, it was surprising Poe didn’t reply, instead watching her as she counted their steps under her breath. He was glad his father had kept the little string lights his mother had been so fond of when he was a child, for the glow he had always found so magical became almost mystical as it shone on his dance partner. Even if she was no longer dressed up, she was still a sight to behold to him. It was true, things had changed, for him at least, and he felt okay with that, no matter what happened next. She knew and understood what had happened to him, and that meant everything in the galaxy to him. Slowing their steps as the music began to slow, he gently brought her hand in his up to wind around his neck, her hand on his shoulder following suit as he wrapped his arms around her waist, swaying them from side to side. Feeling her bury her face into his neck, he smiled as he pressed his hands flat on her hips. If they could stay in this moment a little while longer, he’d be happy.

“Meet me at midnight, same old sweet song. Tonight and tomorrow, and on and on. Stay with me, sway with me, love serenade.” He sang along with the song, making Nat laugh happily in surprise. Regardless, even when she pulled back slightly to look at him, he continued singing, though with difficulty as she continued to laugh. As it neared the end however, she pressed her forehead to his and began to quietly harmonize with him. “Lay me down, lay me down, where the nightingales sing. Lay me down, lay me down, where the nightingales sing.”

As the lyrics and the music began to fade away and the instruments finished their sweet song, Poe took Nat’s hand one last time to give her a twirl and dip her, holding her there. “Smooth.” She said.

“I try. He tilted his head to the side as spoke lowly.

“You succeeded.” She whispered, craning her neck up slightly.

It was silent in the yard now that the music had ended, leaving the pair enveloped in the breeze that danced through the trees and the birds finishing their own songs. The two astromechs’ turned their domes to look at each other before looking at their pilots where they stood pressed close together, and getting closer to each other still. Poe and Nat’s lips had only grazed each others when lights came on in house, making them straighten up and away from each other.

“My Dad’s up.” Poe said, slightly in panic. Whirling around, he grabbed the button to turn off the little lights, the magic that had filled the air around them vanishing instantly. “Cummon.” He said, grabbing her hand as they hurried towards the house.

Just before they reached the front door however, Nat pulled him to a stop. “Poe,” She called, making him face her. Squeezing his hand, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you.” She whispered before letting go of him and walking into the house, R3 close behind.

Raising a trembling hand to his cheek, his fingertips grazed the spot where she had just kissed him, a wide smile splitting his face.

*

“Morning.”

Looking up groggily, Poe rubbed his eyes as he looked at his father who sat on the sofa across from him with a knowing look. “Morning, Dad.” He replied sleepily.

“So, how was last night?” Kes asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Daaaad.” Poe groaned.

“I haven’t said anything yet!” While Kes was protesting he had the same large grin on his face that Poe had whenever he was joking around.

“Yeah, but I know where you’re going with it.” Poe mumbled, lying back on the couch he occupied.

“So, what happened?”

“Tasha sliced and diced Ganactu.” He said straightforwardly.

Immediately Kes got a dangerous look in his eye as his frame stiffened and his eyebrows shot up. “What happened?”

“He tried to get handsy. A little more so I think.” Poe lifted his head.

Knowing what his son meant, Kes’ face darkened. “Is Natasha-”

“She’s fine. A little scared, but fine.” Poe replied. “He’s lucky she only had her vibroblade on her and not her Lightsaber. How she was able to conceal that blade, I’ll never know though.”

“Let’s hope he learned his lesson.” Kes noted.

“We both know he probably hasn’t.” Poe said, grounding his jaw, earning a nod in agreement. “You know, the way she moved to attack him, it was almost instantaneous. I mean, I figured the Jedi were skilled, but there’s something else other than the Jedi training, or the military training she’s talked about. You said General Organa told you everything-”

“Poe Dameron, I hope you’re not going to ask me to tell you Natasha’s history.” His father warned him. “I hope I raised you better than that.”

“I’m not going to ask, Dad.” Poe promised. “I just want to know if I should be worried about anything. About her.”

“Well, son.” Kes sighed, running a hand down his face. “Is she your friend? Do you trust her?”

“Of course I do!” Poe frowned.

“Then believe me when I tell you, when she decided to tell you who she is, you may not like some of the things she’s done, but overall, you’ll be proud of her, be amazed by her, and love her more than you already do.” Kes told him.

Relaxing, Poe smiled blearily. “Thanks, Dad.” They sat there quietly before he realized something, then shot Kes a dirty look. “I’m not in love with her, Dad.”

Kes laughed at this reaction. “Maybe not now, or you won’t admit it, which I think is the case, but give it time.”

Poe was about to reply when an alarm went off, alerting them to someone entering the perimeter of the homestead. Standing up, Kes grabbed his blaster and glanced over his shoulder. “You stay here. From what you said about last night, I can only guess who’s out there.” He said before going outside, not bothering to wait for a reply.

Feeling a chill go down his spine, Poe stood up as well but headed for Nat’s bedroom, knocking gently on the door in worry. When the door slid open to reveal his friend’s trusted companion, he smiled. “Can I come in?” He whispered.

Yes. R3 confirmed.

“Thanks, Buddy.” He patted R3 on the dome as he walked by.

“Your Dad need anything?” He was surprised to hear Nat’s voice come from under the pile of blankets.

“Uh, no. Someone’s come onto the property and he went to investigate.” He told her.

“Oh,” Came her reply. “Well, if I may be so bold. Get in here.”

“Sorry?” He asked in confusion, though the corner of his mouth turned upwards.

Her head popping out from under the mound of blankets, she squinted at him. “Get in the damn bed, Dameron.” She ordered, making him laugh.

“I’m not complaining, but why?” He asked, walking around the bed to sit on the far side.

“I’m warm, lazy, and weak.” She grumbled. “I dunno, just some company I guess? You don’t have to if you-”

“No, no! It’s fine, it really is.” He said almost loudly, missing her shy smile at his reaction. “See? Getting in.” He said, peeling back the covers to lay in the bed, both on their backs with their hands just a hairsbreadth away. “You’re right, it’s warm in here.”

“Yep.” She sighed.

Turning his head to glance at her, his hand twitched, slightly unsure of what to do or say. His hand accidentally brushing hers, he jumped slightly before trying to force himself to relax. He was on the brink of trying to push all thoughts away when she spoke again.

“I can feel your mind going at lightspeed, Poe.” She murmured. “What’s wrong?”

“You can actually feel that?” He asked curiously.

“I can sense your confusion, worry… You want something.” She listed off. “What’s wrong?”

Sensing a hard day ahead of him, he rolled onto his side to face her. “I don’t know what to do.” He admitted hesitantly.

“What do you mean? Like you don’t know what you’re going to do when we go back to base? Or-”

“No, like right here. Right now.” He cut her off. “Something’s different, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t think…” He trailed off nervously. “I don’t think either of us know what to do.”

“Oh.” She said shortly, though quietly. She said or did nothing for a moment, making him worry, but he felt his heart begin to sink as she rolled onto her left side as well, thus facing away from him. When she shuffled back slightly towards him however, realization struck him hard when he realized what she was doing, the invitation she was giving him. This was now up to him as to what happened next.

Shuffling forwards, his chest just barely touching her back, he carefully brought his arm up to sling over her waist. Noting how her breathing hitched, he left his hold loose. “Is this okay?” He whispered carefully, just as nervous as she was.

Freezing for a moment, she suddenly took his hand that was lying on her stomach and into her before she sat up slightly. Looking back at him with a anxious but teasing smile, she nodded to the spot where she had just been laying. “Other arm.” Smiling as well, he stretched out his other arm out before she lay back down. “Okay.” She said in satisfaction. What she said next was almost near silent, but he still managed to catch. “Now come here.” She said, tightening her hand around his as she cradled it to her chest.

Tightening his arms around her, he pulled her flush against him, allowing them to relax into one another. His nose brushing against her neck and eliciting a sigh, Poe chuckled weakly. “Is something wrong? With this, I mean?” He asked cautiously.

“I’m just not… used to it, I guess. This sort of thing.” She said.

“What do you mean?” His brow furrowed in confusion.

“We're not allowed to love. It's forbidden for a Jedi.” She murmured. “No emotional, no physical attachments.”

“What?” He was surprised, unable to help the slightly possessive squeeze he gave.

“Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden.” She said. The way in which she spoke however, was almost mechanical. As if she were quoting something. “For a Jedi to divide his attention between the will of the Force and the will of others is to invite disaster.”

“Is… is that a rule the Jedi have to- had to follow?” He asked in realization.

“It wasn't strictly stated in the code per say, but it was something we had to follow lest being kicked out of the Order.” She explained lowly.

“So… should I- should we not…” He began to lose his hold.

“The Jedi are dead, Poe.” She reminded him. “I’m not exactly worried anymore. Besides, I always thought it was a stupid rule anyway.”

“So, don’t let go?” He asked hopefully.

“Only if you want to.” She replied.

“I don’t want to.” He confessed in a whisper.

“I don’t want to either.” She said just as quietly.

“Speaking of worry,” Poe said. “It’s a good thing we’re leaving today.”

“Why’s that?” She asked.

“Ganactu.” He muttered. “think it’s someone from his family came onto the property. Probably his uncle.”

“They can’t be that stupid, if you’ll forgive me.” She said offhandedly. “And if he does come around again, well then, I’ll just reteach lesson one.”

“Hmm.” He hummed. Suddenly a shot fired in the yard, making the pair fly up, listening to determine whether or not to defend themselves. “Kriff.” He swore, shoving the blankets off. “Stay here.” He instructed, rushing through the house to the outside. In the yard was a small but contained skirmish. Soraya had a hand on Kes’ arm as he held a blaster level with Casblan, Ganactu’s uncle, while Brant held Casblan back. “Hey, what’s going on?”

“You!” Casblan attempted to lunge at the Resistance Pilot, only to have the eldest Dameron’s blaster fixed on him at closer range. “That woman of yours has mutilated my nephew. I want her to pay for what she did to him!”

“Brant, go inside for me?” Poe asked his childhood friend.

“You sure?” Brant asked worriedly.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Poe confirmed. Slowly Brant let go of the larger man before slowly approaching the house. As he walked past Poe however, Poe grabbed him carefully. “Nat’s a Jedi. Better announce yourself going in, she was pretty scared last night. And make sure she doesn’t come outside. She’s too important.” He muttered.

Despite his wide eyes, Brant nodded in understanding. “Got it.” He confirmed, going on his way.

“My friend politely asked Ganactu to leave her alone, and he didn’t. When he got physical, she defended herself. End of story.” Poe stated to Ganactu’s uncle, putting his hands in his pockets.

“She didn’t defend herself, she shocked him! She tortured him!” Casblan shouted, marching right up to stand in Poe’s face.

“Take another step, and you’ll get a shock too.” Kes threatened.

“I’m not a Stormtrooper, Kes.” Casblan snarled. “You think you can shoot a man who’s face you can see?”

“Believe me, I think I’d be doing the community a favour.” Kes replied, grounding his jaw.

“Dad.” Poe said warningly, waving at his father to back off. “There’s enough Bacta available at the centre to fix Ganactu’s face and whatever else was damaged. So why are you here?”

“I’m here to restore my nephew’s pride!” Casblan stood up straight, towering over Poe.

“Oh boy.” Poe muttered, ready for yet another repeat from his childhood.

*

“Do I want to know what Poe is going to do out there?” Nat asked as she set a glass of juice before Brant on the table. Once he had explained the situation, how he and Soraya had followed Casblan when they saw him armed and making his way to the Dameron homestead, and what he was instructed to do by Poe, she brought him into the kitchen to occupy themselves while Poe did whatever in god's name he thought of to diffuse the situation.

“Well, how important are you to him?” Brant asked. “To Poe, I mean.”

“I... “ She trailed off as she sank into the chair across from him. “I don’t know.”

“Then you probably don’t want to know what he’ll do. Also, I think you’re being modest. You’re more important to him than you know, and more than what he just told me. More than just because you’re a Jedi.” When he saw her panicked look, he laughed. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” He promised.

“Thank you.” She mumbled. “Not exactly safe for a Jedi with the Knights of Ren out there. Not that I know much about them; other than they killed all the Jedi.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, Nat, Poe said you were scared after what happened last night.” Brant began. “But you’re a Jedi. I’m sure you’ve seen and experienced far worse-”

“You want to know why it bothers me so much.” She interrupted. “Because on the battlefield if someone meant to do you bodily harm, you could just kill them.” She stated plainly. “Second, I reacted faster than any normal person ever could have. If someone found out I was a Jedi, and then the First Order found out, it doesn’t spell trouble just for me, but for everyone I’ve met. That put’s the Resistance, Poe, Kes, Jonar, Soraya, you, and anyone else I’ve come into contact with at risk. And I don’t want to be more of a problem than I already am. Third, he wasn’t going to let me have a choice, and for a moment I didn’t feel like a person. I certainly didn’t feel like a Jedi last night. I guess I don’t feel like a Jedi anymore in general.”

“Nat, you okay?” Soraya said, stepping into the kitchen entryway. Hr hair was mussed and grass stains marked her clothes, however for the most part she seemed alright.

“Aces.” Nat replied.

“He’s gone now.” Poe walked in past Soraya to squeeze Nat’s shoulder with bloody knuckles. “We should probably leave now just in case.”

“Thanks for sitting with me, Brant. I appreciate it.” She offered the man a quick smile. “It was lovely to meet you two, and I hope to see you guys again soon.” She said before breezing out of the kitchen with a quick hug for Soraya.

Feeling the lingering tenseness, Soraya grabbed for her fiancé and began to lead him out of the house. “You. Take care of her, take care of the both of you.” She ordered. “What happened last night clearly isn’t her biggest issue right now. I don’t know what it is, and clearly you don’t either, but you’ll figure it out. Or she’ll tell you.” Her face softened then as she gave him a smile. “We miss you, Poe.”

“Miss you guys too.” He said quietly.

“Goodbye, old friend.” Brant nodded. Then with that they were gone.

His brown wrinkling in confusion and realization, Poe turned on his heel and almost ran into Nat’s room, startling her as she shoved things into her bag. “What do you mean, you don’t feel like a Jedi anymore?” He asked breathlessly, having heard the last thing she had said to Brant before Soraya interrupted.

Straightening up, her jaw tightened. “Jedi were trained from birth, or at least the beginning of the formative years. I joined the Order when I was six years old, but I was only accepted because I had no ties, which made it easier for them. I was trained for ten years before we were thrust into war. From then on it wasn’t diplomatic missions, it was leading a fully fledged battles for three years. After everyone died, I basically gave up the whole Jedi thing. Wasn’t safe for me. So, technically I guess, I’m actually not a Jedi anymore. Abandoned my teachings, and all that.”

“Okay, I can understand why you’d feel that.” He nodded, putting his hands in his pocket. Looking up at her shyly however, he offered a small grin. “You’re still a Jedi to me though.”

Freezing at his words, she stared at him with wide eyes before flinging what she had in her hands into the bag, she walked around the bed to throw herself at him in a hug, making him laugh as he hugged her back. “Oh, I don’t deserve you, Poe. I really don’t.” She said, planting a kiss on his cheek before returning to her gear. “I’ll be ready in a couple of minutes, I just need to get my flight gear on.”

“Alright, I’ll see you outside.” He told her, though he walked towards her instead of leaving the room.

When she saw him getting closer, she opened her mouth to say something but wasn’t given the chance when he swooped in to cradle the side of her head and return the kiss on the cheek, lingering for a moment before he ran out of the room laughing. “Ooh you’re trouble!” She called after him.

“You love me!” He teased back.

Hearing the door to his room open and shut, she shook her head, trying to calm her breath. “I think I do, Force help me.” She muttered with a smile. Carelessly tossing the rest of her belongings into the case and closed it up before lugging it out of the house. Halfway to Rover she was surprised when it was taken from her, Kes carrying it ahead to lift into the cockpit. “Kes, you don’t have to do that! Honestly I can take care of it!” She protested.

“I haven’t lost my strength yet, Natasha.” He laughed, making sure it sat properly on the floor of the cockpit before he jumped down. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I- Oh. Okay.” She mumbled quietly. “I’m sorry for being the reason to take your son away so abruptly.”

Shaking his head, he gave her a warm hug before pulling away to smile down at her. “Don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault.” He told her.

“Sorry.” She said before slapping a hand over her mouth, realizing what she had just said.

Laughing, he patted her shoulder, encouraging her to relax. “I got to see him, and get to know you, for a week. With everything going on right now, that’s the best I can ask for. Now, I do want a couple of things. One, look after him.”

“You know I will.” She promised.

“Two, don’t be scared to tell him the whole truth. It may take time for him to understand, but he’ll understand eventually.” He continued on.

Looking over to the house as her friend walked outside with him droid companion rolling behind, she nodded. “I think I’m starting to get that now.” She agreed.

“Three, most importantly, take care of yourself.” He told her.

“I try.” Sensing Poe drawing closer, she stepped back. “It was wonderful to meet you, Kes. Take care.”

“You too, hon.” He smiled, watching the young woman climb up into her ship before turning to his son. Once close enough, the two men grabbed each other in a tight embrace, just as they done reunited. “You are most definitely my son.” He chuckled.

“Why do you say that?” Poe laughed before they pulled away.

“We both fell in love with pilots.” Kes grinned.

“Tasha’s more than a pilot, you know.” Poe rolled his eyes.

“I do know, but don’t let that stop you.” Kes said seriously, mentally noting how Poe didn’t protest this time. “She’s different in various ways, but she’s good.”

“It was nice to be home.” Poe said, obviously changing the topic of conversation. “I’ve missed it. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Poe.” Kes said, hugging him once more. “Take care of yourself.”

“You too.” Poe returned.

As they pulled away, Kes nodded towards the black and green X-Wing. “And take care of her.”

“I’ll try; but I doubt she really needs me.” Poe shrugged.

Putting his hand on Poe’s shoulder, Kes gave it a squeeze. “Believe me, you two need each other more than the other knows.”

“And here I was worried you would try to set me up with the neighbour’s daughter, not one of my Generals.” Poe rolled his eyes.

“Can’t blame a father for trying.” Kes smiled.

“No, I guess I can’t.” Poe laughed, climbing up Black One. Pausing before getting in, he looked to his father. “Love you, Dad.”

“Love you too, Poe.” Kes waved.

With a final smile, Poe climbed into the cockpit and began to buckle himself in as the canopy sealed above him. Putting on his helmet, he grinned slightly when Nat’s voice came over the comms. “Ready to return to active duty, Poe?” She asked.

“You know it.” He said as he brought his X-Wing to life, Rover roaring beside Black One. “You?”

“It’ll be like we never left.” She replied.

“I don’t know, it feels pretty different now.” He said gently, thinking back over the week.

On the other end of her line, she was quiet as she thought too. He could almost hear her small smile when she replied just as gently. “Yeah, I guess so, huh?”

“Let’s go.” He said.

Lifting their ships into the air, he gave a final glance to his father who waved to them from below before the two Resistance pilots made their way up into the sky. Breaking through the atmosphere and into the space around the planet, Nat spoke again. “Prepare to jump to lightspeed.” She said, the General personality seeping into her voice after a week of being absent.

“Ready.” Poe confirmed.

“Punch it, R3.” Nat ordered.

Then, one after another, the two black starfighters disappeared into space.

*

A/N: Thus comes an end to part one of this story, but of course, it's not over yet. Here things will begin to change immensely, for both characters and the course of the story. I do want to point out that this IS, if not already obvious, an AU, so things will definitely begin to be shaken up from here. Thank you for sticking around this long, and I hope you continue to stick around to see what happens next!


	24. Part 2, Chapter 1

Part 2  
Chapter 1  
Electricity pulsed through him, burning white hot pain seemingly roasted his flesh and boiled his blood. While he had cried out in pain, nothing compared to that shadowy beast and what it had done. He knew and he could tell himself in that moment the Force was good and that it was not something to fear, but as it tore at him on the inside, it was difficult to repeat the mantra as the monster tore through every wall he had ever built in his mind and turned it to dust. As he was mentally stripped to the very centre of who he was, by the end he felt as though he was nothing. He was nothing. His screaming continued as another shock hit him; however, this shock was different from all the others.  
Flying up into a seated position, through the dark he was surprised but overwhelmingly relieved to see Nat crouched next to him, watching him in fear and concern. “Tasha?” He couldn’t help but whimper.  
“Oh Poe,” She breathed, beginning to reach out to him before thinking better of it and retracting her hand. “What happened?”  
Finally he broke. His head dropping, Poe began to cry. “The nightmares. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” He sobbed.  
His body rocked slightly as the mattress shifted beneath him as Nat crawled onto the bed. Leaning back on the wall his bed was pressed against, she gently pulled the man into her embrace, shushing him as he buried his face in the crook of her neck as he continued to cry. “I know, sweetheart. I know it’s hard. I’m so, so sorry.” She whispered, stroking his sweat soaked curls.  
Wrapping his arms around her torso, he clung to her tightly, the only thing he could focus on. “I should be stronger than this.” He hiccupped.  
“No, no honey. You’re only human. And the mind can only take so much before it needs to heal.” She cooed. “This unfortunately is just a part of healing.”  
“But every time I close my eyes, I swear he’s there, digging through my head.” He struggled to say, his fingers digging into her side. “I’ve had missions before that have kept me up at night, but this…”  
“Is your mind simply trying to piece itself back together. With time, the nightmares will fade. They’ll go away with time.” She promised, though on the inside, she wasn’t entirely sure if that was true.  
Saying nothing more, he attempted to focus on the thudding of her heart as he tried to calm his breathing, to cease the shaking as tears silently streamed down his face and onto her warm, pale skin. As time began to drag on and he began to calm, he fisted his hand in her oversized shirt. “Please stay.” He begged. “Please stay.”  
“You won't be alone, Poe. I promise. Now sleep.” She told him, combing her fingers through his hair.  
Relaxing against her in relief, the world around him began to fade, as a gentle hum and the thumping of Nat’s heart lulled him back to sleep.  
*  
The first thing he was aware of when he awoke early that morning was the rise and fall of the warmth he rested against, the next was the faint lingering smell of something sweet. Opening his eyes, he glanced up to see Nat fast asleep, still sitting with her back against the cold stone wall. Despite being in what had to be an uncomfortable position, her face was peaceful, and looked younger than she did when she was awake. That was something he quite often forgot, she might act older than she was, but she was younger than him.  
Shifting slightly against her in an attempt to relieve her of his weight, she immediately twitched, looking down at him drowsily yet still aware. “You okay?” She rasped.  
“I am now, thanks for staying with me last night.” He nodded, sitting up and away from her.  
Yawning, she stretched her arms above her head. “No more nightmares?”  
“No more nightmares.” He confirmed.  
Smiling at him, she nodded slightly. “Good.” Rolling her head around, she sighed. “What time is it?”  
“Uh, 5 in the morning.” He turned to look at his clock.  
Regarding him in worry, her brow crinkled. “You gonna be okay for the rest of the night?”  
“Why?” He asked in confusion.  
Pulling back slightly, she looked at him as though it were obvious. “I figured you’d want a couple hours of proper sleep alone before you get back to work.” She explained.  
Keeping his eyes lowered and focused on the blanket, he mumbled his answer. “Will you stay for the rest of the morning?”  
“Are… Are you serious?” She asked.  
Looking up nervously, rather than shock or even disgust, he found she looked rather embarrassed. “I just don’t want to be alone. If that’s okay.” He told her.  
“No, that’s fine.” She said quickly. “Umm, where…”  
Turning himself around, he shuffled over slightly before slipping under the blankets. Lying down, he looked up at her and held his arms out. “Here?” He suggested hopefully, a small smile forming at her reaction.  
Her eyes bulging, she bit her lip. “Are you sure?” She asked hesitantly.  
Giving her a fake pout, he bounced his arms slightly. “Maybe I’m a cuddler too.” He whined playfully.  
“Oh my god.” She laughed.  
Laughing along with her, he then peeled back the blankets and began to pout again. “Get in the damn bed, Amidala.” He teased. Flinching with another burst of laughter as she swatted him arm, he ignored her protests of saying she was already in his bed when he pulled on her arm to have her lying down. Waiting so that she settled herself as she pleased, he took a deep breath once they were both still. “May I?” He asked, rolling slightly to look at her. Receiving only a nod in return, he reached over and gently pulled her close to him so that her head rested on his shoulder. Sighing at the feeling of her arms wind around his torso, he tilted his head to the side, resting his cheek against the top of her head. “Sleep.” He whispered. “Sleep.”  
*  
Immediately falling into step next to Leia as she walked through the halls, Nat switched her datapad on to check the new files she had to review. Beside her, she could sense Leia’s amusement. “What?” She drawled, earning a chuckle from the other General.  
“You just got back from vacation last night and you’re throwing yourself back into your work.” Leia explained. “I can support that.”  
“I hope so, because you’d do the same thing. I know you would.” Nat muttered in reply. “You’re like your Mum that way.”  
“Fair enough.” Leia agreed. “How is Dameron?”  
“He knows.” Was all Nat offered.  
At this, Leia stopped and gently pulled the younger woman to the side of the hall, allowing the few people milling about to pass. “You told him the truth? Not the entire truth, I’m sure.”  
Shaking her head, Nat kept her gaze down. “I told him I’m a- I was a Jedi. Plus, he kind of figured it out himself.”  
“And?” Leia said patiently, knowing there was more.  
“We might have almost kissed.” Nat mumbled, holding the tablet closer to her face.  
“Well, I did say it was up to you as to what would happen.” Leia conceded.  
“I said almost!” Nat griped, earning strange looks from passers-by. “Besides, something happened that left me feeling down, and he went out of his way to make me feel better and it was really sweet.” She mumbled.  
“I’ll be perfectly honest, I’m not surprised.” Leia assured her with a laugh. “You two are far too alike in different areas. It should be interesting to see how you two work together in the field on missions.”  
“Is it, are we going to be a problem, or-” Nat began to ask.  
“If you’re worried about rules, as long as you and Poe don't let it affect your work, you don’t have to worry.” Leia said as they began to walk through the halls. “Besides, do you really think I should be one to talk about falling in love with a co-worker?”  
“Oh my god, you and Kes, I swear.” Nat groaned, her face going bright red.  
“I will say this however,” Leia noted. “It will be interesting to see how this will play out, considering where you’re from. Who you are.”  
Scoffing slightly, Nat nodded in agreement. “Yeah, you’re telling me.” She agreed quietly.  
*  
“Look who’s back!” Snap shouted, raising his cup as Poe walked into Black Squadron’s lounge. At Snap’s welcome, immediately all eyes turned to the man with smiles.  
“Welcome back, man!” Bastian said with a nod.  
Standing up, Jess gave Poe a hug. “You look better.” She noted quietly.  
“I’m starting to feel it.” He nodded in agreement.  
“Where’s the new General? Did you leave her behind?” A woman asked, reaching out to hand him a cup of caff.  
Turning around in shock, he took the cup from her only to put it down and grab his old friend in a bone crushing hug. “Karé! When did you get back?”  
Chuckling, she hugged him back before pulling away. “Two days after you left. So, I hear we have a new General, and she’s a better pilot than you? I like her already.”  
Rolling his eyes, Poe patted her shoulder and moved past to sit down, taking his cup of caff in his hands. “If you’re going to talk like that, I should see if they’ll send you back to the fleet.” He muttered as he took a sip.  
“Hilarious, you guys missed me and you know it.” She retorted.  
“I missed you.” Snap got up to wrap an arm around her.  
“I’d hope so.” The blonde retorted with a smile.  
“God, I should have stayed home.” Poe muttered.  
“Karé’s right, though.” Bastian frowned. “Where is Nat?”  
“I saw her heading towards the control room this morning.” Nien said from where he lounged on the couch, his eyes shut. “Performing General duties with the others, I would assume.”  
“She’s just throwing herself back in?” Jess asked in surprise.  
“Guess so.” Poe shrugged.  
“Alright. So, if that’s what she’s doing, what are you going to do?” Karé asked him, studying him through narrowed eyes. “What are we going to do?”


	25. Part 2, Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
“NAT!”  
Scrambling from her seat, Jess launched herself across the commissary to tackle her friend as she entered the room, earning a few entertained looks as she did. Nat was prepared however, not budging an inch when Jess collided with her. “Hello,” She laughed.  
“Two days! You’ve been back for two days, and I’m only seeing you now?! What the hell!” Jess protested after letting go.  
“Sorry, it’s gotten busy.” Nat apologized sheepishly.  
“I know, I’m just teasing.” Jess said, nudging the other woman as they walked towards the table Black Squadron had taken over.   
“Hey! Welcome back, Amidala!” Bastian gave her a quick hug.   
“Thanks,” She smiled. “Good to see you all again.  
“Nat, you haven’t gotten to meet her yet, this is Karé Kun.” Snap gestured to the woman he had his arm slung around.  
“Your girlfriend?” Nat teased. “Didn’t think you had it in you, Wexley.”   
Laughing, Karé slipped out from under Snap’s arm to go shake hands with the new General. “Nice to finally meet you.” She said. “They haven’t shut up about you.”  
“Good to know I have them trained well.” Nat gave a wicked grin.   
Grinning widely, Karé nodded in approval. “I definitely like you.” She confirmed.  
“Well, how could you not?” Nat drawled teasingly as she sat down at the table.   
“Wow, no ego there.” Poe noted as he joined the group, yawning slightly as he rested his elbows on the tabletop.   
“About as big as an ego as you’ve got.” She shot back with a bright smile.  
“Oh, that hurts, Amidala.” He slapped his chest, feigning pain.   
Taking a tray of food from R3, she put on the table before reaching for the cup. “You’ll live.” She muttered as she took a drink. Her eyes snapped up however when caught Karé giving Jess a look. Although the two other women knew they had been caught, they were somewhat surprised when the red head said nothing in response.   
“So, Nat. You’ll never guess what you missed while you were gone.” Bastian said, leaning across the table with a grin.   
Earning a smile in response, Nat leaned forwards with interest as Bastian told his tale, with the rest of the squadron butting in with jokes or corrections periodically. A smile of his own forming as Nat laughed at something Nein had said, Poe felt himself begin to relax as he relished in the light and laughter surrounding him.   
*  
“General!”   
Turning in the direction of the voice, Nat rolled her eyes, however smiled nonetheless when she saw Karé and Jess run up to her. “Just Nat is fine, Karé. Please.” She insisted. “I don’t want any formality when we’re not working.”  
“That’s fair.” Karé agreed. “In that case, you won’t mind my saying that’s a rather interesting relationship you have with our lovely commander.”  
“He’s finally met his match, of course things are gonna side ways.” Nat crossed her arms.  
“Sideways?” Jess repeated, raising her eyebrow in amusement. “More like explode in flames.”  
“I agree, there’s definitely more going on there.” Karé noted.  
“And what would you define it as?” Nat challenged with a smirk.  
The two members of Black Squadron looked at each other before back to the General and nodded. “Sexual tension.” They said in unison.   
“Hilarious.” Nat rolled her eyes as she turned away.   
“You can't deny what you feel inside!” Jess called after her as she walked away.   
“Of course I can!” Nat called back. “I have a lifetime of practice under my belt!”  
*  
“I’ve travelled too far, and seen too much to ignore the despair in the galaxy. Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force.”  
Opening his eyes, he saw Nat standing above him, her brow furrowed in concern. "This is the fourth time this week." She noted.   
Sighing, he rubbed his face, letting his hand slide down it. "I know, I'm sorry. This takes away from your sleep too."  
"Well, like you said," She pointed out, climbing over him to lay next to him, slipping her legs under the covers. They moved at the same time to embrace each other. "I'm a cuddler."  
"You know, I think I am too." He said, pulling her to him gratefully.   
"I’ve been thinking. You didn’t have as many nightmares when we were home. I think the Force Tree really helped you." She said thoughtfully, stroking his curls as he buried his face in her neck.   
"So do you." He mumbled as he tried to relax. "Help me, I mean."  
At this she hummed. "I'm here for you, Poe." She promised. "Now sleep."  
*  
All morning as he worked, Lor San Tekka’s words continued to ring in Poe’s mind, about the balance in the Force. Right now in the galaxy, the scale had been dramatically shifted, with the First Order and the Dark Side in power. While there was hope for Luke Skywalker’s return, there was one thing he was struggling to wrap his mind around. Glancing at the small woman next to him from the corner of his eye, he crossed his arms before he made the decision to speak. “General Organa, can I ask you a question?” He turned from the holotable to face her.  
“Is something troubling you, Poe?” Leia switched the holotable off to give him her full attention.   
“It’s not so much troubling me as much as I’d just like to understand.” His brow furrowed as he shook his head slightly. “Why didn’t you call Nat- uh, General Amidala earlier once we knew where Master Skywalker was? Now don’t get me wrong, Rey is a nice girl, she basically saved the Resistance, but why send her and not General Amidala,” Here is voiced lowered. “Who is a trained Jedi.  
“I believe you answered your question yourself, Commander.” She smiled slightly.  
His frown deepening, he shifted his weight uncertainly. “I don’t understand.”  
“Rey is Force Sensitive, she’s unsure of this new path. Natasha grew up learning the ways of the Jedi, she finished her training. If anyone needs Luke right now, it’s Rey.” She said.  
“We could all use him right now.” He muttered in response.  
Seeing the conflict in his eyes, the General put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you ask Natasha?” She suggested. “See it from her perspective.” With that she patted his shoulder before walking to where many of the other leaders where they stood in a collective. Pursing his lips in thought, he turned to look at Nat where she stood across the room. Standing with C-3PO, she looked between a star chart and a datapad in her hand, occasionally lifting her other hand towards the holo where another planet would appear.  
“Ask how?” He asked himself, returning to his own work.   
At her own table, Nat glanced at Poe from the corner of her eye, her mouth pulling down slightly.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 3  
His head in the clouds, it took a tool thrown in Poe’s path to catch his attention and bring his mind back to the ground. Picking up the tool, he looked up at the X-Wing he stopped next to. Sitting on the hull was Karé, wearing a smug grin.   
“Hey there.” She said. “I called out to you a number of times.”  
“Hey, Karé.” He replied. “Sorry about that.”  
“Well since I have your attention now, can I get some help up here?” She waved with the tool in her hand.   
“Sure.” He agreed. Climbing up the ladder to sit next to her, he looked at the uncovered mechanics. “What do you want me to do?”  
“Hold this down.” She instructed, pointing.  
Reaching into the ship, he held down what she asked before she began to work. “Like that?”  
“Yeah, thanks.” She said. As she did her work, she glanced up at him. “So. You and the General.”  
“What about General Organa?” He asked in confusion.  
“Not her,” Karé snorted. “General Amidala.”  
“Oh.” He mumbled, turning pink.  
“Ah, so there is something going on there.” She said knowingly.  
“No, not really.” He said, trying to avoid the conversation.   
“Really?” She paused in her work to study intently. “Keep holding that down.” She reminded him. “Then why have I seen her leave your room in the morning for the past couple of days?”  
“Oh.”  
“There is something going on, isn’t there?” She gave him a loth cat grin.   
“Yeah, just not what you think.” He told her.   
“Alright, then what is it?” She asked patiently.  
Taking a couple calming breaths, he sat up straight before looking her in the eye. “I keep having nightmares.” He admitted.   
“We all have nightmares.” She pointed out.  
“These are every night, though.” He said. “After I found Lor San Tekka, I was captured by the First Order.”  
“I heard.” She nodded slowly.  
“I was tortured by Kylo Ren.”   
At this her eyes widened in horror. “That monster with the lightsaber?”  
“Yeah.” Poe confirmed. “He used the Force to get in my head, blow it apart to find out what I had done with the map to Skywalker.”  
“Oh my god, Poe…” She breathed. Finishing her work, she took his hands out of the ship to hold them comfortingly. “I am so sorry. We should have been there-”  
“No,” He disagreed. “It was safer to send one of us than all of us. If me being tortured happened instead of all of you being killed, I’d rather be tortured all over again. But, Natasha helps. She knows all about this… stuff. She understands… she helps.  
Watching her old friend, Karé sagged slightly. As she looked at him now, she could see more clearly now the effect of what had been done to him, he looked tired, and while the will to fight was still there, it looked as though it had diminished slightly. It hurt to see her friend and leader in such a way, but what else could she do? They all knew the risks when they joined. The best they could do for each other was be there. And she could do that. “Tell me about Natasha.” She suggested. “How does she help?”  
His eyes widening slightly, he bit his lip, making her wonder what could elicit such a response, however she remained composed nonetheless. “I can’t tell you everything, some things are private to her and are hers to share, but I can tell you some things.”  
Fair enough. “Yeah, of course.” There was a pause before she answered, but she agreed nonetheless as she let go of his hands.   
Thinking carefully over what to share, he chuckled a little when a thought came to him. “You were wondering why you’ve seen her leave my room in the morning. She gets… alerts, if I have a nightmare; and when I do, she comes and wakes me up, calms me down… holds me so I can go back to sleep. She’ll stay with, talk with me, ask me how I am, what she can do.” At the next thought, he frowned. “But she’s had it hard too. She went through a lot before coming here, she lost a lot, and it still haunts her. I can’t do a lot when you look at what happened to her, but I can keep her company, I can be a friend. And it makes her happy.”  
“Is she a good friend to you?” Karé asked.   
Immediately he nodded. “One of the best.” He smiled.  
“Okay,” She said, feeling relief begin to wash through her. “I’m glad you found someone to help you.”  
“Me too.” He agreed.  
*  
“Poe!”  
His eyes snapping open, the searing heat he had felt while locked in the nightmare was instantly sucked away, leaving him feeling chilled to the bone. Thin streaks of a soothing warmth glided across his face as he began to regain his bearing. Above him, Nat stood cradling his face and stroking his sweaty skin in an effort to help calm him. Reaching up with a shaky hand, he freed his arms from the confining blankets to grab one of her hand and tug on it desperately. “Stay. Please.” He rasped.  
A pained look of familiarity shadowed Nat’s features in the dark room before she pulled back Poe’s blankets while he shuffled over to make room, allowing her to lay down beside him. Once she was settled, he reached out to pull her into his embrace, leaving them to lay on their sides as they hugged each other tightly. “Sleep, sweetheart.” She murmured, stroking the back of his head.   
Feeling a welcome wave of comfort and familiarity wash through him, he let out a sighed thank you before drifting off into a deep, empty slumber.  
*  
“Commander?”  
Pausing mid-discussion, Poe turned away from Snap to see Nat standing behind him. “Yes, General?” He asked.  
“May I speak with you privately?” She asked, hands folded behind her back.  
“Yes, Mam.” He nodded. Looking back to Snap, he pointedly ignored the knowing smile on the other pilot’s face. “Excuse me.”  
“Of course.” Snap said knowingly, nodding to Nat.  
Turning back to her, Poe followed Nat down the small set of stairs to a corner where boxes of gear and various other pieces of tech were being held. “I was thinking, I may still have some contacts that are still alive. They may not have many contacts left around themselves anymore, but any information would be useful.” She said. “I’m… I’m grasping at sand, but this would be a start anyways.”  
“No, that’s great! You’re right, anything is better than nothing!” He was stunned, thinking she would have talked about something else. “When was the last time you talked to them?”  
Nat’s eyes widened slightly. “Th- A long time ago. They were another unit I worked with briefly once and awhile. I’ll try my best. I don’t even know if they’re still alive…”  
“The fact that you have those possible connections helps us out a lot. You know that.” He reminded her.  
“Yeah…” She mumbled. “Poe?”  
Realizing she had drop formalities and was approaching him personally now, he relaxed. “Yeah, Tasha?”  
“You’ve had nightmares all week since we’ve gotten back.” She said quietly.  
“I know, I know. I’m sorry.” He sighed, sliding a hand down his face. “I’m keeping you up at night, you must be sick of helping me.”  
“No! Absolutely not!” She protested in a hushed voice. “You don’t need to be suffering alone, Poe. I don’t want you to, ever! I was going to say, since you’re still having nightmares, and if it helps having me there, why don’t I just sleep with you tonight? That is, I mean, go to bed with you- I mean, wow, this is not working.” She rambled.  
“Thank you.” He interrupted her, making her mouth snap shut as she turned slightly red. “That’s very kind of you.”  
“Well…” She mumbled in embarrassment.   
Putting a hand on her shoulder, he squeezed it and smiled. “See you tonight.” He promised before walking away and leaving her in the dark corner.  
“What did the General want?” Snap asked as Poe rejoined him.  
“She may have some old contacts from an old unit she worked with; but she wasn’t sure if she should try to get in contact with them.” Poe said. “Worries they might be dead, but she thinks they might have intel that can help us.”  
“What did you say?” Snap asked if they returned to the holotable.   
“Told her to go for it.” Poe shrugged.  
“Anything else?” Snap said suggestively, only receiving a frustrated look from Black Leader.   
*  
The buzzer going off at the door, Poe’s heart rate went up, the realization of what was going to happen. “It’s okay, Poe. Just stay calm.” He mumbled to himself.  
You’re just sleeping. You two have slept together plenty of times before. BB-8 chirped almost cheekily. This is no different.  
“It’s different because we’ll be lying awake for a while. Poe said. “When she wakes me up in the middle of the night, we both fall asleep right away-”  
You’re over thinking it. Let her in. BB-8 told him, rolling into the pilot to push him towards the door.   
His hand flying out, it smacked the button that controlled the door, leaving him in an awkward and panicked state as the door opened, revealing Nat on the other side. “Uhhh… Hi?” He almost squeaked.  
Laughing slightly, Nat shook her head and helped him straighten up. “Nervous?” She teased.  
“No!” He replied quickly, earning a knowing look. “Yes.” He admitted soon after.  
“It’s okay, I am too.” She reassured him, patting his cheek as she slipped by.   
This surprised him. “Really? Why?”  
Sitting on his bed, she folded her hands in her laps and crossed her ankles. “Like I told you on Yavin; the Jedi weren’t allowed to love. Even after the Order fell, I never had a relationship. Any sort of intimate act of any kind with another person is new and… and terrifying.” She said. “I’ve shared a bed with others before, with family on vacation, friends at sleep overs, teammates while away for sporting competitions, but never someone I…”  
Something grew in her eyes as she spoke and then trailed off, her jaw snapping shut. Having come to recognize the self defense tactic of hers, he crawled onto the bed to sit behind her and against the wall. Reaching forwards, he pulled her across the sheets to sit between his legs, with her back pressed to his chest. Instantly she stiffened, making him leave his hold loose. “My Dad talk to you about me?” He asked, trying to relax her, and at the very least, distract her.  
“Saying we’re dancing around each other?” She chuckled weakly.   
Cautiously wrapping his arms around her torso, he rested his chin on her shoulder. “I’m nervous because he was right.” He whispered. “I like you. A lot more than I’m supposed to.”  
This time her breathing stopped all together. Waiting patiently, he was thankful when she began to breath again, however shallow they were. “Wow, mutual feelings.” She mumbled weakly. “That’s a new one.”  
“So, we’re scared because of each other.” Poe sighed as realization for what this meant sank in.   
Turning in his arms, the look of terror on her face broke his heart. “What do we do?” She asked.  
Thinking carefully, he disentangled himself from her to lay down, holding his arms out to her. “We sleep on it?”   
For a moment, pain and rejection flooded through him as Nat got off the bed, but when she simply turned the lights off and got back on the bed, he smiled in relief. “Okay.” She agreed, pulling the blankets over him as she tucked himself back into his embrace.  
“Here’s hopefully to a nightmare free night.” He mumbled as he kissed the top of her head.   
Reaching up, she smoothed down his hair, making him shiver slightly as her nails scraped his scalp. “Good night, Poe.”


	27. Part 2, Chapter 4

Becoming aware of the dim light in the room, Poe rolled over with a groan. Colliding with something solid and warm, he reflexively wrapped an arm around it. Hearing a stifled amused giggle, he opened his eyes to see Nat curled into his chest, her own dark eyes squeezed shut. Seeing the corners of her mouth turned upwards slightly however, he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Morning.” When she didn’t respond, he squeezed her slightly. “I know you’re awake, Tasha.”   
“No I’m not.” She mumbled, her smile growing.  
“Tasha…” He whined playfully.  
Turning her head up towards him, she opened her eyes to study him with a soft smile. “No more nightmares?”   
Taking his arm from around her, he brought his hand up to her face, his fingers trembling slightly. Contemplating carefully, he gently combed fine hairs from her face, brushing her cheeks slightly. “No more nightmares.” He said. “Thank you for staying with me.”   
Leaning into his touch as he stroked her hair, she gripped at his shirt. “I do worry about you, you know.”   
His brow furrowing, he frowned. “Can I ask why? And I’m not trying to be rude, I really am thankful, but I’m genuinely curious. Why do you care?”  
“I said I worry.” She retorted teasingly, biting her lip.  
“But why?” He said, desperation clouding his features.  
Pulling away slightly, she propped herself up to look down at him in worry. “What’s wrong?” She asked gently. “What’s bringing this on, Poe?”   
Untangling her fingers from his shirt to hold them in his hand, he focused on their connected hands as he spoke. “I like you a lot, I really do. But… you’ve seen what’s in my head. Doesn’t it bother you how… broken I am.”  
Thinking carefully, she tensed, as though she had planned to move. She remained where she was however. “I like you a lot too, that’s a part of why I care, why I worry. What bothers me, Poe, is that someone invaded your mind and broke it. You’re a strong man, don’t doubt that.” Stroking her thumb along the side of his hand, she sighed. “But maybe I worry because I’m broken too. Because I know how it feels.” She whispered.   
Humming in understanding, he frowned as she pulled away and began to climb over him to get out of the bed. “Hey, where are you going?” He asked, putting his hands on her hips to effectively stop her as she was op top of him.  
Although it was faint in the dark room, he could make out the blush in her face as she registered the position she was in. “I’ve got to get to work. I mean after what we were just talking about, I hate to leave, but...”  
“Yeah, I get it.” He said lowly, his fingers flexing slightly.  
“Umm, Poe? Can you let me go now, please?” She squeaked.  
A smile beginning to form, he tightened his hold on her as he sat up, moving his arms around her torso to now hug her tightly to him. “See you tonight?” He mumbled against the hollow of her throat.  
Shivering at the contact, she swallowed with difficulty before nodding slightly. “Yes.” She promised in a whisper, wrapping her arms around him loosely in return.   
Feeling her discomfort, he let go of her and dropped back onto the pillows. “Sorry.” He apologized.  
Initially seeming surprised, she finally smiled slightly and tilted her head to the side. “It’s okay.” She said, not moving.  
As he watched Nat get off him and leave the room with a final smile at him, he hoped that “it’s okay” meant he could hold her like that once more. Meanwhile, as Nat slipped through the halls to her own room, she secretly hoped he would hold her in such a way again soon.   
*  
Taking a deep breath, Poe steadied himself before pressing the buzzer on the door panel. General Organa had never specified what she wanted to talk to him about, only that she wanted to discuss something in private. As the door slid open, he could see she had already fixed a piercing eye on him. “General Organa.” He nodded slightly, trying to remain calm.  
“Sit down, Poe.” She waved to the chair in front of her desk. When she saw he was seated, she fixed him with a curious look. “I haven’t had a chance to speak with you since your return. How was your trip home?”  
“Uhh, it was really good to stay longer this time, to see my Dad.” He replied, slightly surprised at the question. “To relax.”  
“Good.” Leia nodded approvingly. “And Natasha?”  
Tilting his head to the side slightly, he finally understood why he had been called in to speak with the General. “She seems to be all better. Guess the fresh air was all she needed.”  
“Natasha’s been fighting nonstop for most of her life. It was about time she stopped to take a rest. She certainly deserves it.” She mused. “But from my understanding, you two grew rather close while you were away.”  
At this, Poe’s cheeks turned pink. “General, I-”  
“I didn’t call you in here to get you into trouble, Poe.” She reassured him. “I spoke to Natasha already, you two wouldn’t be breaking any rules, per say. Besides, you wouldn’t be the first to do such a thing.” She stopped to smile sadly. “You should know however, from what I understand, she is much like her... brother was; she gets easily attached. She may present a hardened exterior, but she is… fragile. I’m not saying to treat her in such a way, but you’ll find as time goes on why she is the way she is.”  
“Are you saying that we shouldn’t pursue a relationship?” He asked in confusion.  
“No. You’re not listening, Poe.” She shook her head. “What I’m saying is prepare to receive more than what you expected.”  
“Because she’s a Jedi.” He stated intently, utterly sure he understood what she was saying.  
“No. Because she’s impossible.”  
*  
“Finn.”   
Whirling around at the sound of his name, he froze with a frown, thrown off at how weightless he felt. Looking up, his frown deepened when he saw an unknown red headed woman aglow in the darkness that surrounded him. “Who are you? Where am I?” He asked.   
“I’m-” The woman began to say before she disappeared, leaving him alone and engulfed in darkness once more.  
“Stang.” Nat swore, opening her eyes.  
“Still nothing?” Kalonia asked as she walked by.  
“No, I found him this time, I saw him.” Nat replied, resting her arms and chin on the edge of Finn’s bed. “Lost him though. Takes a lot of effort. I’ll get there, I promise.” She gave the older woman a tired smile.   
“I have faith that you will, my dear.” Kalonia patted Nat’s shoulder before continuing on her way. Smiling to herself, Nat sat thinking before the Doctor’s voice broke through to her. “Here to visit your friend again, Commander?”  
“Always, Doc.” Came Poe’s chuckled response, making Nat’s smile widen.  
“Well, you know where he is.”   
“Thanks, Doc!” He thanked her before coming into view. “Tasha! What a coincidence to run into you here.” He teased.  
“It’s happened enough times.” She smiled tiredly.  
“That’s true.” He agreed. “What are you doing here?”  
“I’m uhh, trying to get into Finn’s head and find his consciousness. See if I can bring him back.” She explained.  
“Is that what you’ve been doing all this time?”  
“Yes.”  
Stopping next to the bed, he looked down at his unconscious friend in concern. “Does… does it hurt him?”  
“No!” She exclaimed, knowing exactly where his thoughts and fears lie. Jumping up, she put her hands on Poe’s shoulders, making him turn to her. “I promise you, Poe, that what I’m doing is not hurting Finn whatsoever.”  
“What is it you’re doing?” He asked curiously.  
“The same thing I do with you when I wake you up from a nightmare; pull you out.” She explained. “The only difference is that he’s a little deeper in his head than you are when you have nightmares.” Tilting her head, she studied him intently. “Does that make sense?”  
“Yeah.” He murmured, deep in thought, though clearly still uncomfortable. Shuffling uneasily, he turned his gaze from the floor up to her. “Can I…” He trailed off, lifting his arms up a fraction.  
Understanding what he was trying to ask, she looked around to see if they were alone before she nodded. As soon as he had her permission, he wrapped his arms around her middle, burying his face in the crook of her neck. Although she froze for a moment, she wrapped an arm around his shoulder and combed her fingers through the curls at the back of his head. “You never have to ask for a hug, you know.” She told him.  
“Sorry… it’s just after what happened… the idea…” Came his muffled words, making her arms tighten around him as he spoke against her. While she was trying to focus on soothing his fears, she was also hyper aware of him against her, his voice vibrating against her skin.  
“Poe…” Her voice was shaky, making her clear her throat before she continued. “Poe, I promise you I’m causing no pain to Finn whatsoever.”   
“I know you wouldn’t.” He nodded, lifting his head and pulling away slightly. “I know you never would. My mind just keeps going back…”  
“It’s a fickle thing.” She nodded in understanding. “I know.”   
“Yeah.” He agreed, pressing his forehead to her delicately. “It really is.”  
*  
“I'm sorry, Colonel, but she keeps asking to see you or Captain Carter.” The airmen at one of the quarter doors apologized as the Colonel approached the end of the corridor. “She refuses to even see Dr. Jackson or Teal’c.”  
This surprised Jack O’Neill as he came to a stop before the door. “Do you have any idea what's wrong? Has she done or said anything?”   
“No, sir.” The woman shook her head. “She'll only ask for you or Captain Carter. Otherwise she's just sitting in there.”  
“Alright, thanks.” He nodded before knocking on the door. “Hey Natasha? Walter said you wanted to talk to me. Is everything okay?”   
There was silence on the opposite side of the door before it opened a crack and a little voice spoke. “Sam isn't with you, is she?” Natasha said knowingly.   
It took Jack aback momentarily at how much older she sounded before he sighed sadly, everything rushing back into focus once more. “No. She isn't.” After a moment, the door opened all the way, allowing him to slip into the dark room, a single bedside lamp warming the room with a soft glow. Slowly shuffling towards the bed, he sat down before looking at Natasha. In the past several years he had known her, she had only aged a single year. In all that time though however, she had certainly grown in other ways. Not sure what to do, he nudged his knee against hers. “Hey, what's wrong?”  
“I'm feeling too much.” The seven year old mumbled.   
Knowing what she was talking about, dread and regret trickled through him as he understood what she meant. “What exactly did you feel?”   
“Like what happened to Louise.” Natasha said, swinging her legs on the side of the bed. There was regret again. When Astor shot herself, he hadn't been fast enough to stop the kid from seeing. Yes, she had seen a lot of hard things off world, and even here on the base; but that was one thing he had hoped she wouldn't have to see. The feeling only grew however when she looked up at him with sad and knowing eyes. “That's why Sam is sad, isn't she? Martouf is gone now too. I can't find him, and Sam is sad.”  
Seven years old, and she already knew far too much than someone her age should know. She was only a kid, he had insisted when Hammond had introduced them. He should have insisted harder. Turning to fully sit on the bed, he held out his arms to her, allowing her to crawl into his lap. “Yeah, Martouf is gone. That's why Sam’s sad.” He confirmed, hugging her as she began to shake.   
“I liked him, he was nice.” She said, wrapping her little arms around his neck.   
“He was good to you.” Jack agreed with a slight nod, still trying to process his own feelings.   
Pulling back, she put her small hands on his face to study him intently. “You’re sad too.” She noted with a small sniffle.  
Giving her a tiny reassuring smile, he smoothed down the back of her uniform jacket. “What makes you say that, kid?” He asked, trying to keep a light tone in his voice.  
“You were scared Sam was gonna die.” She said, making his heart stop for a moment.  
“I’m scared any of you are gonna die when we’re off world.” He told her. She had her long hair free from its ponytail, allowing it to flow down her back as he twisted his fingers through a couple of strands in an attempt to distract her. As much as she enjoyed it when people played with her hair, it was clear she wouldn't be deterred this time. “You know that.”  
“No.” She shook her head. It became clear that she wasn’t going to drop the subject, and that she had a good idea of what was going on for someone her age. “You said that you would have rather died yourself than lose Sam because you care about her. And when Sam was tested she said she'd rather see you leave her behind than sacrifice yourself because she cares about you too.”  
“I know, I was there.” He ground out.  
“You care about each other! A lot more than you’re supposed to. That’s what you said!” She pressed on.   
“I know that!” Jack said loudly, taking her aback. “But I said more than I’m supposed to, remember?”  
“But what does that mean?” She asked, tilting her head to the side in confusion.   
“It means we’re not supposed to care about each other too much.” He said shortly.   
“You mean you’re not supposed to love-”  
“Hey!” He held up a finger, cutting her off. “Not so loud, Natasha.”  
“Oh.” She shrank slightly in her seat. “But you love each other, what’s wrong with that?” She asked in a whisper.  
“It’d mean we’d be court-martialled. I’m her commanding officer, she’s my second in command. If word got out that we had more concern for each other over anything or anyone else, the government would decide that we’re… defective.” He told her.  
This made her brow furrow as she thought over what he had told her. Finally she looked up at him with a frown. “You don’t use big words.”   
“Well, this is a big problem.” He replied.   
“Loving someone shouldn’t be a problem.” She said, crossing her arms with a huff.   
“No, you’re right.” He agreed. “It shouldn’t.”  
*  
“Tasha?”   
Blinking, Nat looked around the dark room, trying to get a bearing on her surroundings. To her right, Poe lay next to where she sat up. He looked rather surprised, making her realize she had probably just rudely waken him by ripping herself from his arms, now flung on either side of him. When she finally met his eye, his worried expression softened. “You okay?” He asked gently.  
“Dream.” She replied hoarsely. “Rather, a memory.”  
“Your brother again?” He sat up to sit shoulder to shoulder with her.   
“No.” She shook her head, her messy red hair swishing around her exposed shoulders. “Something that happened a little after I began my Jedi training when I was seven. I was with my other unit though at the time.”  
“What happened?” He whispered.  
“Someone died.” She frowned. “I was still getting used to being tuned into the Force at the time, so it was overwhelming to feel everything and not know how to, for lack of a better phrase, turn it off.” “That must have been horrifying to feel at seven.” He breathed, carefully taking her hand in his.  
“Well, it never gets easier, but that’s not what I dreamed about.” She replied. “It was something else I was feeling that day. It was a stressful day on… far too many levels.”  
“So, what was it that you were remembering?” He turned towards her, his concern returning. “You woke up pretty fast.”  
The colonel’s face flashing in her mind, she shook her head. “Don’t worry. I’m sorry I woke you.” She apologized. “Go back to sleep.”  
“No.” He refused. “No, something’s obviously wrong. Talk to me, please.”  
“Poe, I’m supposed to be helping you with your nightmares-” She began to rebut before he cut her off.  
“And what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t try to help you with your nightmares?” He urged, reaching up to cradle her face. “So please, let me help.”  
Through the dark, seeing only honesty and worry in his eyes, her bottom lip began to quiver as she tried to hold back tears. Reaching up, she removed his hands from her cheeks, instead holding them in her lap. “Let me figure things out first, then I’ll tell you.”   
“Why not now?” He asked. “Is it really that bad that you can’t tell me now?”  
“Because I don’t want to hurt you.” Nat shook her head.  
“I don’t think you could.” He teased, missing the flash of fear on her face as he laid back down and held his arms out to her. “Unless you left right now.”   
“You actually want me to stay?” She asked, seemingly genuinely surprised.  
“Only if you want to.” He amended.   
“Loving someone shouldn’t be a problem.”   
“No, you’re right. It shouldn’t.”  
Turning her head to look to the door, her heart thudded painfully as the urge to flee grew. Finally finding the will to move, she turned back to him. Slowly lowering herself back onto the mattress, her hand slip up his neck to curl her arm there as she pressed herself into his side. Both let out a sigh as she carefully nuzzled her way into the crook of his neck, as he so often did to her when they embraced. “Is this okay?” She whispered against his skin.  
Smiling, he turned onto his side, wrapping an arm around her once more. “Yeah,” He promised, kissing her forehead. “This is perfect.”


End file.
